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Chapter 1 – Her past

Alice's POV

I closed the door and sat against the wall in the back of the closet, the lights were out. Jasper was the only one who knew I did this sometimes, and he knew enough to let me be. He might be upset if he knew how often I indulged in this behavior, but I think he would understand.

I closed my eyes and started remembering the years backwards. Until, I got to the first memory I ever had. Then I waited. I let my body relax waiting for those memories to flood my mind. I desperately wanted to remember something about being human. Anything. Even if it was painful. By now I knew I was about twenty years of age when I was changed, and I knew I had spent at least five years in the asylum, but alas these were just facts and not memories.

When Jasper and I first kissed, he said I was a natural, but I often wonder if that is because I kissed many boys before Jasper, or was I truly a natural? These questions plagued me. James had said the vampire who created me loved me. I often wonder if that was similar to what Edward and Bella have.

I heard Jasper enter our room, and I knew he wouldn't come into the closet. He would sit in the chair that faced the window and wait. He would wait for me to emerge from the closet.

And then in the exact moment I was thinking of Jasper, it came to me.

"Mom, do you promise you will never send me way?"

"Mary, why do you always ask that of me? Of course, I would never send you away."

And then it ended, just as easily as it came.

I walked out of the closet and sat in Jasper's lap, the sun was setting and we both starred out the window.

"I saw the same thing I saw last time, but my Mother's face was clearer, and the surroundings were different, more linear – like a hospital room, maybe I was in a hospital room." Jaspers arms encircled my waist and he pressed his lips to my arm.

I was never quite sure if he believed me; I know he believed in what I was saying, in the words itself to be true, but I was also sure he thought because I spent so many years yearning, aching to know, my mind was playing a cruel joke on me, and making up these images of the past.

"Alice," he whispered "we have been together many years, and I would not trade a fraction of a second of that time with you, for anything for myself, but if you asked I would trade, a few seconds, perhaps to give you some human memories."

His lips were slightly kissing my arm as he spoke. "but only a few seconds, and not even close to a minute."

I had to laugh now. That was our private joke. Whenever, we were around the others and it would be obvious to everyone that we were getting on each others nerves as couples sometimes do, one of us would say aloud "Well, maybe a half of second" and we would both chuckle and the mood would instantly be lighter.

We were very lucky we found the rest of the family when we did. Jasper and I had been alone for so many years without other companionship we were trading a few minutes to have a real conversation with others; however, since we had been together as a family it would be rare that we would trade a whole second of our time together for something else.

I was lucky to have Edward as my brother. To have someone who could share in my visions, felt like freedom for the first time in my life. Freedom from carrying the burden of my visions alone.

I was never alone with Jasper in reality and with Edward, whenever I needed it; I was never alone trapped in my head either.

Between Jasper and Edward I was a whole person, a complete being.