this has absolutely nothing to do with the song (if you know what song Im talking about), I just so happened to be listening to it as I was writing, hence, the title. So, fair warning, the title may, and probably will, change.
Well, as if I wasn't going through a hard enough time adjusting to a new life, I get even more bad news. I just learned, a few days ago, from my friend out of state, that someone me and my friends knew in high school died two weeks ago :(
I am a bit of an emotional wreck right now, but I didn't want to blow up at my roommates, so I decided to write. I'm just going to go with this, it can be a one shot, or I can continue, but it all depends on how it ends up. Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever on how I want this to be, I just know I needed to write, to vent. Sorry, I'm rambling.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LAW AND ORDER: SVU, OR ITS CHARACTERS; DICK WOLF DOES.
Elliot's POV
FUCK! How did I let this happen. I was supposed to watch her, supposed to have her back, and yet here I was, at Mercy hospital, waiting for word on how my partner, my pregnant partner, was doing. This was one of my worst nightmares coming true. The fact that my stupid mistake could cause Liv her life, and even worse, the life of her baby, made me feel even two times as shitty as I already did. What would happen when she woke up? Would she blame me? Of course she would, I was the one who practically put her in the hospital.
What would I do if she didn't make it? I love her, and without her in my life... I don't even want to think about it, because I know she'll make it. Olivia Benson is strong, and damn it, she's not going down without a hell of a fight.
Third POV
Elliot stood, pacing around in the quiet waiting room, wringing his hands, waiting on the status of how his partner was doing. "Elliot, sit down. You're not helping Liv by being anxious."
Elliot felt his captain's hand on his shoulder, urging him to sit, but he only shook his head. "Captain, my partner's in surgery because of me. I was stupid, and I got her hurt." He wiped his hand across his face, and for the first time since the accident he was able to see the red coloring that covered the skin of his arm. He looked down at his suit, and shuttered. The thought of her losing that much blood, made him worry even more. "She's pregnant" he whispered, hoping that if the captain knew about it now, there was nothing worse he could do to her for not telling him.
Cragen took his hand off Elliot's shoulder, before staring at his detective. "What?" he asked, just as surprised as Elliot was.
"She's pregnant" he repeated, louder, taking out his wallet and pulling out a sonogram picture of Olivia's unborn child. "Sixteen weeks."
Cragen grabbed the picture and studied it, tears coming to his eyes when he realized that the closest thing to a grandchild he would have, was in danger, along with his favorite detective. Cragen stared at the picture for a few seconds, before the obvious popped into question. "Elliot, are you-
Elliot shook his head, obviously saddened by the thought. "No. Joshua Hamilton."
Cragen nodded, knowing how much Elliot had hated the man to begin with, and how much the whole squad had despised him even more when Olivia had found him with another woman.
Seeing Cragen become quiet, Elliot sighed. He reached over and grabbed the picture from his captain's hand, but winced when he felt the sharp pain in his shoulder. "Elliot, are you okay?"
He nodded. "I'm fine" he lied. He wasn't fine, he was far from it, but he knew he had to be strong for Olivia, and his little "niece" or "nephew". He looked at the picture once more, smiling at the small image, remembering how he felt when Olivia had told him she was going to be a mother.
2 months earlier
"Liv, you okay? Maybe you should go home." Elliot watched as Olivia hunched over the trash can and threw up, the third time since she arrived at the precinct. He felt helpless, watching his partner empty her stomach. "Come on, I'm going to take you home" he said once she was done.
Not feeling well enough to argue with him, Olivia stood up and nodded her head, before heading to the car, allowing Elliot's hand to find the small of her back and keep her from falling over. Her heart nearly stopped when she felt her partner's hand make its way to her waist, pulling her close, before placing a kiss on the top of her head. 'He's just worried about you Olivia' she thought, reminding herself that whatever feelings she had for Elliot were to never be acted on.
Elliot led her to the car, and helped her get into the passenger's seat, before walking to the other side of the car and getting into the driver's seat. Olivia watched as her partner sat and buckled his seat belt, debating whether to tell him now or wait until they were at her apartment. Before she could speak, Elliot turned to face her. Placing a hand on her thigh, he gave it a gentle squeeze, before looking into her eyes. "Liv, tell me the truth. Are you okay?"
Olivia sighed. It looked like he had made the decision for her. "El" she began, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I'm pregnant." Olivia watched as her partner's face changed from shock to utter joy.
"Liv, that's, uh, that's great. I'm-"
"Josh is the father" she blurted out, covering her mouth after, realizing just how guilty it made her seem. She watched as Elliot's body tensed at the meer thought of Olivia having a baby with anyone besides him, let alone with her loser of a boyfriend, Josh Hamilton.
Elliot took a deep breath, before letting it out in a loud sigh. It was no secret that he hated her boyfriend, everyone at the precinct did, but what everyone at the precinct didn't know, was exactly why he hated Josh. The real reason, was simply because Josh wasn't Elliot. "Of course, he's your boyfriend" was all he said, before turning and putting the key in the ignition, trying to avoid his partner's eyes, not wanting her to see just how hurt he truly was.
Olivia sighed once more. "Ex-boyfriend" she muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear.
Elliot quickly turned to face his partner once more, a glimpse of hope playing on his face. He shook his head, disappointed at himself for getting happy that his best friend's last relationship didn't last, especially with a baby on the way. "Olivia, what happened?"
Olivia closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. She could hear it in his voice, how much he wanted to say 'I told you so' and she knew he had been right all along, but she had too much pride to break down in front of him. "Last night, I, uh, I went to Josh's apartment to tell him about the baby. I used my key, and when I went inside I heard something in his room. Naturally, I thought something was wrong, so I ran in, only to be surprised to see my boyfriend fucking some other woman." She looked up at Elliot, and scoffed. "He apologized over and over, and when I finally got him to shut up, I sat him down to talk about it. I should have left, and not told him anything, but I thought that because, well, you know, he deserved a second chance. Especially after what happened with us" she whispered, bringing up something that she promised herself she wouldn't.
Elliot watched as a few tears escaped Olivia's eyes, and fell down her cheeks, leaving small water trails down her tan skin. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her know he was going to be there for her, no matter what. "What happened after that?"
Olivia looked up and gave Elliot a small smile. To her, it sounded like he actually gave a damn, and that made her feel somewhat better. "Well, I told him I was pregnant, and at first he didn't speak. When he did, he was surprised, but he seemed happy, that was, until he handed me my jacket and told me we were done. Asshole broke up with me, right after I told him I was pregnant, with his baby."
Olivia wiped her face before turning to Elliot. She could see the hurt in his eyes, but most of all, she could see the anger. He was angry that someone would do that, especially to Olivia. Any man would be lucky to have a woman like her. "Liv, it'll be okay" he whispered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. He knew it should be him that Olivia was starting a family with, yet he wasn't able to tell her exactly what he felt.
Elliot sat in the hospital chair, thinking, hoping, praying that Olivia, and the baby, would make it through this. It had been four hours since she had been rushed into surgery, and Elliot had not left his spot since.
He needed Olivia to be alright, he wouldn't know what to do if she wasn't. His thoughts were interrupted by a strong hand on his shoulder. "How is she man?"
Elliot looked up to see Fin standing next to him. "They haven't told me anything" he whispered, struggling to keep the tears in that had been threatening to fall since Olivia got hurt.
"What happened?"
Elliot took a deep breath, before speaking. "We went to go arrest Milton, and things got out of hand."
"We got you now you son of a bitch" Elliot said, as he pulled up to the small house. The two had finally solved their latest case, a rape homicide, and were going to arrest their suspect, Erik Milton. "Ready?" Elliot asked, looking over his shoulder at Olivia, who was getting her gun out of its holster, as was Elliot, ready to use it if necessary.
Olivia nodded, which was all the invitation Elliot needed to kick the door open. With one powerful kick, the door came down with a loud thud, and the two rushed in, guns raised and aimed. Elliot went into the kitchen, while Olivia took the bedroom, looking to see how long it had been since Milton had left. It wasn't long before Elliot heard some noise coming from the bedroom. When he realized his partner was still inside, he rushed over. "Liv?" he asked, opening the door, shocked when he found her.
She had found their suspect, but instead of overpowering and arresting him, he had attacked her, and now had the gun pressed against her body, ready to fire if needed. "Drop the gun!" Erik demanded, pressing the gun harder into Olivia's back.
Elliot kept his gun aimed on him. Looking at Olivia, his heart broke. He knew how scared she was, after all, he had been in the same situation with Gitano, and he wasn't pregnant. He began to lower his gun, when Olivia spoke. "Elliot, don't you dare drop that gun. Shoot the son of a bitch. Make him pay for what he did to that poor girl."
"Shut up bitch" Erik yelled, cocking the gun above Olivia's head, making sure Elliot saw it. "Drop it, or I'll shoot her."
Olivia shook her head, but before she could speak, the loud bang was heard. Olivia screamed, as she grabbed her shoulder. Erik had shot her in the back of the shoulder, making the bullet go through her body and exiting out the front, just below her clavicle. Elliot tightened his grip on his gun. "You piece of shit! I'll kill you myself."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up."
"Elliot, shoot-"
Before Olivia could finish, another three shots were heard, only this time she was relieved when she heard the thud Erik's lifeless body made when it hit the floor. Elliot rushed over, wrapping his arms around Olivia. "Why'd you shoot him three times?" she asked weakly, knowing he could be charged with overexcessive force.
Elliot shook his head. "Liv, I only shot him twice." That's when the pain hit her. Her legs were the first to give out, as the weight of her body became too much for her to bear. Elliot supported her, so she wouldn't hit the floor, and was shocked to see another bullet entry. "Liv, stay with me" he said, starting to panic when he saw her starting to lose conciousness. It was frightening, the amount of blood she had lost, and it only seemed like the amount was doubling with each passing second. Elliot looked down, and shook his head. "No, no, no. Come on Liv, baby, wake up." He held her close, knowing paramedics were on their way, hoping to keep her warm enough until help arrived.
Eight hours without any word on Olivia's well-being was making Elliot nervous. Nervous, and scared. He tried to stay positive, but every time he closed his eyes, he would see her blood everywhere, on the floor, on his clothes, on his hands. He was to blame, and it was eating him up inside.
"Family of Olivia Benson?"
Elliot looked up and saw one of the doctors who had done her surgery. Instantly, he shot up, eager to know how his partner was doing. Cragen, as well as Fin, Munch, Casey, and Melinda, all stood behind Elliot, just as anxious to know about Olivia. "We're her family" Cragen said, placing his hand on Elliot's shoulder, just incase the results weren't what they had been praying for. "How is she?"
"She lost a lot of blood, and she was pretty close to losing it, but damn it, she's a fighter. With a couple of weeks rest, she'll be fine."
Everyone let out sigh of relief. "Can we go see her?" Elliot asked, wanting nothing more than to run up to her and hug his best friend.
The doctor nodded. "Room 49B, but you should know-" Before he could finish, Elliot rushed down the hallway. He needed to see Olivia, he needed to see for himself that she was fine.
When he made it to the room, she was awake. She looked exhausted, but she was alive, and that was all that mattered. Without a word, he rushed up to his partner's side and embraced her in a loving hug, letting her relax in his arms. That was where she felt safe, and it was where both of them wanted her to stay. "I'm sorry" he whispered, kissing her on the forehead.
"El-"
"No Liv, I was so close to losing you today. You need to know, that what happened was never a mis-" He was interrupted by a knock on the door.
The two looked up to see the same doctor as before. "Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really need to speak with you." Olivia nodded, before the doctor came into the room and shut the door. "Normally I wouldn't allow you to be in here for this" he said, directing it towards Elliot, "but I think I'll be able to make an exception." He looked down at Olivia before taking a deep breath.
Elliot gasped. He remembered that Olivia's wasn't the only life in danger. "Doctor, the baby?"
He shook his head. "I'm so sorry. We tried everything we could, but the bullet came just to close. If it wouldn't have died from the shot, if would have from the blood loss. I'm so sorry Ms. Benson, we tried to save your baby, but there was nothing we could do." He saw Olivia's face fall, and he knew it was time to go. Without another word, he opened the door and walked out, closing it to give Olivia and Elliot privacy.
Elliot tried to hold back the tears. Right now Olivia needed him to be strong, if not for the both of them, then at least for her. "Elliot-" she began, before letting the tears fall. For years she had wanted a baby, a child of her own, and now that she had the chance of becoming a mother, it had been snatched away from her. Ripped from her hands, by a greedy piece of crap.
Elliot got off the bed and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, letting her cry on his chest. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn't care. His best friend had just lost her baby, the least he could do was offer her support. "Olivia, I'm soo sorry" he whispered, still trying his best not to cry. "I know how much you loved that baby."
"Elliot, no, no this can't be happening. Please tell me this isn't happening."
Elliot ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm her down before she had a panic attack. "Olivia, I'm sorry, the doctors tried to save your baby but-"
Olivia shook her head, before pushing away from Elliot. "No, no, no. You don't understand." She made sure she was looking into Elliot's eyes before continuing. "It was your baby" she whispered, before starting to cry once more.
Elliot looked at her, shocked, before pulling her into another hug, finally unable to keep the tears hidden. He held his best friend, crying, thinking about the child the two of them had made, the child neither would ever get the chance to meet.
awwww
yes, I honestly dont know what I was thinking with this so, oh well. I just went with it, which is why it sounds really choppy. P.S. i was listening to held by Natalie Grant (christian song, but sad song)
Review, tell me what you think.
