The Marauders answer fan mail
Dear Marauders,
Your pranks are totally awesome! Think you could teach me some? I have a cousin who's in a BAD need of a prank... and a hex. Also, another one who just needs to be miserable for 5 hours, so I would totally appreciate it if you guys could help me!
Amelia
Dear Amelia,
Yes, we know our pranks are great. Sirius volunteered to teach you a hex or two. Hope that cousin of yours doesn't heal well.
Sincerely,
The Marauders.
XxXx
Dear Marauders,
You guys are all awesome. Except for Peter, because he needs to die.
Love, Bob
Dear Bob,
We like the name. Thanks for the consideration. We would like to tell you that Peter is a bit hurt. But he'll get over it.
Sincerely,
The Marauders.
XxXx
Dear Marauders,
I'm writing this on behalf of my friend, Lily. Yes, James, you're probably gaping right now, well you'd better take a seat. Even if Lily (Evans!!) swears she hates you, she TOTALLY loves you! Just last night, she was doodling on her transfiguration book 'J.P + L.E.' Believe me, as a guy, I can TOTALLY tell you she's head over heels for you!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I bet Sirius wrote this. (Sirius would like to say he did not!) Whoever wrote this is dumb and stupid. I know Lily loves me, but she does not doodle. She's too neat for that. Die a painful death!
Sincerely,
James
XxXx
Dear Remus Lupin,
What's it like being a werewolf? Is it fun?
From,
Your faithful fan
Dear Faithful fan,
Are you retarded? Being a werewolf is not exactly a walk in the park. Though I do have fun on full moons because of my wonderful friends, it does not mean I enjoy them. I suggest you read up a little more on werewolves.
Sincerely,
Remus Lupin
XxXx
Dear Marauders,
You're all very cool and hot! And my idols! gives kiss to James, Sirius and Remus don't feel excluded, Peter, I just totally hate you so yeah... But Remus, I have to tell you, I think you being a werewolf (and don't deny it, I know it from a very reliable source) is VERY sexy! Not to mention TOTALLY cute! Sirius, you have to admit, werewolves are a lot like cute little puppies, aren't they?
Y'all rock! Keep driving Filch insane!
Angela
Dear Angela,
Thanks! We all find ourselves very attractive too. Peter would like to say that he is very hurt. But I'm sure you intended that. Remus would like to say that he is glad that you approve of him being a werewolf, but would like it if you used a different word besides 'Sexy'. For some odd reason, that bugs him.
Sirius disagrees with you about werewolves being like cute little puppies. Obviously, you have not seen Remus in the morning.
Yours truly,
The Marauders
P.S. We'll be sure to continue to drive Filch up the wall. He doesn't have much of a choice.
XxXx
Dear Sirius,
You are so hot! I swear, I gaze at your picture every day.
Please love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
STALKER! Where the bloody hell did you get a picture? Rot in hell. I will never love you. You scare me too much.
Sirius Black
XxXx
Dear Peter Pettigrew,
I hope you die! Die a painful death and suffer in Hell!
Megan
Dear Megan,
I hope you die! That was uncalled for. This is FAN mail.
Sincerely,
Peter
XxXx
Dear Marauders,
Your pranks are totally awesome! You remind me of Fred and George.
Love, your fan,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Thanks for the compliment. But who are these Fred and George you speak of? We're always up for a bit of competition.
Sincerely,
The Marauders
XxXx
Dear Marauders,
I love you guys! You're all SO totally H-O-T!! But I have to say, Sirius is THE hottest of all (no offense James, but you're already taken/ and Remus, you're taken too, even if you don't know it yet). You rule, Sirius!!!
Will you marry me?
Diana
P.S. Peter needs to die!
Dear Diana,
Thanks! We always love to hear a nice compliment. Sirius takes pride in being the hottest. Thanks for making his head already bigger than it is. James would like to say he is very happy with the girl of his dreams, AKA Lily Evans. Remus would like to say that he is not taken. Though he does have his eyes set on a very cute girl. We still can't get him to ask her out, though.
Sirius will not take up your offer of marriage. He says that it should always be the guy to ask for one's hand in marriage and that he is currently taken by a fellow Gryffindor named Alexa.. He plans to be with her for some time too.
Sincerely,
The Marauders
P.S. Peter would like to know why it is him getting all the hate mail?
XxXx
Dear Peter,
I find you very, very, very sexy! If you can get your hands on a telephone,
Please, oh please, call me! 503 450 9938
Love,
your future Lover
Dear Mean person,
We are writing in behalf of Peter. Currently he is going through therapy. That was not very nice of you to give a number to a rejection hotline. Though we, as the Marauders, found it hilarious.
Thanks for the good laugh.
Sincerely,
The Marauders (Minus Peter)
XxXx
That's it for now. Please feel free to send in your own fan mail by review. You can do individual letters too. The Marauders will reply.
