Disclaimer: GundamWing is the © of Sotsu Agency, Bandai, and Sunrise.

Author's Note: Duo is 17 in this fic and Quatre is 18, but Duo hasn't has a birthday yet, so at the time Quatre is older. Also, as much as it may seem, this is *NOT* a 2x4 fic. It's actually dealing with 2xHilde.

Shinigami
by:Sakura Maxwell

Part 1

Quatre groaned and shifted Duo's body into a new position. The 17 year old American was heavy, much heavier than he looked. Absently Quatre wondered if perhaps the cause was Duo's braid. He wouldn't doiubt it.

Finally reaching the tiny shack he had staked out, Quatre sighed in relief. Walking in, he gently laid Duo on the little cot at the far corner of the seemingly one-room place. He looked around at this shack. It was barren, desolate even. There was a small window on one wall that let a pint-sized shaftof light. But that was the only window. As far as furniture went, there was a cot, a stove, a table and three chairs, an old dusty puke-green colored beanbag, and a cabinet for storage. That was it. 'Great,' Quatre thought. 'We're stuck here in a place that has no lighting, no-'. He started as he noticed a door opposite the window. He hadn't noticed it before. Crossing over to it, Quatre pulled open the door cautiously. Inside he found a bathroom, complete with tub, sink, and toilet. "Good, now I can take my shower. But first I should attend to Duo." he said out loud to no one in particular. Walking over to the shoulder bag he had brought, he took out a pair of Duo's boxers and a washrag. After getting a bowl and filling it with water, he set it on the floor next to the bed. Pausing for a moment, he studied Duo. They had been on the ran for the last two weeks, the last two weeks of the war, hiding from desperate OZ soldiers. Hard to believe the boy in front of him covered with blood and dried mud could have been the boy who was smiling and joking with comrades only two weeks before. "Oh Duo, what happened?" he asked the unconcious boy. "Why did you change so much?"

At the sound of Quatre's voice, Duo stirred, but lasped back into something which could possibly be the equivalent of sleep. Shaking his head, Quatre removed Duo's clothes from the waist up, and then, picking up the washrag, begin to clean the blood from Duo's body, the blood that had tainted him, as well as the rest of the ex-pilots. Even now, at the closure of the war, they were still tainted, unpure, their not-so-innnocent souls yearning to be free, especially Duo's soul. How ironic. Shinigami yearning to be pure and untainted, unstained with the blood of the one's murdered. Innocent once more. Ironic indeed. Realizing he had stopped focusing on the task at hand, Quatre forced himself to concentrate. At least he and Duo would be left alone, no missions to hassle over, no hiding from OZ to deal with, no more war. The war was over and it was just him and Duo. No more war. Which bothered him. Why in the world did Duo self-destruct at the very end of war? "And you made me miss out on the expensive champagne, Duo," he told the unresponsive boy, pretending to pout. Having now finished with cleaning Duo's body and getting him into fresh boxers, he moved to Duo's braid. The hair was all matted with blood, twigs, dead leaves, dried mud, and God knows what else. For a minute, he contemplated leaving Duo's hair alone, then decided not to. Duo had once told him the 'legend' behind his hair, and Quatre felt it would be unrespectful to leave Duo's hair all matted and dirty. So he set about the task of cleaning it as best as could.

~

Later, after he showered and ate, Quatre curled up under a blanket on the beanbag that was in the shack. He had just started to nod off when Duo began to thrash around in his sleep.

"Iie. Kudasai. Iie!" he murmered. "Please don't. It hurts. Ow! Get away, get away! STOP IT! YAMERO!" Duo yelled the last three words as loud as he could, beginning to cry in his sleep.

Worried, Quatre went over to Duo and put his hand on Duo's shoulder. Duo flinched violently, and began to slap at Quatre. He woke, eyes wide and unseeing of anything except the person in his dream.

"NO! GO AWAY! AWAY! YAMERO! Kudasai!" Duo dropped his voice to a whispher. "Oh please. Not anymore. It hurts. Oh haven't had you had enough yet? Please leave me alone and go away. Kudasai. Yamero." he whisphered in between sobs. He began to hit at Quatre once more, eyes wide and full of fear.

Gathering up his courage, Quatre grabbed Duo by the shoulders and began to slap him admist all the slapping, until Duo fully woke and realized it was Quatre shaking him, not the person in his dream.

"Quatre. Gomen." he said as he went limp.

Quatre held him tightly for a long time, tears stainig his face. "Oh Duo," he cried, "What happened? Who hurt you? Who? What caused you to try and KILL yourself? What?" Sobbing, Quatre began to grasp Duo even more closer to him, as if to protect Duo from the horrors of his nightmares.

~

Duo woke up the next morning with a start. Upon seing the unfamiliar surroundings, he began to freak out. At first he was unaware of being held.

"Oh God! It's happened. It'f finally happened. I've been captured, and now I'm in the habds of OZ again!" he thought fearfully. "But in a way, it's better than the hell I usually have to live with," he reflected.

Then it finally dawned on Duo that he was in someone's arms. Surprised, he looked in the face of the sleeping boy who was known as none other than Quatre Raberba Winner. Of course an 18 year old wasn't considered a boy anymore. He was more like a full grown man. An adult. Vaguely, Duo wondered just why he was being held in the arms of Quatre. Thinking hard, he could remember waking up in the middle of the night. Or rather, being waken by Quatre in the middle of the night. But he still couldn't remember why. Oh well. He dismissed it with a shrug, and climbed up off of Quatre's lap. Looking around, he pretty much saw what Quatre did. Cot, stove, beanbag, table, chair, door, window, door- Wait a minute. Two doors? Surely one of them must be a bathroom. Heading towards the one closest to him at the moment, he opened it and found himself staring at trees. Lots of trees. Great big trees. Huge trees. He closed the door and headed to the other. Trying it, he indeed found what he was looking for: a bathroom. Smiling slightly, for a smile on the face of the boy known as Shinigami was a rare thing these days, he stepped inside and firmly shut the door.

~

It was the clicking of the door closing that woke Quatre that morning. Surprised, he looked around bewildered, unsure of where he was at and why he was there. Then it all came rushing back to him. Duo. Self-destructing at the end of the war. Carrying him to this tiny shack. Washing Duo and his unbelievable braid. Curling up on the beanbag. Having his sleep interrupted by that dream of Duo's. 'Nightmare,' Quatre quickly corrected himself. 'It was a nightmare, not a dream.'

All of a sudden Quatre heard the shower stopping and shutting off. He hadn't conciously noticed it running before, but he noticed the silence now, after it shut off. In a way, he thought the silence was rather eerie. Quatre gave a little shudder.

Duo came out of the bathroom, vigourously rubbing his hair with a towel. He looked up and saw Quatre was awake. "Mornin', Quatre. Back amongst the living, I see." There was no trace of cheerfullness or a light tone in his voice, and definitely no smile.

"*Me* back amongst the living?" Quatre laughed incredously. "You should talk! You're the one who was out of it for two weeks!"

"We've been here that long?" Duo questioned, surprised.

"No. We've been here since yesterday." Quatre said seriously.

"We just arrived yesterday." Duo echoed him in a faraway sounding voice.

Quatre looked at him strangely. "Yeah, why?"

But Duo ignored him. "Why did you save me?" he asked quietly, more to himself than Quatre, hair long since forgotten.

Quatre looked shocked. "Because Duo, ...I couldn't just let you die like that!"

"Why not? I'm sure the others would have been prepared to." Duo responded calmly.

Quatre was silent for a moment, knowing what Duo was saying was true and yet was not about to admit. Finally he looked up and spoke. "Because Duo, you're my friend. And friends don't leave their friends to die. At least, I don't."

"Well, friends may not, but I believe I was under the impression that I have - had - no friends."

"What about me? Why aren't I your friend? I know you're my friend, as much as the other ex-Gundam pilots are." Qautre was a little hurt.

"Because Quatre! You don't understand it, do you!"

"No, I don't."

Duo rode over Quatre's words, continuing with what he was saying. "Shinigami doesn't have friends! Shinigami can't have friends because he's the God of Death, and anybody that makes friends with death is going to eventually die!" Duo exclaimed heatedly.

"And that's where I've got you, Duo. You're right. Any friend of death *is* going to eventually die, because they'll die whether they're friends with Shinigami or not. Because it's a simple fact! Everyone dies. Sooner or later, their time comes and they fade away. Be it heaven or be it hell, they're dead! Gone from this world. So what does it matter if Death is a friend of mine? We should all make friends with death sooner or later anyways, because one day it's gonna come knocking on our door, whether we want it or Not! And you seem to forget, Duo, you're not *the* Shinigami*, not *the* Death, but just *a* Shinigami, *a* Death! And really, you're not even a death at all. You're just a living, breathing human being, just like the rest of the world! And don't you ever forget that, Duo Maxwell! Ever!"

Duo blinked at him.

Part 2

It had been a week since their little 'exchange', and during that time neither Quatre nor Duo had talked much. Oh sure, they had they had said good morning or goodnight to each other, talked about getting supplies since they were starting to run low, but the fact of the matter was that they just did not hold conversations with one another. And so nothing more about the whole had been said.

But one day Quatre picked up the conversation where it had been left off.

"Duo," Quatre asked quietly, "what would you have done if I hadn't saved you? I don't think you would have died. I doubt your will to die is that strong."

"Well, . . ." Duo paused thoughtfully, thinking it over for a minute, chewing on the end of his braid. "I don't know. I suppose ...." he stopped again, unsure of whether to continue. He didn't want to risk upsetting Quatre and getting another argument again.

"Well?" Quatre prompted.

Duo resumed. "I suppose ... I suppose I would have shot myseld." he said softly. He turned his back to Quatre. He could sense Quatre's eyes on him, studying him.

"But Duo!" Quatre cried passionately, "what about me? And Heero? And the others? And what about Hilde?"

At the mention of Hilde's name, Duo whirled back around savagely. "Shutup, Quatre! Just shutup! I don't wanna hear it!" he exclaimed darkly, scowling at a startled Quatre.

Quatre looked on the verge of tears. "Duo... listen to me. I know the others care about you just as much as I do. Especially Hilde. She cares for you *more* than I do, "Quatre paused for a moment, startled at seeing the look in Duo's eyes. It was brief, but inside the look was scary. Fucked up. And... full of pain. Then the look passed, and Quatre continued. "Duo, you must know Hilde loves you. I see it in her eyes, whether she's around you or not. We all do. Whether you're oblivious to it or not, I don't know, but I *do* know Hilde loves you, much more than you or I realize, much more than even *she* realizes."

"What would you know of Hilde's love for me," Duo interrupted him. "How would you know any of that? You don't know anything about Hilde's love." He felt Quatre's hand on his shoulder and flinched. The bruises on the outside of Duo had disappeared, but the ones on the inside were still there.

Quatre knew by know Hilde had managed to hurt Duo somehow, yet he continued on, hoping to draw it out from Duo, get Duo to open up to him. "I saw it in her eyes, Duo. She loves you. She truly loves you. And I bet . . ." Quatre clammed up suddenly, seeing how as Duo had begun to cry. "Duo?" he asked catiously. "What's wrong? Why won't you at least tell me? I already know something must have happened between you and Hilde, so why won't you tell me?"

"You're wrong, Quatre." Duo informed him. "Nothing happened."

"Stop lying. You're in denial, Duo." Quatre pressed. "So just tell me. Say it. Come on, just between me and you, tell me:what happened?"

"Nothing Happened, Dammit!" Duo yelled semi-loudly, crying openly now, great, big, hysterical sobs tearing through him, racking his body and causing him to shudder helplessly.

Quatre was frightened now. He knew something real bad must have happened between Duo and Hilde for Duo to have cause to cry, especially like this.

"Duo, please! Just tell me, dammit, tell me! Please!" Quatre begged, beginning to cry a little on his own, out of his fright for Duo.

"FINE!" Duo yelled. "She BEAT me! Hit me so badly I had bruises that lasted three weeks! Jealously bruises from that stupid bitch! There! I told you! Are you fuckin' happy, fuckin' *satisfied* with yourself now?!" he screamed at Quatre. After awhile his screaming words became nothing more than mere screams, and he screamed relentlessly at Quatre. Finally he collapsed, sobbing quietly, into Quatre's arms.

"Oh Duo, I don't know what exactly she did to you, but whatever it was, I'll be here for you." Quatre thought to himself down softly at him, at the 17-year old who had once been the boy known as Shinigami.

~owari~

Yea! One of my more serious fics! You like? Although, the ending may be a little abrupt. Also, no sequels please. I won't have time to write one.

© 2000

August 14, 2000 Monday 1:46 am Sakura Maxwell