LOVE EDUCATION
'I think we should have sex.'
Okay, so I am pretty liberal: I'd have to be, being a proud and out gay and all. But I have to admit that this sentiment made my jaw drop. I mean, it was completely out of the blue, unexpected, something I've been thinking about for ages but would never have the guts to say because my boyfriend isn't that kind of guy.
But apparently he is...
'Huh?'
'I think,' he said, enunciating each word slowly. 'We should have sex.'
'But come on, Kurt. Are you serious? Last time I even mentioned the word sex, you practically stuck your fingers in your ears and sang until you couldn't hear me.'
'Yes, but that was before.'
I wasn't buying this argument. Kurt and I had been in this situation before - well at least one rather similar. He was adverse to all things sexy, and even though I do have to admit he's the most amazing thing on the planet, I was almost scared to think that he'd changed his mind so quickly. It was a little too good to be true, and Kurt Hummel was never a person to change his mind without good cause.
'What changed?' I asked him.
'Nothing.'
I shot him a look, but it didn't seem to faze him. 'It's definitely something, Kurt.'
'No, it's not.'
I took a step forward, gripping his hands in mine. Our fingers twisted together, but I could feel him resisting, pulling away from me.
'Blaine, I'm serious.' His eyes were dark and pained, nothing at all what I'd call "prepared for sex".
'So am I.'
Kurt pulled his hand from mine, running it through his hair. I knew then that this was really bothering him. Kurt would never willingly mess up his hair. I watched him as he backed away, leaning against the wall of the dorm room. He rested his head against the brick and I could hear the sigh that escaped his lips.
Why do I have to be such a gentleman? Seriously. I mean, I'm a guy. I have emotions and all that stuff. But I take the high road because my boyfriend isn't ready for that kind of thing. And then he tells me he is and I don't jump at the opportunity. What kind of a guy am I?
'Blaine, I want to do this,' Kurt said, watching me out of the corner of his eye. I could see the pain there, but I have a track record with not knowing what he's thinking, and I was definitely not improving. I knew he was upset - that was written clearly on his face - but I didn't know why, and I didn't know how to fix it.
'I don't want to upset you, Kurt.'
'Well, you're doing a great job at that, aren't you?' I could hear the sarcasm biting in his tone, and my chest twinged, feeling for him.
'What do you want me to do?'
'I want you to tell me you want to do this. And we'll do this. Okay?'
'No.' I shook my head.
'No?' Kurt looked at me then, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes. I never felt like more of an arse than in that moment. 'What do you mean, "no"?'
'I mean I won't. I won't have sex with you.' I desperately wanted to take a step towards him, let him know that I cared, but I stood my ground, feet planted.
'Why not?'
'Because you don't really want to do this. I don't know why you're doing it, but it's not for the reason it should be and when I-' I paused then, the words choking in the back of my throat. My feet moved forward of their own volition, bringing me closer to him. 'When you and I- When we make love I don't want it to be about proving anything, or doing what society tells us to do. I want it to be because we want it and we're both ready.'
'I'm ready,' Kurt said again, but the headstrong set of his chin was falling, and I could see his confidence falling apart. He, who I had hardly ever seen lose his confidence. He, who was so sure of himself, and who he was.
I took the last step towards him, closing the gap between us, and rested my hands on his shoulders. 'Kurt,' I whispered. His breathing hitched and I watched him struggle to speak. He was in sobs, and even though this conversation was so sudden, and it had arised out of nowhere, I couldn't help but feel like this had been brewing for a long time, I just hadn't seen it. 'Kurt, I love you.' It was the first time I'd really said those words to him, when we weren't singing, or joking about something or other.
He looked up at me, our eyes connecting, and the bright blue that bore into me nearly made me melt. 'Really?' he asked.
'Yes.'
And suddenly, another thing I most definitely was not expecting happened. His lips were pressed against mine, pushing me backwards. I barely had time to catch myself before his hands were round my neck, pulling me towards him, and I let a hand rest against his chest, sliding against the smooth silk.
'Whoa,' I managed to whisper as he paused for breath and he leaned back, looking at me. His face was flushed, his cheeks pink. I reached a hand out to brush the tears from his eyes and he let me, a smile crossing his face. His dimples were in full view, and I almost declared, right then and there, how cute his dimples made him look, but instead I just brushed his hair back into place and stepped back.
A sigh escaped Kurt's lips and he watched me as I settled back onto his bed. 'Why was I being an idiot?' He pursed his lips, watching me, waiting for my answer.
'You weren't,' I said. His eyes widened, but I didn't give him a moment to speak. 'You were being like every guy or girl who thinks they should be more than they need to. And just like every other teenager, sex is generally one of those things.' I shot him a grin. 'But you should know by now that I really don't care one way or the other. Not until you're ready.'
'But you are ready! You're always ready for everything!'
I almost laughed at that, but instead, I just grabbed his hand and pulled him down next to me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and he leaned his head against mine. 'I am most definitely not ready.'
He shrugged me off, disbelieving. 'You are, too.'
'I've told you before that romance wasn't my thing.'
'You proved yourself wrong on that account.'
I shrugged. 'Only you think that.'
He smiled, and sat up, running a hand through my hair, which I'd forgotten to gel that morning. It was sitting up everywhere, each curl having a life of it's own. I could feel his fingers brushing my scalp, raising goosebumps. I bit my lip to try not to react, but he was laughing at me already, and with a groan, I laid down on the bed, giving up. 'It's pointless to argue with you isn't it?'
He nodded. 'You're an amazing romantic. I just wish I could be as sexy as you are romantic.'
I shot him a promising grin. 'You're barely even seventeen, Kurt. You don't need to have "sex appeal". You have me anyway, and I don't give a damn.'
'But, if I was ready, and you were ready, you would, right?' His eyes were alight with hope, and I couldn't help but smile and nudge him gently.
'Course I would, dummy. You're amazing.'
And with a grin that I coveted, he leaned over me, capturing my lips between his. I could feel the gentle pressure, the sweetness in his touch, and I wanted to tell him that this was perfect, that he was perfect, but his mouth never left mine. The kiss we were sharing only increased in pressure, and when his tongue ran the length of my bottom lip, I couldn't help but open myself up to him.
My hands were on his hips, pulling him as close to me as I could, and my back arced towards him, completely of it's own volition. He had control over me, and for some reason I felt as if our roles had been reversed, in a good way. I had always been the instigator, the one who brought these moments about. I could feel the confidence now radiating from him, and I smiled against Kurt's lips.
His hand cupped my cheek and the other pressed against my chest as he kissed me and I felt like nothing had ever been quite this amazing, quite so good. I couldn't stop him, and I didn't want to. My skin was on fire, his tongue was dancing across mine, and I gripped his shirt at the hem, playing with it, teasing it up his back.
I heard his breath catch in his throat, but he didn't stop. The pressure of his lips against mine didn't cease, and I kissed him back harder, easing his shirt higher at the same time. My hands made soft circles on his back, and I could feel the goosebumps raising beneath my touch. My lips curled up in a grin, and I pushed Kurt off me slightly to lift his shirt over his head.
'What are you doing, Blaine?' he asked me as I did so. He didn't stop me, his eyes were alight with curiosity, and the pain that had been there previously had gone.
'If you'll let me, I'm removing your shirt. It's very confining.' I shot him a grin and he returned it, standing up and letting me remove the clothing. If before I had been afraid to let him get into something he wasn't ready for, all thoughts were forgotten. The look in his eyes oozed confidence and calm, and perhaps he was ready now. Perhaps, we could finally move on to something more.
My hands ran along his chest gently, raising goosebumps. My thumb grazed his jaw, and I pulled him close for another kiss. His hands raked my forearms, but my shirt was still unavoidably on, and my mind was screaming for him to just take it off me. I didn't want to push him, but I desperately wanted to feel the sensation of our bare skin against each other.
'Kurt,' I breathed into his ear, and his hands tightened against my hips, gripping the cloth of my shirt. I sat my hands on top of his, drawing them up slowly. He didn't resist me. I placed kisses on his neck and jaw, and ever so slowly, together, we removed my shirt.
The goosebumps raised immediately on my skin, and I guided his hands to the muscles of my stomach. I could feel his grin as his hands ran across my muscles, and the flit in my stomach as he pushed himself close against me, our skin burning where it touched.
'Kurt,' I breathed again, and he whispered my name into my ear, his voice husky and laboured. 'This is what it's supposed to be like,' I told him.
His voice was a breathy whisper when he replied, easing his hands up my chest, fingernails digging into my skin. 'I love you, Blaine.'
It was like a spur of energy, those words, and I lifted him off me, flipping him over so I was above him. A growl burned in my throat and I placed rough kisses along his jaw and neck. His hands curled tight, fingers clawing into my skin but I could feel no pain. All I could feel was the electricity of his skin against mine, the twists of heat that made my toes curl subconsciously.
I returned my lips to his mouth, my tongue running the length of his lower lip. He opened himself to me, sighing beneath me, and I let my tongue dance against his. My smile was echoed on his lips.
My hands ran gently along his upper arms, and there was a heat of goosebumps where my fingers trailed. I released my contact on his mouth and switched to his arms, following the trail where my hands had been previously and kissing light little kisses along the skin. I could feel him shiver beneath me, almost squirming and I grinned against his skin.
'Blaine.' His voice was a moan, and I could feel my gut turning as he reached out to tangle his fingers into my hair, pulling at the curls I had failed to hold back with gel. With a growl, he tugged me away from the smooth skin of his shoulders and pressed his lips against mine again. 'Blaine, please, touch me.'
The bottom of my stomach felt like it was about to fall out. He'd said those words - those words - and I desperately wanted to, but there was something off about his tone, and when I looked up into his eyes, I could see silver tear drops falling down his cheeks.
'Kurt,' I breathed, raising my thumb up to brush away the tear. 'What's wrong?'
And I had been sure it was something wrong, and we were about to go all the way back to where we had been ten minutes before, and he had been hiding this from me the whole time. I had been sure he was ready this time.
'Blaine,' he whispered, and raised his hand to touch my lips with his fingers. 'Blaine, I'm so happy.'
And he was kissing me again, and taking my hand, leading it down with a confident hold. I let my fingers rest against his hip, playing with the waistband of his trousers and he shuddered against me, his breathing becoming erratic. My thumb brushed closer to the bulge of his pants, and his expelled breath sounded somewhat like the words, 'Thank you.'
It was like something was flooding through my veins. Because Kurt had thanked me. He'd cried because I made him happy. And that was something I had never expected to experience.
Coming into this situation, as soon as he had said those first words, I had known I would be in for being a harsh teacher, and helping Kurt learn a lesson about sex.
And sure, that had happened. But during this moment, Kurt had taught me a lesson about love.
Because he loved me, and he'd said it, and he'd been unafraid to show his emotions so clearly. And to me, at least, that was the first step to being intimate, to being able to share these moments that I desperately wished to have with Kurt.
So it was at that moment that I broke our kiss and said to him, 'I love you, too, Kurt. So very much. More than you could ever believe.'
And he rested his forehead against mine, smiling. I could taste the salt of tears on his lips.
Thanks for taking the time out to read this! I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope I did the boys justice, because I think they really deserve it!
xx Wynnie
