Chapter One: The Hostile Human UFO Girl
It was just another ordinary doom-lecture filled Monday in Ms. Bitters' class, when suddenly the door opened. "Class, this is a new student. Tell the class your name now, and then sit down!" The girl cleared her throat, and scanned the classroom with her narrow eyes.
"I am called UFOgirl, because I have a bit of an obsession with UFOs, also known as UAOs, or Unidentified Aerial Objects. If any of you have any kind of problem with that, then you are certain to suffer my interminable wrath. I care not what morons such as your pitiful selves think of me, but I do, however, find it intolerably infuriating when I am diverted from my imperative work for such meaningless activities. Now, instructor Bitters, will you please assign me to a seat so as to allow me to waste my incredible talent and genius on sitting in a pathetic excuse for an educational establishment?"
"Over there." She pointed next to Zim. A button was pressed, and the student who sat there previously had disappeared into the underground classroom.
"You have my thanks and utter confusion." The girl sat down, and shot Zim a glare. She had short, black hair that covered her ears, and wore a pair of glasses over her green eyes. Her attire was composed of the following: A black shirt that reached nearly to her knees, which was covered for the most part by a midnight blue jacket, black pants, and boots. "What is it that you think you are looking at, alleged human boy?"
"Uh...nothing! Yes, nothing!"
"Would you kindly cease your deplorable attempt to induce me into thinking that you are of human origin? I believe I feel my IQ dropping at mere sight of you. Surely you must be a shame to whatever planet it is that you come from. As would be expected from humanity, I suppose that no one notices the difference. No matter. Anyone as slow on the uptake as you would have no conceivable chance of inflicting any harm upon the people of Earth, much as they deserve it. By the way, I meant to ask - just what is it that you are called?"
"My name is ZIM! Pathetic human fool!"
"Ah, a little insulting rant about my own faults to keep your ego up, is that it? Well, I must say, I'm actually quite entertained by this show of ignorance. Bravo. Now, let's hear some more." Zim merely fumed, for he was being made a fool, and by a human! This intrigued Dib. After all, just how often was it that someone actually intelligent came into class and started to comment on how pitiful his enemy's disguise was? Whispers rotated from end to end of the classroom, and amongst them were comments such as,
"She's crazy too," and "Her head's even bigger than Dib's." When recess came about, and the children all went outside, the girl remained. Dib was somewhat perplexed, so he went to see her.
"So...you like UFOs?"
"Yeah. Any problems with that, four-eyes?"
"I was just trying to be nice, and you wear glasses too."
"I know. I suppose it is force of habit. I apologize."
"Apology accepted. Why don't you go to recess?"
"Why should I? I am perfectly aware of the fact that I'm not exactly the popular type amongst your classmates, Dib."
"Yeah, it's just that - wait, what did you call me?"
"By your name."
"How did you know my name?"
"After some research, I found out. Agent UFOgirl, from the Swollen Eyeballs. Nice to meet you in person. Wow. It's strange to say those words. I haven't really talked kindly to anyone for some time now."
"Oh. Why don't you ever try to be nice to them?"
"The same reason as you. Just want to get my work done. After all, which do you think they'd prefer? My talking to them, or my saving their hides?"
"You're defending Earth from an alien too?"
"Sort of. But I have more of a challenge. My enemy is much more intelligent than that Zim."
"You know his name too?"
"I've seen your statements about him, which proves him all the more pathetic. Besides, he shouted his name out to me, remember? Now, could you please leave me be?"
"Come on, you've got to help me! He's going to conquer Earth!"
"No he's not, so long as you stick to it and don't waste your time bothering me about it."
"Are you an alien?"
"Huh? No, of course not."
"I think you are."
"I AM not! I'm just a kid genius who's into the paranormal! Geez, what do you want from me?"
"Then why won't you help me? This is our chance to prove that aliens DO exist!"
"I'm sorry, truly I am, but my research goes far beyond anything that you could possibly fathom. Things that, if truth be told, could tear this universe apart, causing a total collapse of the balance of the entire inter- dimensional system and the end of all existence as we know it! I must stop it. You have your battles and trials to face, and I have mine! Can't you just leave it at that?"
"No. You must help me!"
"I said the answer is NO! I must do this, and on my own. It is my fate."
"Don't you think that maybe your fate brought you here for a reason? Maybe you need to be stalled. Something bad will happen to you if you don't come help me."
"And so what if it does?! It's not as though there's any reason for you to care! I'm like a tumbleweed - I pass through, and people notice me while I'm here, but when I'm gone, I'm soon forgotten. Dib, heed my word, don't get too attached to things. It will just leave you in ruins when they're long dead." She got up, and opened the classroom door, and just as her right foot had first stepped outside into the hall, Dib stopped her.
"What's your name?"
"I can't tell you that. It will just make me seem more like a person than the ethereal shadow of a child that I am. Now, let me alone!"
"No."
"WHAT did you say?"
"I said no."
"I'm afraid I have but one option left." The girl stepped back inside the vacant classroom, closed the door behind her, and looked forebodingly at him with her piercing green eyes. From behind her she pulled a backpack and selected a laptop from amongst her books. She set it down on the nearest desk, opened it up, and began typing furiously at the keys. "I did not wish to do this, but I'm afraid it must be done." She hit one final key, and the two vanished from sight. They found themselves in what looked like a dark room whose sides were mirrors that stretched vastly on all sides.
"Where are we?! What did you do?!"
"I'm not really sure how to explain this. It's a parallel universe, though."
"What can't you explain?"
"What I can't explain...is how we got into this one. According to my calculations, it seems we have landed into a forbidden zone."
"A forbidden zone?"
"Yes. I don't have unlimited access to all the different dimensions and realities, but it looks like we're in the fifth dimension."
"The fifth dimension?"
"Yes, and would you kindly discontinue repeating everything I say? Thank you. Yes, this is the fifth dimension. I only have access to the fourth, which allows me the transits to common parallel universes."
"A common parallel universe?"
"A universe parallel to the one of our origin that's also in the same dimension, such as a universe parallel to a two-dimensional reality that is also two-dimensional. Apparently this is a transit to parallel universes of the fifth dimension. That is quite unfortunate."
"How?"
"I don't know how to transit back into the fourth or third dimensions."
"What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure. Look at the floor you stand on."
"Why?"
"Just look at it." He did, and saw the back of his head in front of him.
"Why do I see the back of my head?"
"There must be some kind of system that relays images of the ceiling to the floor, and vise-versa, so that things appear opposite. If we can only create a paradox to disrupt the system...I know! All we have to do is to put a mirror in front of the mirror image floor, then the new mirror will mirror whatever the floor mirrors, which is the ceiling view. That should open a window through the so-called mirror, and allow us to get to the fourth dimension! From there we can travel anywhere! All we need is a reflective surface..."
"I don't have any mirrors."
"Neither do I. But - we both have glasses. I'll help you first, to ensure that you make it all right. We will, however, require a light source to set off the chain reaction."
"Here. I have a flashlight with me."
"Okay. Thanks."
"What were you going to do to me?"
"What? Oh, that. I was going to send you to an alternate reality where you would be documented for observation. Just to make sure you don't get in my way. I won't be able to do so now, thanks to somebody's hacking into my system."
"I didn't hack into your computer!"
"No, not you. Something else. An entity far beyond anything you've ever come into contact with. I've spent all my recesses for the past two years trying to hack into the secret experimental government research files on parallel universes and inter-dimensional travel, only to find that it was labeled as a subcategory of paranormal phenomena. Now that I've finally found what little people know, one simple little code, I've been able to conduct a more advanced study, allowing me to uncover countless combinations and formulae, giving me admittance into all kinds of gateways of time and space. And finally it's beginning to pay off. But I can't have you distracting me." She reflected the light from the flashlight on the lenses of the glasses and to the mirrored floor. Before them, the walls changed from their mirror effect to an array of bluish purple light rays.
"Where are we?"
"The fourth dimension. All I have to do is type a certain code and...there!" They found themselves back in the classroom, just as they had been. "Now Dib, you must leave me alone, or I will be forced to do something horrible to you. Yours and everyone else's lives depend on the success of this mission. If you care anything at all for your kind, you will continue fighting Zim as if I was never here. Got that? Or we'll all die." The bell rang, and class resumed.
It was just another ordinary doom-lecture filled Monday in Ms. Bitters' class, when suddenly the door opened. "Class, this is a new student. Tell the class your name now, and then sit down!" The girl cleared her throat, and scanned the classroom with her narrow eyes.
"I am called UFOgirl, because I have a bit of an obsession with UFOs, also known as UAOs, or Unidentified Aerial Objects. If any of you have any kind of problem with that, then you are certain to suffer my interminable wrath. I care not what morons such as your pitiful selves think of me, but I do, however, find it intolerably infuriating when I am diverted from my imperative work for such meaningless activities. Now, instructor Bitters, will you please assign me to a seat so as to allow me to waste my incredible talent and genius on sitting in a pathetic excuse for an educational establishment?"
"Over there." She pointed next to Zim. A button was pressed, and the student who sat there previously had disappeared into the underground classroom.
"You have my thanks and utter confusion." The girl sat down, and shot Zim a glare. She had short, black hair that covered her ears, and wore a pair of glasses over her green eyes. Her attire was composed of the following: A black shirt that reached nearly to her knees, which was covered for the most part by a midnight blue jacket, black pants, and boots. "What is it that you think you are looking at, alleged human boy?"
"Uh...nothing! Yes, nothing!"
"Would you kindly cease your deplorable attempt to induce me into thinking that you are of human origin? I believe I feel my IQ dropping at mere sight of you. Surely you must be a shame to whatever planet it is that you come from. As would be expected from humanity, I suppose that no one notices the difference. No matter. Anyone as slow on the uptake as you would have no conceivable chance of inflicting any harm upon the people of Earth, much as they deserve it. By the way, I meant to ask - just what is it that you are called?"
"My name is ZIM! Pathetic human fool!"
"Ah, a little insulting rant about my own faults to keep your ego up, is that it? Well, I must say, I'm actually quite entertained by this show of ignorance. Bravo. Now, let's hear some more." Zim merely fumed, for he was being made a fool, and by a human! This intrigued Dib. After all, just how often was it that someone actually intelligent came into class and started to comment on how pitiful his enemy's disguise was? Whispers rotated from end to end of the classroom, and amongst them were comments such as,
"She's crazy too," and "Her head's even bigger than Dib's." When recess came about, and the children all went outside, the girl remained. Dib was somewhat perplexed, so he went to see her.
"So...you like UFOs?"
"Yeah. Any problems with that, four-eyes?"
"I was just trying to be nice, and you wear glasses too."
"I know. I suppose it is force of habit. I apologize."
"Apology accepted. Why don't you go to recess?"
"Why should I? I am perfectly aware of the fact that I'm not exactly the popular type amongst your classmates, Dib."
"Yeah, it's just that - wait, what did you call me?"
"By your name."
"How did you know my name?"
"After some research, I found out. Agent UFOgirl, from the Swollen Eyeballs. Nice to meet you in person. Wow. It's strange to say those words. I haven't really talked kindly to anyone for some time now."
"Oh. Why don't you ever try to be nice to them?"
"The same reason as you. Just want to get my work done. After all, which do you think they'd prefer? My talking to them, or my saving their hides?"
"You're defending Earth from an alien too?"
"Sort of. But I have more of a challenge. My enemy is much more intelligent than that Zim."
"You know his name too?"
"I've seen your statements about him, which proves him all the more pathetic. Besides, he shouted his name out to me, remember? Now, could you please leave me be?"
"Come on, you've got to help me! He's going to conquer Earth!"
"No he's not, so long as you stick to it and don't waste your time bothering me about it."
"Are you an alien?"
"Huh? No, of course not."
"I think you are."
"I AM not! I'm just a kid genius who's into the paranormal! Geez, what do you want from me?"
"Then why won't you help me? This is our chance to prove that aliens DO exist!"
"I'm sorry, truly I am, but my research goes far beyond anything that you could possibly fathom. Things that, if truth be told, could tear this universe apart, causing a total collapse of the balance of the entire inter- dimensional system and the end of all existence as we know it! I must stop it. You have your battles and trials to face, and I have mine! Can't you just leave it at that?"
"No. You must help me!"
"I said the answer is NO! I must do this, and on my own. It is my fate."
"Don't you think that maybe your fate brought you here for a reason? Maybe you need to be stalled. Something bad will happen to you if you don't come help me."
"And so what if it does?! It's not as though there's any reason for you to care! I'm like a tumbleweed - I pass through, and people notice me while I'm here, but when I'm gone, I'm soon forgotten. Dib, heed my word, don't get too attached to things. It will just leave you in ruins when they're long dead." She got up, and opened the classroom door, and just as her right foot had first stepped outside into the hall, Dib stopped her.
"What's your name?"
"I can't tell you that. It will just make me seem more like a person than the ethereal shadow of a child that I am. Now, let me alone!"
"No."
"WHAT did you say?"
"I said no."
"I'm afraid I have but one option left." The girl stepped back inside the vacant classroom, closed the door behind her, and looked forebodingly at him with her piercing green eyes. From behind her she pulled a backpack and selected a laptop from amongst her books. She set it down on the nearest desk, opened it up, and began typing furiously at the keys. "I did not wish to do this, but I'm afraid it must be done." She hit one final key, and the two vanished from sight. They found themselves in what looked like a dark room whose sides were mirrors that stretched vastly on all sides.
"Where are we?! What did you do?!"
"I'm not really sure how to explain this. It's a parallel universe, though."
"What can't you explain?"
"What I can't explain...is how we got into this one. According to my calculations, it seems we have landed into a forbidden zone."
"A forbidden zone?"
"Yes. I don't have unlimited access to all the different dimensions and realities, but it looks like we're in the fifth dimension."
"The fifth dimension?"
"Yes, and would you kindly discontinue repeating everything I say? Thank you. Yes, this is the fifth dimension. I only have access to the fourth, which allows me the transits to common parallel universes."
"A common parallel universe?"
"A universe parallel to the one of our origin that's also in the same dimension, such as a universe parallel to a two-dimensional reality that is also two-dimensional. Apparently this is a transit to parallel universes of the fifth dimension. That is quite unfortunate."
"How?"
"I don't know how to transit back into the fourth or third dimensions."
"What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure. Look at the floor you stand on."
"Why?"
"Just look at it." He did, and saw the back of his head in front of him.
"Why do I see the back of my head?"
"There must be some kind of system that relays images of the ceiling to the floor, and vise-versa, so that things appear opposite. If we can only create a paradox to disrupt the system...I know! All we have to do is to put a mirror in front of the mirror image floor, then the new mirror will mirror whatever the floor mirrors, which is the ceiling view. That should open a window through the so-called mirror, and allow us to get to the fourth dimension! From there we can travel anywhere! All we need is a reflective surface..."
"I don't have any mirrors."
"Neither do I. But - we both have glasses. I'll help you first, to ensure that you make it all right. We will, however, require a light source to set off the chain reaction."
"Here. I have a flashlight with me."
"Okay. Thanks."
"What were you going to do to me?"
"What? Oh, that. I was going to send you to an alternate reality where you would be documented for observation. Just to make sure you don't get in my way. I won't be able to do so now, thanks to somebody's hacking into my system."
"I didn't hack into your computer!"
"No, not you. Something else. An entity far beyond anything you've ever come into contact with. I've spent all my recesses for the past two years trying to hack into the secret experimental government research files on parallel universes and inter-dimensional travel, only to find that it was labeled as a subcategory of paranormal phenomena. Now that I've finally found what little people know, one simple little code, I've been able to conduct a more advanced study, allowing me to uncover countless combinations and formulae, giving me admittance into all kinds of gateways of time and space. And finally it's beginning to pay off. But I can't have you distracting me." She reflected the light from the flashlight on the lenses of the glasses and to the mirrored floor. Before them, the walls changed from their mirror effect to an array of bluish purple light rays.
"Where are we?"
"The fourth dimension. All I have to do is type a certain code and...there!" They found themselves back in the classroom, just as they had been. "Now Dib, you must leave me alone, or I will be forced to do something horrible to you. Yours and everyone else's lives depend on the success of this mission. If you care anything at all for your kind, you will continue fighting Zim as if I was never here. Got that? Or we'll all die." The bell rang, and class resumed.
