Awards Notice
I am very, very pleased to say that as of 10-30-11, Alive has won first place for "Best One-Shot" at the Inuyasha awards site Born For Each Other. Thanks to Black Dahlia for the nomination and all who read and voted for it!
(Original Author's Note 6-25-11)
Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha. "WHAT?" you might say. But it's true. I promise. The credit goes to Rumiko Takahashi.
But the plot is all mine. :)
A/N- Just a little one-shot that I decided to write after completely becoming hooked on this lovely anime and its fanfiction. :)
I worked hard on this, so please, read and enjoy.
Alive
The sun was setting, an orange stain on the dusky blue of the wide open horizon. The depression associated with sunset, the ending to a day she'd much rather have remained in forever, spread over Kagome like the scent of a dying cherry tree. It was a gentle but very real disappointment when the broad expanse of sky began to darken, and she knew that she would have to leave the peaceful tree where she sat with Inuyasha.
The strength of her reluctance startled Kagome. When has Inuyasha become so important to me? She wondered, half frightened by her own realization. She did indeed care for the hanyou; from almost the very beginning she had. That was no surprise. The shock came in realizing the depth of that caring, and how it had changed over time. She couldn't imagine life without Inuyasha now.
Though he'd never really responded to her statement that she was glad to stand by him, she'd sensed his contentment at her presence. That was enough. It felt as though she belonged there, forever leaning on his shoulder twenty feet in the air. Kagome felt as if a wrong note in a melody had been corrected at last when she and Inuyasha were like this, as if she had been waiting all her life for this one person to come walking in and click like a matching puzzle piece, fitting into the framework of her life seamlessly and naturally.
She left her eyes closed, and soon she felt his arm snake around her waist... but cautiously, as if he thought her a frightened bird ready to fly. Her stomach indeed felt as though she had taken flight, but Kagome herself had no intention of ever moving.
When the sun said farewell to the treeline at last, Kagome was happy that Inuyasha said not a word of the lateness of the hour. On the contrary, he seemed to hold her tighter. A sigh escaped his mouth. This was unusual. Inuyasha was not the type for longing. But at that moment, that's exactly what the inu-hanyou seemed to be doing. He softly stroked her hair, and a light, nearly imperceptible shiver ran down her spine. Then she felt his lips brush the top of her head, and she barely stopped herself from jerking her head up in astonishment.
Kagome thought she was dreaming. She couldn't have ever expected Inuyasha to be so forward with her...
Unless he thinks me asleep?
She thought about feigning unconsciousness for a little longer- his hand felt so good on her hair!- but after a moment's consideration, she snuggled in closer instead. His hand hesitated for a moment. "You're awake."
She murmured assent quietly, contentedly. Oh yes, she was awake. His touch sent tremors through the young miko, and it was impossible for her to even think about losing a moment with him to unconsciousness. His hand still hovered over her raven hair, uncertain, wondering.
Maybe wishing?
"Don't stop. Please."
She hadn't meant to say the words. They came out in a whisper, and her heart paused for a beat before resuming pace. She held her breath as she waited, afraid of breaking the oceanic silence and yet desperately needing to.
After the space of several missed breaths, Kagome felt the gentle pressure of his hand on her hair again. Her body released its nervous tension and she relaxed against Inuyasha's side, drawing warmth from him. She was not afraid. She was not nervous. She simply was, nestled against someone she deeply cared for, high in the air, watching the moon slowly rise into the sky. Her heart rose with it.
She could never have said how long they stayed like this. It was too blissful to measure. Constant tremors ran up and down her body. She felt sweet and alive. Even the pain in her still-healing feet was not unwelcome. The wounds proved her devotion, and she wouldn't get rid of the discomfort if she could. Neither of them spoke. Words were irrelevant. Kagome could feel his heart thudding. She was sure he could hear hers. It was useless to attempt to put this moment into words.
When the moon had risen well above Kagome's head, she felt the magic fade a little. The moment of contentment and peace was coming to a close. Inuyasha felt it too.
"Come on," he said. "I'd better get you down from this tree."
"Why?" Kagome asked, almost petulant, though she knew it was time.
"Well, your feet still need to heal," the hanyou pointed out. "And you're cold; I can feel you shivering. Let's get you inside."
Kagome blushed, and decided against enlightening him that her shivers were not due to the cold. She thought it better to allow him to take her in his arms and smoothly leap to the ground. Her head rested against his chest, and she looked up at him, smiling. It was different, being carried this way. She liked it.
Slowly, his face broke into a smile too, one of his previous rare ones that Kagome stored away to reflect back on in times of frustration. It was as if the sun had broken out from behind the clouds and Inuyasha's true self was revealed from behind his layers of roughness and brusque manner.
All because of her smile.
Inuyasha looked down at the girl in his arms, illuminated by the hazy moonlight, and smiled. It was natural, uncontrollable. His mouth knew instinctively to turn up its corners at the sight of this young woman's smile. She was just so beautiful, and happy, that he had to be happy, too. The half-demon wasn't sure how this priestess from the future could have such an effect on him, but he wasn't complaining. The perfect end to a day... he thought, his heart suddenly full.
And then.
The lovely girl in his embrace suddenly flinched, and drew in her breath sharply. Inuyasha stopped cold, tensed and ready.
"What is it?"
The second the words were out of his mouth, he smelled it. He didn't know how he could have missed it before. The scent of poison permeated the area, reaching his sensitive nose and causing him to growl. An ear twitched.
"I feel it." Kagome looked past him, intently staring into the darkened forest beyond his shoulder. Inuyasha swiftly turned around, and not ten seconds later an enormous youkai burst forth from the treeline.
It was a horrendous monster, with a dragonesque head, the body of a jungle cat, and a scorpion tail dripping blue, sizzling tears of poison. Its eyes were a dull yellow, like a harvest moon, and hard brown scales encased its head. The fur on its feline body was copper and shimmered like metal. The youkai roared and shot blue fire into the air. Its claws gleamed, sharpened butcher knives attached to paws the size of suitcases. If such an emotion were possible for a beast such as this, it glared at Inuyasha sadistically.
Inuyasha glared back.
"It's after my jewel shard..." Kagome said in minor shock. Certainly, angry youkai pursuing her shards of the Shikon jewel were nothing new. But only a moment ago, everything had been so wonderful. It was a cold reality check, thought the girl sadly, that reminded her that just when everything was going right for her, her responsibilities managed to get in the way of her heart.
Inuyasha made a movement to set her down by the tree, but Kagome stopped him. Luckily she'd left her bow and arrows at the base of the tree, and had grabbed them before setting back off for Kaede's hut. "I want to help!" she exclaimed.
The monstrous demon roared once more.
"I need you safe!" Inuyasha retorted, but she 'hmphed' at that.
"I won't let you fight this on your own!" she shot back. "It came because of my jewel shards. I should help defeat it. If you won't carry me, then I'll just have to walk!"
Inuyasha let out a frustrated breath. She was too stubborn. However, he was even more reluctant to have her injure herself further, and she also couldn't run away if the monster was drawn by her arrows. He shook his head, still dissatisfied, and shifted her to his back rather reluctantly. "All right, hold on!"
Angry at being ignored, the youkai shot a jet of fire at Inuyasha. He jumped high in the air and drew Tetsusaiga, avoiding the deadly flames and bringing the huge sword down on the demon's scaly neck with a fearsome cry.
The sword made a horrendous scraping noise as it hit the hard scales and slid off painfully. The jolt jarred Inuyasha's arms forcefully. He watched in disbelief as Tetsusaiga's powerful blade had no more effect than a butter knife, and fell to the ground with a grunt.
"Feh," he snorted, cursing his bad luck. "Sorry Kagome, this might get rough."
She nodded assent, an arrow loosely nocked in her bow, ready to fly. "Got it."
The youkai snarled, and crouched to spring. Inuyasha leaped out of the way as it bounded their way, its feline physique and large stature making it easy to cross the gap left between the adversaries in no time at all. Its deadly poison claws came down on nothing but grass and air as Inuyasha practically flew out of danger, standing with sword at the ready just behind the demon.
"Stupid cat, thinking it could catch me," he muttered. Kagome hid a smile. Typical overconfident Inuyasha.
But they'd forgotten the tail.
It came crashing down, a striking blue snake attacking the pair. Inuyasha blocked the razor edge of the tip with Tetsusaiga, shoving the dangerous appendage back with all his strength. He propelled himself backwards and shouted a warning to Kagome. "Get ready to shoot!"
She drew the sacred arrow back and yelled, "Ready!"
Inuyasha drew on the power of his demonic sword, and it turned sparkling silver, like diamond. This is the only thing strong enough to pierce the armor, he thought, determined, confident. His face was set in a grim smirk. He raised his sword and yelled his battle cry to the night sky.
"Adamant barrage!"
The deadly diamond shards flew towards the body of the youkai, at the same time as Kagome let loose her arrow. The pink glow accompanied the shining adamant missiles as they shot through the air towards the dragon-headed feline. The blazing light obscured the demon as they hit, and it roared a violent protest to the forest, sending a white-hot blast of flames into the night sky. When the blinding chaos of destructive power dissipated after many long moments, the monster was nowhere to be seen.
"Keh," Inuyasha growled, satisfied. Kagome sighed in relief, and Inuyasha let her slide to the ground. He knew it was harder for her to stay on without him there to help hold her, and realized that her legs must be sore. "You're all right?" he inquired gruffly.
"Of course," she replied, and slung her bow back over her shoulder. "That demon never stood a chance, not against you and I." She gave him a teasing grin.
Inuyasha smirked, then walked a few paces away. His expression turned troubled. A youkai that strong shouldn't have been that simple to defeat. He voiced this. "I agree... but even so, that was almost too easy..."
"Well, I-" Kagome's voice cut off from behind him, a muted cry taking the place of her next statement. Inuyasha's blood ran cold as he imagined all the things that could have caused her to utter such a cry, tinged with surprise and fear. He froze as the scent of blood entered his nose... the scent of her blood...
Why are last words always so mundane?
The thought came from a dark place, and he shoved it back where it came from. Those weren't her last words. They weren't. They couldn't be.
He slowly turned. His reality felt nightmarish as he watched Kagome's eyes widen in shock and pain as she was impaled on the hard, poisonous tip of a tail... a tail dyed blue with poison.
Whatever words could have been said in that moment were lost to the astonished young hanyou. He saw the young miko with the lovely dark eyes and the long raven hair clutch at her stomach futilely, saw her hands try to make sense of the hole in her belly where the scorpion tail had just withdrawn. "Inu...yasha?" she murmured uncertainly, before slumping to the ground as her brain shut down in response to the extreme pain.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha cried.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha choked.
"KAGOME!" Inuyasha screamed.
No response. No reaction to his desperate pleas.
Behind Kagome, he caught sight of the youkai, now the size of a bobcat, lurking behind the fallen girl. Its tail was still arched, ready to strike. He imagined he saw a smug smile on its ugly dragon face.
Despite the Tetsusaiga still clenched in his angry fist, Inuyasha began to see red. His breath came in angry, panicked huffs. Traces of Kagome's blood laced the air, seemed to permeate the entire area. It overwhelmed the hanyou. Her scent was filled with pain and fear. It caused fury to overcome him, and faint traces of purple stripes appeared on his cheekbones. His irises flashed a dull red.
The hanyou was turning youkai.
But then, through his half-crazed, hazy mind, a thought came drifting. A memory. Of a dark-haired girl, in a palace... a palace of mirrors... her lips, pressed to his, desperate... her face flushed and tears in her eyes as she watched him transform.
Her voice came to him from far away, deep inside the recesses of his memory. Stay with me, Inuyasha... I love you as a half-demon!
Stay with me...
Stay...
And Inuyasha knew that he could never give in to his demon side. Not while Kagome still had breath in her body. And maybe even when she didn't.
His eyes faded back to their normal, burning amber, and the stripes on his face disappeared. Kagome's face was the picture he held in his mind's eye as he gripped Tetsusaiga with all the force he could squeeze out of his hands.
He could never let her down.
At that moment, as Inuyasha glared at the hated youkai who may well have ended Kagome's life, the world seemed to go silent. He lifted his blade, stoic and impassive as his older half-brother, the face of the nearly dead priestess the only thing he saw as the enormous fang sliced the feline body in half. He felt no rage, only a deep, cold hatred that froze the blood in his veins and turned his thoughts to brittle icicles. His grief threatened to tear him apart, but Inuyasha felt the stillness of the earth as he contemplated the loss of the miko, and all he was concentrating on as he killed the creature that felled her was the sound of her breathing. Her breaths were rapid and shallow, and painful to listen to.
But they were there. And, for the moment, that was all that mattered.
Inuyasha wasted no time. As soon as the hideous youkai was no more than a torn corpse on the bloodstained ground, he lifted Kagome in his arms and ran back to Kaede's hut. His movement was swift as the north wind. All he felt was the dying warmth of the girl in his tight grasp, a fire nearly extinguished. All he focused on was her, and getting her to safety and healing as fast as possible.
At the hut, all their friends were inside, eating, laughing. But as soon as Inuyasha threw open the door, clutching Kagome, limp and bloody, to him, the others went silent. He paid no one any mind as he carefully laid her down on her bedding like a doll made of the most delicate glass. His eyes were drawn to her face, pale and blue as death.
But still he heard her frantic breaths, and that gave him hope.
He vaguely heard Kaede usher everyone else outside, an unimportant detail in the single-minded focus of the moment. He had eyes for no one else but her, and ears for nothing but the labored tempo of her heartbeat- yes, he could hear it pounding like racing horses. He was so attuned to her that he thought he could maybe hear her thoughts, if he tried.
"Inuyasha?" He heard Kaede in the faraway distance.
"A youkai... a youkai after the... the shard..." he replied in a daze, unable to accept the scene before him. Kagome couldn't die, she had to stay alive, because if she stopped breathing, he felt as if he might, too...
"Kagome," he whispered, and felt his heart begin to break. "Kagome... I didn't protect you..."
–
Kaede gently tried to remove Kagome from his vice-like grip. "I must tend to her wound,"
she said, her tone echoing that of a mother to her child. Eventually, her words got through to him through a thick cloud of disbelief, and he forced himself to release her from his arms. Inuyasha watched as the old priestess lifted Kagome's clothing enough to get to the wound, the fatal hole in the girl's body, red blood flowing freely. It had already soaked her clothes and the bedding. He forced himself not to turn away, not to fall to his knees in despair.
The old woman wrapped Kagome's torso tight in white bandages after applying a poultice. Her face was mostly impassive as she methodically worked through the task of stanching the flow of blood, but he caught a trace of grief on her wrinkled face as she finished binding the wound. Kaede turned to him, and she didn't have to say anything. Her expression, helpless and devoid of hope, explained everything he needed to know.
At the look on her face, Inuyasha felt something within him break. His heart? Maybe. He walked over to the dying girl, laid his head on her chest, and began to cry.
There was no hope. None at all. No way to save Kagome.
"To a human, this wound is fatal," Kaede told him wearily. "I am sorry, Inuyasha."
He raised his head, and wiped a tear away with a hand red with Kagome's blood. "Can't I take her back? Through the well?" he asked, desperate. "They're... they've got better care... they might... fix her?"
Kaede sighed.
"No, ye cannot," she answered heavily. "If ye do that, the girl will perish in the crossing. This poison from this particular demon is a malicious thing. The power of a priestess has no power over the poison, and only worsens it if used as an antidote. The sacred energy within the well would only quicken the poison, killing her almost immediately."
Inuyasha felt his tears, hot an unfamiliar on his face, drip onto the dying girl in front of him. "Is there nothing we can do?" He choked on the last word.
In response, the old miko only sighed. "I'll give ye some space," was her reply. She exited the hut quietly, with deep regret.
Inuyasha gathered Kagome into his arms, holding her damaged body to his chest. His tears came fast now, falling onto the young miko like rain. The dying girl instinctively leaned into her protector, resting in the warm embrace of someone her subconscious knew was safe.
"Kagome, don't leave..." he murmured into her dark hair. His words were an eery echo of her own, not so very long ago. He closed his eyes, and then, her voice came to him, with new words this time.
I promise.
And then, he was somewhere else entirely.
His legs raced to catch up to a gaggle of schoolgirls on a bright, sunny sidewalk, calling out to them in a voice that was not his own. The gray, metallic surroundings of Tokyo were a hazy backdrop to the clearer scene in front of him.
The girls turned and smiled at him. "Kagome!" one exclaimed. "So you finally got over that nasty chicken pox, huh?"
I'm... in Kagome's body? the hanyou wondered in amazement. He noted the misty quality of the details, the odd, echoing quality of the voices.
This was a memory.
"Yeah," he responded, against his will. He felt heat rush to his cheeks, though he himself felt no embarrassment. His mouth smiled back.
He soon found himself walking to Kagome's school with these girls, and soon, an interesting topic came up in conversation.
"Hojo's been asking about you," one girl said with a sly smile.
"He- he has?" Kagome's voice stuttered. Inuyasha was clueless.
"You should really dump that violent, two-timing guy who can't possibly deserve you and go out with him," another girl said, more forward and to the point.
Inuyasha felt Kagome's face heat up again. "Well... er..."
What? he thought in bewilderment. Kagome has a... boyfriend? A violent one? He was confused for a moment, and almost angry, despite he understood.
Are they talking about...me?
"Yeah, what's going on there lately?" the first girl pushed.
"Uh, nothing- nothing really," responded Kagome, and he felt her facial muscles strain as she pasted on a bright, awkward smile that he remembered from seeing it on her so many times... usually when she was around Koga, or when Inuyasha came to visit her world.
And then he felt something strange.
It was a thought, and yet it did not come from his brain. The way it was shaped did not feel like a thought that belonged in his mind at all; it felt alien and strange. But nevertheless, he thought it, and immediately recognized it as Kagome's.
I wish they'd stop reminding me about Inuyasha, was the thought, and it was accompanied by so many depressing emotions that the said young man was startled. Then, unbidden, an image of him and Kikyo kissing rose in his mind... and the streets of Tokyo went dark and disappeared, replaced by a dark forest and the glowing lights of soul collectors.
Now that he knew what was going on, Inuyasha could understand the dying girl's memories a little better. Kagome was hidden behind a tree while he watched her preincarnation and her hanyou kissing, and the silent watcher of her recollections could only wince at the sight. Her memory was almost black everywhere but their two faces, and such pain was in her heart that it felt like a physical wound.
After this, images became blurry. Kagome's mind flashed from memory to memory to memory. He only caught flashes; himself, pinned to the sacred tree by an arrow, Kagome feeling his ears to make sure they were real; her first "osuwari!" on the old bridge; when he pushed her down the well and told her to never come back, but she ignored him, anyway (thank the kamis!); her on a date with an unfamiliar boy, half-listening, but only daydreaming of her hanyou; him as a human, saving her even with his weakened strength; him embracing the fake copy of his mother, Kagome unable to move, screaming inside for Inuyasha to run, run! Images after images after images, with thoughts and emotions to match, all running together like melting snow, like watercolors in the rain. Inuyasha was stunned by the sheer force, like being drowned in an ocean of recollections. He was floored by the depth of her feelings, by the strength of her caring, by her unconditional forgiveness she gave away freely to him time after time after time. He couldn't believe he could possibly be that important to any one person.
At last, she halted on one memory. Kagome was kneeling, in a darkened room, and an infant was reaching with outstretched arms like a son reaching for his mother. The miko tried with all her might to escape the baby, but all was in vain. Soon it had its arms wrapped around her very soul. "Inuyasha!" Her mouth screamed his name.
The infant only laughed, taunting her. Telling her that Inuyasha was gone, after Kikyo, and wasn't coming for her. Each blow struck her heart, bruising the already tender parts there. Yet Inuyasha still felt her faith in him, beaten down but still untainted by the child's cruel words. "Inuyasha will come for me!" she retorted, angrily. Desperately.
He has to... came her thoughts once more, and Inuyasha silently agreed.
Of course, Kagome. Always!
But he had no voice, and that memory, that cursed memory he was growing to hate surfaced in Kagome's mind as the infant continued to strike her over and over with his sadistic words... A black forest, lit by the otherworldly glow of soul-collectors... Kikyo's lips, meeting Inuyasha's...
The hellish incarnation took advantage of her momentary weakness and wrapped his small fingers around her heart, and Kagome fell unconscious deep within her own mind. Next, flying through the air, clutching the infant to her chest, Kagura in front and the whole world spread out below, but no fear came, only deep depression...
Landing. A small girl stepped out to meet them, holding a tainted shard. Kanna. Inside, fighting, always fighting the baby's grasp... then remembering Kikyo... and falling dormant once more.
As the infant became aware of her resistance, he tortured her with more painful sentences, each word an arrow to her self-confidence, her faith in Inuyasha, her already battered heart. "Inuyasha has made his choice, and he has chosen Kikyo, not you." He smirked. He knew her weakness, knew the one thing that really brought her to her knees. And there was nothing she could do to stop him.
That's not true! Inuyasha cried inwardly. His frustration grew. I never meant to abandon you!
The child flung more barbed words at the miko, telling her that she was bitter towards Inuyasha. That she hated Kikyo. Kagome's confusion grew with every sentence.
I feel bitter towards Inuyasha? I hate Kikyo? I guess I have every reason to, but...
Inuyasha was suddenly filled with so much... so much love for her, he realized, as she gave a new meaning to unconditional love. It felt freeing to finally admit it to himself, that he loved Kagome. She was generous and good and beautiful and he loved her, and he never wanted to let her go again.
So ironic that I discover this as she's leaving me forever, he thought with bitterness and despair.
Then he noticed that Kagome had broken free of the infant's grasp! She was giving him a fierce tirade. "I can not feel bitterness towards these two," she was saying, "and I know these feelings mean..." She paused, as if gathering her courage.
"They mean I'm in love with Inuyasha!"
As Inuyasha's mind was wiped clean of any thoughts but complete and utter surprise, and Naraku's assorted incarnations all wore identical expressions of shock and desperation, the scene vanished; and suddenly, Inuyasha was watching Kagome this time, and she was kissing him.
He saw himself in full youkai form, angry and bloodthirsty... yet Kagome had her lips pressed to his, unafraid and so selflessly sweet that if he could have, Inuyasha would have hugged her to him and never let her go, would have told her how much it meant to him that she accepted him fully and loved him unconditionally. Just at the moment his youkai self began to fade and he began to return her kiss, the memory faded to darkness, and Inuyasha was thrown back into reality.
Kagome... I love you.
–
Inuyasha opened his eyes to find himself still kneeling on the floor, cradling Kagome in his arms. His fallen tears still glistened on her pale visage, and he gently pressed his lips to her forehead. "Kagome... I'm so sorry. You're dying, and... and it's all my fault..."
For a moment, he just sat there and held her tightly, letting his tears fall onto her hair. Savoring the last few hours, if that, he had left with her beating heart. Then, he smelled something that made him wrinkle his nose in recognition. Bones and graveyard soil.
Kikyo.
He lifted his face from where it was bent over the dying girl, and there was the undead miko, clothed in red and white and standing in the doorway, glowing with an ethereal aura. Her bow was slung over her shoulder, and her misty white soul collectors circled the hut outside. While Inuyasha had sat with Kagome, the moon had risen completely, and it now illuminated Kikyo's silhouette further. Her long, glossy black hair blew about her as she regarded her former lover with an unfathomable expression.
"Kikyo," he said, uncertain, wary.
"Inuyasha," she replied, her cool gaze surveying the situation.
"Why did you come here?" Inuyasha asked, his voice rough with grief.
"The time has come for you to make your choice," responded the resurrected priestess, stoic and cold as ever. She gestured to Kagome's lifeless body. "I have come to tell you how you can save my copy."
Inuyasha's hopeless amber eyes sparked. A flame was waiting to flare to life, if only given some fuel, anything at all to keep it going. "How?" he asked desperately, almost not caring what she thought of his deep desire to keep her reincarnation alive.
Kikyo's dead eyes gave no emotion away. "Mark her as your mate."
The hanyou's eyes grew wide. His first thought, ashamedly, was of his promises to Kikyo. How could he break the vows he'd given her, to love her forever? To always protect her? He looked at her in disbelief, that she should even suggest such a thing. At first it was a sense of loyalty to her that prevailed... then, a more powerful feeling of despair as he imagined Kagome lying dead on the floor. Inuyasha smelled the death on the priestess in the doorway, and for the first time he came to the realization that this Kikyo was truly not alive. The scent of corpses tainted her sweet smell that he remembered, and as Inuyasha thought back, he couldn't remember her ever showing any real, genuine emotion other than sadness and hatred since she had been raised from the dead.
Inuyasha looked down from Kikyo's face then, focusing on Kagome instead.
There is no true way to rise from the grave. The thought circled through his mind, a water snake slipping in and around his memories of Kikyo from long ago. He could sense its truth. Once a person died, a part of them was lost forever. Corpses could be reanimated, souls put back in a different body, but the person would never truly, fully return. Kikyo was proof enough.
Which is not exactly reassuring while watching the girl I love die.
Sesshomaru came to mind, he and the Tensaiga, that powerful twin of Tetsusaiga that could resurrect the dead. If Kagome dies...? However, Inuyasha had several problems with this solution. The first, obviously, was the fact that he hated his older half-brother. However, he might get over that, in a really desperate situation... if it were not for the fact that, for the Tensaiga to work, the subject must be dead. And Inuyasha didn't think he could sit and watch Kagome die, no matter if she would come back the next moment. Also, there was the unlikeliness that Sesshomaru would agree to save her.
There is no true way to rise from the grave...
Inuyasha's instincts warned him against trying to resurrect Kagome. That thought kept returning to him, a cautionary truth that he could not ignore. He knew Sesshomaru had raised Rin from the dead, and he didn't know enough about the girl to decide whether or not her trip to the afterlife and back had scarred her. But his instincts had warned him, and he was not willing to take such a chance with Kagome's life or emotional stability.
Inuyasha laid a hand over Kagome's heart. He felt it pounding beneath his fingers, pumping lifeblood through her, out of her, pouring out through her wound, soaking the bandages. The frantic yet steady pace of her heart focused the jumbled stream of his thoughts, which now turned to Kikyo's suggestion. Inuyasha gently stroked Kagome's hair, considering the implications of such an act. To mark Kagome as his mate... to bite her neck, to infuse his blood with her own? To forever unite their souls so that even in death they could not be torn apart? Only in his deepest well of hidden desires had he harbored such notions. For of course, what human could wish to be united with a hanyou, an abomination in such a manner? What woman, what human woman would consent to bear the child of a half-breed like him? Even Kikyo, the first (and for a long time, the only) one to love him since his mother died, had demanded he turn human before she would agree to marry him. He couldn't give Kagome such a fate, forever bound to the unworthy soul of a half-demon like him. He darkly entertained the thought that she might prefer death. Did her declaration of love for him go that far, as to wish to be his mate? He doubted it.
But, the longer he considered it...
He was sure that Kikyo was right, that marking Kagome would save her life. His youkai would battle the poison in her system and win, and her new, faster ability to heal would save her from her wound; he was sure of this. But to go to such measures... would she really want to be bound to him for eternity? How could he make this choice for her?
As he mulled it over, Inuyasha remembered Kikyo's ominous warning about a choice. Was it... was it between Kikyo and Kagome?
No duh, baka, he told himself, inwardly smiling wryly, though nothing was really funny about the situation.
After all, hasn't that what it's always been about?
"Kikyo, if I do this- if I mark Kagome as my mate- what will happen to you?"
She stared at him dispassionately. "If you choose to save my reincarnation in such a way, then never again shall we meet. I will wipe your very memory from my mind, and no longer will this tragedy continue."
Inuyasha expected the crushing pain to come at her statement... but felt surprise when his heart didn't break. His eyes fastened on to Kikyo, her face, her beautiful dark eyes... and felt nothing. No love for her surfaced in his heart. Sympathy, yes. He felt sorry for her, for the pain she had endured, for the fact that she could not rest in peace because of her resurrection. A sense of obligation, of honor; that was there too. He felt guilty over her death... but he suddenly wondered why. After all, Naraku was the one who killed her and caused the illusion that he had betrayed her. Inuyasha had never done a thing to her but love her. And she had pierced him with her arrow, stealing fifty years of his life, even if she had been deceived. So shouldn't she be the one running after him all the time, trying to atone for a betrayal that hadn't been entirely her fault? Their love had been borne of loneliness, and tainted with prejudice from the very beginning. She hadn't had faith in him... hadn't that been proved by how quickly she had been deceived, by how long it had taken to convince her that Naraku was behind the whole plot? Kikyo had wanted to live a normal life. It had seemed like a perfect solution at the time; Inuyasha would become human, Kikyo would live the life of a normal girl, and the jewel would be a danger no more. But had Kikyo only loved him because of what she believed he could do for her? And then, once he failed at that, at giving her the normalcy she so desired, had her love been extinguished?
The sense of his reasoning shook Inuyasha to the core. All he'd done since Kikyo had returned was to try and love her, to try to accept her the way she was... but she'd held a bitter grudge against him, because she saw the hanyou as physical proof of her lonely life while living and a reminder of how she had gotten her hopes up, only to have them crushed in the end. Had she ever really loved him? The question tortured him for a moment... then the pain faded as he looked back down at Kagome's still form. The very sight of her caused his heart to speed up. Kagome had been hurt by him over and over; he winced at the sheer number of times he'd left her waiting in the dark, waiting for him to come back from Kikyo's side. Yet she'd never given up on him. She had stayed by him and loved him, as a hanyou, as himself. He remembered all their battles together, their precious friendship that had blossomed over all their time spent jewel hunting and fighting Naraku. He remembered the funny moments, the frightening ones, the times of betrayal and fighting and, eventually, forgiveness. Because she was much more than he ever deserved, or ever possibly could. He loved her with all his heart. And now, she was fading, and he would soon be the lover of another dead priestess if he didn't do something quickly.
Kikyo or Kagome? He mused frantically, feeling the dying girl's pulse begin to weaken. The tragedy of my past or the love of my future? Loyalty to a dead woman, or devotion to one I might still save?
Which do I choose?
Kagome whimpered in unconsciousness. Kikyo waited in the doorway.
"Inuyasha," the younger girl whispered, and the tear of the one she loved fell onto her closed eyelid.
–
Kagome opened her eyes, and found herself standing in front of a modest hut, surrounded by trees, in the middle of a clearing. Her hands automatically went to her belly, where the sudden absence of pain made her head spin in relief. The skin was whole again, unbroken. Her clothes were no longer soaked in blood, and her school uniform was replaced by a lake blue kimono. Her wound was gone. She wondered if she had finally died.
She breathed in deeply, relishing the crisp, clean taste of the autumn air on her tongue and in her lungs. Sunshine filtered through the trees and kissed her face with the dim, pink light of dawn. The sky was a cool purple, welcoming the sun into the new day. A cool breeze ruffled her hair and caressed her body. Yes, this must be heaven, Kagome decided.
A child, no more than four years old, suddenly appeared from inside the small house and came running up to Kagome. He tugged on her kimono with an adorable, lopsided grin on his face. "Mommy!" he cried happily.
Kagome felt compelled to pick up the little boy, so she did, smiling gently. He grinned as she balanced him on a hip with almost familiar ease. She felt the strangest sense of joy as she looked at his enchanting smile, as if he truly were her son. She caressed his face lovingly, and his eyes lit up with joy at her touch. "Mommy's home," she told the little boy, the words leaving her lips like the lyrics to a long-forgotten song that her mouth still remembered.
The small child had thick, long hair that was black as the night, and deep brown eyes that smiled at her more brightly than his mouth. He buried his face in her shoulder, and she patted his head. She held him to her heart, and then the sun rose completely over the horizon, beams of light illuminating the pair. The little boy raised his head from her shoulder in anticipation. As Kagome watched, his hair turned silver, and tiny dog ears appeared from underneath his wild hair. His tiny hands that were clutching her tightly grew sharp as claws appeared. His smiling brown eyes turned an all-too familiar shade of gold.
"Mommy, Daddy missed you soooo much," the little hanyou confided knowingly, either oblivious to the changes that had occurred or so familiar with them that he didn't question them anymore. "Me too! I'm so glad you're home!"
Kagome blinked. Daddy?
Inuyasha?
"Where's Daddy?" Kagome found herself asking.
"He's- oh, there he is!" her son exclaimed, pointing in the direction of the small house. Sure enough, a figure was stepping out of the doorway and heading in their direction. The light of the rising sun hit his white hair and shone, and intense amber eyes met her own dark ones. He smiled, and all at once the world seemed so much brighter...
"You found Mom, huh?" Inuyasha called out. As he drew nearer, Kagome saw that he carried a little bundle in his arms. It was a little girl, still an infant, with hair white as snow. She was sleeping quietly, her eyelids fluttering. Her dog ears twitched.
As Inuyasha reached her, Kagome felt a contentment similar to that she had experienced just before the attack. This is exactly where I want to be, she realized happily, as Inuyasha put his free arm around her waist and led her inside. She held the hand of her son and gazed on the face of her beautiful little daughter. With Inuyasha.
Forever.
Kagome looked up at the face of her hanyou and smiled, knowing that she wouldn't have to fear the setting sun any longer.
From the treeline, the real Inuyasha watched Kagome's dream with something like joy and regret. Joy that he had realized Kagome's true wish at last, and regret that she'd had to endanger herself so badly in order for him to make the most important decision of his life.
"Kagome, I will not let you die," he told the retreating backs of the dream-family, and he let his eyes rest on 'his' arm around Kagome... with silvery-white hair still flowing down his back.
He, a hanyou. Kagome, a human. This was the future she wished. And so he would give it to her.
"Kagome, I choose you."
–
When Inuyasha returned to his body, he could see Kikyo in his peripheral vision, waiting for him to announce his decision. He waited for the guilt to rear its ugly head, waited for the pain and regret to hit him like a club to the head. But nothing happened. Nothing to make him second-guess his final choice.
This corpse of a woman was not Kikyo, and he loved her no longer.
Without saying a word to the undead priestess, he bent down over Kagome's vulnerable form and found the spot where her pulse beat in her neck. He leaned over to kiss her, his lips closing over the spot that would soon show proof of their love forever. As his teeth gently brushed the site, he bit his own tongue in preparation to fuse their blood together. He took a deep breath, and then his teeth sank into her neck, taking her blood into his veins and replacing what was lost with his own.
He soon felt her presence within him, wrapping itself around his very soul. The feeling was immediately overwhelming. Inuyasha knew his youkai was doing the same thing to her. Within her body it was fighting the poison of the evil youkai, forcing the poison to submit and be neutralized. He was confident that his youkai was stronger than that of the demon who had attacked Kagome. So confident...
And then, just as Inuyasha removed his fangs from her neck, at the same instant that Kikyo vanished in a flash of silver light, Kagome stopped breathing.
In the ageless seconds that followed, Inuyasha saw the life she had hoped for waver, flickering like a dying candle flame. He held his breath, as if Kagome's shallow respiration had been the only thing keeping him breathing, too. His heart beat a broken rhythm on his ribcage, a frantic tempo his thoughts couldn't keep pace with, frozen and sluggish as they were.
Kagome's soul, intertwined with his, began to pulse with feeling. He felt her tranquility, her peace by at last being satisfied with his soul so close to hers, held in an eternal embrace. He also felt her longing to be with him, not to die, her strong will to live. She wanted to live. She didn't want to spend forever in death with him yet. He felt her emotions as if they were his, and indeed they began to blur together. Their deep desire to survive, to raise a family, to spend centuries together, many peaceful centuries, before they passed on, together in eternity. Their love, so powerful and true, bound them together by the spirit, a bond that could never be broken.
Then, he felt her light begin to dim. Her emotions became hazy and once more separate from his, distinguishable by their indistinctness. Inuyasha no longer heard her heart beat. The sudden anticipation of loneliness was nearly unbearable.
Kagome... she couldn't be...
Dead?
Then, he heard her inhale with a gasp, and her body shuddered in his arms as her heart again began to pump, thudding furiously, filling his ears with the wonderful drumbeat of her aliveness. His own heart echoed hers, beating in sync, creating a steady rhythm that the sweet melody of love and relief followed.
Alive.
The sensation of her spirit beside his was overwhelming, the closeness more intimate than any physical embrace. He breathed in her scent, that was so much like and yet not like Kikyo, and appreciated the differences that made her who she was. Kagome was fiery and independent and yet still so sweet and gentle. She was generous beyond anyone else he'd ever met and always forgiving, and best of all, she was alive.
Inuyasha had fought many opponents and killed countless numbers of demon adversaries, yet he had never before felt just how easily death could come to a living being. Completely overcome, he thanked Kami over and over that he would never again be a dead girl's lover.
"Kagome."
All he could do was say her name.
Her beautiful dark eyes opened at last, and immediately locked onto his.
"Inuyasha?"
He couldn't help it; he laughed, laughed for just a moment, the joy inside spilling out into beautiful laughter than rang around the room, the sound resounding and pure. "Kagome," he repeated, his face breaking into a wide smile. "Kagome."
–
"Inuyasha, what... what's wrong?" Kagome was bewildered, but Inuyasha's infectious smile caught on all the same. "What happened?" She was dead, wasn't she? She had been dead... or hadn't she? Was the heaven she had been to all just a dream? She felt strangely melancholy at the thought. But joy still bubbled up in her, for some odd reason. She wasn't exactly joyful; more like confused, and a little disappointed. Disappointed that her dream wasn't reality after all.
Then, she felt it, and clasped a hand to her chest in surprise.
Her soul was no longer alone in her body. She felt a presence inside of her, another spirit intertwined with her own. The sensation was... intoxicating, overloading her senses with the sheer feeling of him inside of her. She could feel Inuyasha within her.
Kagome gazed into the amber eyes of her savior, entranced by his proximity, physically and emotionally. Her mind was hazy, filled with fog, struggling to catch up to what was going on. Why can I feel Inuyasha inside of me? Why am I even alive?
A physical discomfort penetrated the layers of mist around her dream-like awareness. Kagome reached up a hand to her neck, to scratch what felt like an itch. Except it hurt, though the pain was fading. Her fingers explored the unfamiliar, raised skin that... that almost felt like... a scar...
The utterly confused young miko tore her eyes away from Inuyasha's to look down at her stomach, where her memories told her a near-fatal wound ought to be punched through her. Her torso was indeed wrapped with blood-soaked bandages- she shivered at the sight of so much blood. But the piercing pain of the wound and the slow, sluggish crawl of the poison within Kagome's veins was no more. All she felt was a burning itch she attributed to healing pains. She shifted her gaze back to the hanyou, wide-eyed.
"How am I alive?" Kagome touched the strange scar on her neck. "How did you heal me?"
And...
"And why... why can I feel you inside of me?"
For a long moment, it seemed that Inuyasha had not heard her, lost in studying her face as he was. But then he spoke.
"We are mated, Kagome," Inuyasha told her gently. "Well... not completely." She blushed with the intended meaning, embarrassed, even now. "But you belong to me now, and I to you. There is no separating us now, even in death. Our blood is fused together, you carry my scent, and I carry yours."
The girl's mouth formed an "o", her fingers probing the imprint of her inu-hanyou's teeth on her neck. "Inuyasha... you did this?"
For a moment his joy at having her as his mate faltered. Is she unhappy? he worried suddenly, fearing the worst. Did I misinterpret her feelings somehow? He was filled with an apprehension so great he could scarcely breathe.
Did I make a mistake?
But then, a beautiful smile spread over her face. "You... you love me? That much?" And his euphoria returned, tenfold.
"Of course," Inuyasha whispered. "Of course I love you." And the strength, the sheer, overpowering force of his emotions within Kagome's soul, was enough to convince her of his absolute sincerity.
His gaze was like molten honey as his eyes burned into hers. "Kagome," he murmured, his voice slow and deep, savoring the taste of her name in his mouth. And then his lips were on hers, and everything else was forgotten. Kagome was lost to everything else but the man in whose arms she rested, and she embraced her mate tightly when at last they parted for air.
There was an unspoken question that hovered in the air. Should they continue?
Kagome decided no. Not the right place. Not the right time.
Instead, she said, "We'll have to wait to settle down, I guess. Until Naraku is defeated." She shivered at the lovely feel of those words. Starting a family with the man she loved. This sunset hadn't ended in depression, after all. Inuyasha nodded, halfway listening, mostly inhaling her scent.
"Guess we'd better tell everyone you're alive," Inuyasha said after quite a while of just enjoying the feel of Kagome in his arms. The first gray bits of sunlight were appearing on the horizon. "Kaede undoubtedly thinks you're dead by now."
"Thank you, Inuyasha," Kagome said in reply, leaning her head on his chest as he carried her towards the door. "For everything." She didn't know all the details yet, of what had happened while she fought the demons in her own mind as she lay in her own blood on the floor. She didn't know what had convinced Inuyasha to save her in such a way. She didn't know why she felt no guilt over Kikyo in his emotions that swirled inside her, mixing with her own. But what she did know was this: she was alive, and she and Inuyasha would never be torn apart again. And that was enough to set her at ease.
Inuyasha just smiled happily in response to her words and her emotions, and the hanyou and the miko stepped out the door and into the first light of day.
-fin-
Epilogue
A girl is dreaming.
Her long dark hair nearly hides the peaceful expression on her sleeping face. She wears a kimono of the palest blue, and her porcelain skin is luminescent in the moonlight. She lies on the small bedroll contentedly. When she shifts, murmuring quietly, her hair moves, and a single black dog ear is revealed.
Her mother moves into the room, silent and gentle. She gazes upon her daughter's slumbering expression with silent joy. "Kiyomi," she whispers, her face appreciative of her precious gift of a child. The mother places a hand on her own slightly swollen belly. Another child will soon be joining her young daughter.
A man pads quietly up behind her and puts her arms around her from behind. She leans into her husband, content.
No longer will a sunset take away the love that the couple feels in this moment. He is hers and she is his. Forever.
The hanyou with the silver-white hair leans down to kiss his miko, eyes still on his beautiful daughter, dreaming in the moonlight. He smiles, and the full moon smiles in return as the stars twinkle, and his mate glows with happiness.
This is home, he thinks, resting in his mate's embrace, as time stops for just this moment, just for the two of them. Inuyasha holds on to this, holds on to Kagome as he revels in the knowledge that at last he can stop searching for something to fill his heart.
He is finally home.
-fin-
(Original Author's Note 6-25-11)
Reviews would be lovely. This is my first attempt at Inuyasha fanfiction, so if you would please keep that in mind that would be great. :D (Translation: flame me on my writing quality all you want, but go easy on me when it comes to the plot. ;)
Thanks for reading!
Edit as of 1-24-12-
After almost exactly six months, I return to this story again. I just want to say that the reaction to my first Inuyasha story ever, not just on this site, has been overwhelming to me. Yes, thirteen reviews may not seem like much to some, but to me, an author new to Fanfiction dot net, it means the world. I know I didn't respond to any of the reviews (I don't think...), but trust me, each and every one of them made me smile and gave me inspiration to continue on in this category. So let me just give my lovely reviewers some brief recognition:
Elantina (Thank you thank you thank you! I owe you big time for introducing me to Inuyasha and giving me so much support on this and all my other stories. Love ya girl!)
ananova
evil-chica's-4-life
xxoikilluoxx
Jingyee1511
Kanna37
XInuKagXOXORobStarX
Breeluv
Black Dahlia
shizuoizaya 4 ever
Oh Jiru
Thanks to all you guys. You made me want to write more, as well as the countless people who put this on their Favorites (and still are). I love it when my email gets blown up from fanfiction alerts. (: I hope you've enjoyed Alive- I changed nothing since June, when it was first published. Although I can find some mistakes and things I'd fix if I was writing it over again, I decided to leave it as it is.
Thank you! I love my reviewers, and it never sat well with me that I never thanked y'all. And now, if you'd like, I have another InuKag story I think you might enjoy, entitled Early Crossing, which is currently in progress. Hope some of you will decide to go check it out;)
-Lady E
