Author Note: Hello. I hope you enjoy this story. Please do not judge it by its appearance. This can turn out to be quite funny if you give it a chance. Thanks.
Star Koopas: A Fanfic by TheCanCollecter and Yoshiblue4
An idea by Yoshiblue4
Written by TheCanCollecter and Yoshiblue4
Commander: Let's go go go go you guys! We are at war here!
Fox and his team ran down the hall with immense speed. They were about one hundred feet away from the docking bay. They ran in swiftly and hopped into their Arwings and slowly started them up. The air lock door opened quickly and the crisp light from space shot into the Arwing bed. The light bounced off of Fox's sunglasses
Fox: Here we go guys. Like the good old days!
They all lifted their ships and blasted into space
Slippy: All systems are online Fox! The geta-fusers could use some tuning though. But we'll be fine!
Fox: Good! We should be there in about...
Fox stopped his ship. Falco and Slippy did the same
Falco: What's up Fox?
Fox stared at Peppy's ship and watched as it kept doing loops
Fox: Um... Peppy?
Peppy: Do a barrel roll!
Falco: What?
Peppy: Do a barrel roll!
Fox: What the hell is your problem? We are needed!
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!!! DO A BARREL ROLL!!!
Peppy drove his ship back into the great fox and blew himself up
Fox: I really don't know what to say anymore.
Falco: I get his computer!
Slippy: Finally! Now we see what he really was using those condoms for!
The three zoomed off to the Elite Koopa base
A Fanfic…
In awhile …
About stuff going on…
Somewhere in space…
Star Koopas: The Battle for Nothing in Particular
Space. Outer Space. The box. Whatever you want to call it. It is a massively huge, gianourmous place. And gianourmous isn't a real word. And in this really gianourmus place, we all know of a familiar blue planet that we call Frackron, not to far from Earth. The planet Frackron, is slightly bigger than Earth, but has less people persons. You see, unlike Earth, Frackron came up with the idea, of "lubes" before Earth did. But anyways, sometimes people like to get in fights. And with the universes massive space, there just so happens to be a fight in this one little area, which is quite big to us. Now people in general like being respected and such. But sometimes, people disrespect others, therefore making them mad, therefore making them want to hit them on the head with really really really big Atari's. And when a great number of individuals want to hit others on the head with Atari's, it is known as the practice of violence, which is war, well, that's what people call it. Let me tell you about a time when the planet Frackron had such a war that involved three planets...
A long gianourmous time ago,
in some place pretty damn far away...
STAR KOOPAS
In a time of bad
things going on,
in a land where an
evil ruler named
Darth Bowser
dwells, is a great
war that is disrupting
the balance of the
Gamra System. Well
that's basically it.
Chapter 1: Marshall the Nobody
On the planet Frackron, in Darth Bowser's castle
Darth Bowser: It is coming, men! It'll be tonight! We must not fail the war! Plans are set and so forth! You, small Koopa, come here!
Marshall: Me?
Darth Bowser: No, your mother!
Marshall: But my mother is dead.
Darth Bowser: Huh? What?! Get your butt over here!
Marshall: But then the rest of my body would have to come with it. Unless someone cut my butt off...
Storm Koopa 1: Oh Lord, here we go again.
Darth Bowser: Listen, you! I want you in front of me now!!!!
Marshall ran over to Darth Bowser
Marshall: Yes, my lord?
Darth Bowser: I am no lord. I am Darth! Call me Darth darn it! What the hell is your problem? How many times have I told you to call me "Darth" and not lord?!
Marshall: This is the only time you've ever brought it up.
Darth Bowser: ... Okay listen, you! I am so sick of your kiddy nonsense...
Two hours later
Darth Bowser: And then my mom was all like, you better blah blah blah up, or you will never get anywhere on the streets.. Now go away man!
Marshall: But why did you call me?
Darth Bowser: I forgot. Now beat it!
The other Koopas mocked him as the poor one eyed Koopa walked down the great hall
Storm Koopa 2: You'll never be good for anything.
Storm Koopa: Yeah ya one eyed creep.
Storm Koopa 3: Sony sucks!
Storm Koopa: What's a So.. Sony?
Storm Koopa 3: I don't know. Some guy from Earth told me to say it when I was visiting.
The poor one eyed Koopa walked down the hall and ran out the door
Darth Bowser: You guys are harsh
Storm Koopa 4: So are you.
Darth Bowser: Oh please, I am not harsh...
Lenny: Hey guys... life sucks.
Darth Bowser: HEY LOOK HERE COMES LENNY WHO JUST GOT DUMPED!!! LOOSER!
Meanwhile at Mario and Luigi's house (On Frackron)
Mario: I'm bored.
Luigi: Me too.
Mario: I would say "I'm bored" again, but that would take more effort.
Luigi: But it just took more effort to say what you said now!
Mario: What?
Luigi: You are very hopeless. I'm going to go outside for a bit.
Suddenly the phone rang
Mario: I'LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL GET IT!!!!!!!
Mario jumped up from his chair and spun to the phone and flipped to his feet
Mario: Hello! It's a me Mario!
Goomba: Wait this ain't Pete the pizza maker?
Mario: Screw him! I could make twice the pizza he could.
Goomba: Well, all right fine can you make one with cheese?
Mario: What?
Goomba: Cheese, man, cheese!
Mario: Oh that is just sad. ALL PIZZAS HAVE CHEESE, DUMB ASS!
Goomba: Excuse me?
Mario: I don't need this!
Mario slammed the phone down and crossed his arms. He picked up the phone again
Mario: And another thing...
Luigi suddenly came in
Luigi: Mario, he's gone.
Mario: He had better be!
Luigi: We're gonna go see that new movie that just came out. The one where...
The phone suddenly rang again
Mario: Hold on. Hello?
President of Frackron: Mario Bros, we are at war! We need your help immensely quick! Come to the Elite Koopa Base as soon as you can!
Mario: We're at war? Why does nobody ever tell me these things?
Luigi: We've been at war for two months bro. And I did tell you!
Mario: Oh yeah! Sure Mr. Pres!!! We will help you out!
President: Please don't call me that.
Mario: Yes ma'am! Uh, sir!
Mario hung up the phone
Mario: To the Elite Koopa Base!
Meanwhile at the Elite Koopa Base
Koopa General: Okay troops. We fly into Darth Bowser's castle tonight, and try to take him hostage! Remember, he needs to go on trial at all costs for intense questioning.. And we should try to get them magazines if you know what I mean.
The Elite Koopa base was far out in the middle of no where. It was blue and very big with a picture of waffles as it logo on it. Please don't ask why
Koopa General: Now, I just got a call from the Pres!
Koopa Janitor: Why does everyone call him that?
Koopa General: The Mario Bros. and the Starfox team are on their way. We need all the help we can get! I hear that Darth Bowser's castle has very high security!
Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle
Darth Bowser: They are coming! Get the water balloons ready!
Storm Koopa: Um sir... Do you really think that...
Darth Bowser: JUST DO IT!
Meanwhile in the lobby of Darth's Bowser's castle
Marshall: I'm no good. I suck at everything. I can't even fly. Oh wait, I don't have wings. All because of my one eye though, my peripheral vision sucks. And I'm sick of people making fun of me. I never did anything to them!
Koopa Door Man: Hey, instead of complaining, why not just come and use the door.
Marshall: That's it! I will leave.
Marshall got up and ran out the door and out to the great big field
Koopa Door Man: I never get tips...
Marshall: I'm my own man. I don't care if I signed a life long contract to work for Darth Bowser. I'm going to make a difference like my mom said. Actually my math teacher told me that. But where to begin?
Marshall looked back and the castle was further away
Marshall: I just don't know where to go. I guess I follow my heart. My math teacher also told me that.
The small Koopa walked out of the dark land
Mario: So how do we get there again?
Luigi: We go down that one road by the old bar.
Mario: Oh right. So what the heck are we at war for this time?
Luigi: Well I heard that... Wait, I'm not really sure, bro.
Mario: Oh well. Let's just do our part and get it over with.
Luigi: Let's go bro!
Mario: But we are going.
Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle
Kamek: They will be here in one hour my Darth!
Darth Bowser: Very good. Get the troops on the front lines and get the Koopa Klown Kars ready!
Suddenly the mail man came running in
Mail Man: My Darth! A package for you! And these two letters.
Darth Bowser: Thanks mail dude!
The mail man stood there silently
Darth Bowser: What are you waiting for? A tip?
Mail Man: Well uh, actually, yes!
Darth Bowser: Brush twice a day.
Mail Man: What?
Darth Bowser: Beat it!
Mail Man: Yes, my Darth.
Darth Bowser: Lousy humans.
Darth Bowser put the rather heavy package down next to his throne
Darth Bowser: Now lets check out these letters first.
He opened the letter from his girlfriend first
Martha: I am breaking up with you! I hate you and your selfish attitude you bastard! I HOPE YOU DIE!
Darth Bowser: WHAT?! Well same to you Koopa-woman!
Darth Bowser took a pen from his throne and wrote on another piece of paper
YEAH, WELL I HOPE YOU DIE TO BITCH!
AND DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT
YOU SUCK AT ORAL ANYWAYS?
AND YOU ARE A FAT
STINKY PIECE OF LARD BARF,
AND DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL!
Darth Bowser: I'm glad I got that out!
He then opened the letter from his mom
Darth Bowser's Mom: Hi honey it's me! I hope that all of your battles go well. I send you my best wishes and I hope for the best future for you. XOXO from your mommy! PS Pussy died last night
Darth Bowser: Aw how sweet. They do care about me! PUSSY DIED?!? I am gonna miss that cat.
Darth Bowser wrote on a separate piece of paper
Aw I love you to! Good luck at home.
And I really am going to miss that cute little Pussy.
Oh well. Take care and XOXO to you!
He hurried up to prepare for the invasion that was coming. He also got the address's mixed up on the envelopes
Darth Bowser: Hey some random Koopa come mail these for me!
Storm Koopa: Yes, my Darth!
Kamek: Do you think we are really going to prevail tonight, my Darth? I hear this time they have a better plan to overthrow you. I know we beat them last time, but...
Darth Bowser: Stop believing the crap you hear! We've never lost Kamek! And we never won't will!
Kamek: You just made a double negative. So does that mean that we aren't going to win.
Darth Bowser: Shut up and go ready the troops!
Kamek: Yes, my Darth.
Meanwhile at the Goomba Bar
Mario: Let's get a drink real quick, Luigi!
Luigi: Oh no. You know what happened last time, bro...
Mario: Well it won't happen this time!
Three Ambulances later
Luigi: You just had to go for the gallon of moonshine contest didn't you?
Mario: But it was free. And I won!
Luigi: Yeah, and you also over intoxicated yourself bro. And now we are gonna be late.
Mario: You mean late to our death? Yo yeah, and the ass hat is... MOCK!
Mario fell asleep
Luigi: Oh boy...
Meanwhile in the middle of a cloudy desert like nowhere
Marshall: Now that I think about it, where do I go from here? Maybe I should go get a job! I will work at the Koopa Elite Force Base! I don't know where it is, but maybe someone can help me!
Marshall kept walking straight
Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle
Ludwig: We were searching in the Restricted Library, dad!!!!
Kamek: You bad kids! You're not old enough to...
Ludwig: Shut up, Kamek. No one likes you!
Kamek: Yeah whatever ya stupid brat...
Darth Bowser: What were you saying, son?
Ludwig: Iggy and I found out about The Weapon of Time.
Iggy: Here's the book, Darth dad!
Iggy gave the book to Darth Bowser
Darth Bowser read through the many pages
Darth Bowser: So, I am supposed to go to space, go to the Planet Uranus and grab... a gun.
Iggy: Yeah. Pretty much.
Darth Bowser: Not a bad idea! But where ever might this planet be? I've never heard of it!
Kamek: And besides, we have a war coming here!
Darth Bowser: Now Kamek. I'm aware of that. But with this new tool, I could be the ultimate ruler, according to the book!
Ludwig: Keep reading.
Darth Bowser read a little bit more
Darth Bowser: OK with me... kind of. I am not so sure if traveling halfway through the Solar System just to defeat Mario is a good idea, however.
Kamek: That's absurd, my Darth! We could just kill him ourselves!
Ludwig: Kamek, you're just jealous that I discovered this before you did!
Kamek: Listen, punk, I knew about the Weapon of Time before you were born!
Ludwig: Did you ride dinosaurs as well?
Kamek: Why you impudent little...!
Darth Bowser: THAT'S IT I HAVE HAD IT! WHY ARE MY WAFFLES NOT DONE YET?!
Koopa Chef: Sorry, my Darth! Here you go!
Darth Bowser: Excellent! Now what were we talking about here?
Iggy: We were talking about the Weapon of Time, dad!
Ludwig: It's worth it! It can beat anyone else who tries to stop you to! You couldn't just rule the Mushroom Kingdom... you could rule Frackron!
Darth Bowser: I like this. I do! But we do have a war at hand here!
Ludwig: We'll just finish tonights battle, and then we can go for it dad!
Darth Bowser: Luckily, ships in the Mushroom Kingdom don't suck like the rest of the planets' ships, so we can travel to Uranus in no time! Wherever it may be.
Ludwig: Can I come?
Darth Bowser: No! You're in charge while I am gone!
Ludwig: Why me?
Darth Bowser: You're my first son.
Ludwig: What about Jr?
Darth Bowser: Youngest.
Ludwig: YIPPE! HOME ALONE!
Darth Bowser: Wait. I just remembered, you're not the oldest. That other guy was. I guess you're coming.
Ludwig: What?
Through all of the excitement, a thud was heard on the roof of the castle
Darth Bowser: So it begins. You two boys go somewhere safe!
Kamek: The troops are ready, my Darth. I put the hammer brothers in the back line like you requested!
Darth Bowser: Oh crap...
Kamek: What is it my Darth?
Darth Bowser: I meant to say the front line.
Right outside the castle
Koopa General: Here they are!
The Elite Koopa's were dropping Atari's down on the castle and the troops
Koopa General: Shields!
The Atari's slammed down onto the shields knocking a few down
Koopa General: Fire the water balloons!
Storm Koopa: You want us to set them on fire?
Koopa General: WHAT?! No you, dumb ass! Shoot them!
Storm Koopa1: Your the boss! You heard him boys!
All of the Hammer Bros. Threw their hammers at the water balloons
Koopa General: What are you doing?!
Storm Koopa: We shot the balloons like you asked, sir!
Koopa General: YOU IDIOTS! YOU GUYS ARE AS DUMB AS TURTLES!!!
Storm Koopa 2: Ha-ha we are turtles!
Yoshi: Uh... yeah turtles... right.
The Yoshi slowly backed away. An then an Atari hit the General in the head killing him
Storm Koopa2: Get me outta here!
Meanwhile inside the castle
Darth Bowser: Don't worry, Kamek. I stayed up all night planning for this war. We can't loose. Especially with our bad ass army!
The door slammed open and all of the Koopas came running in
Storm Koopa1: We can't win!
Storm Koopa3: They called me fat. That hurt my feelings.
Darth Bowser made a plain face as the front door shut after all of his troops piled in
Kamek: Now what?
Darth Bowser: Okay we're out of here! We'll sneak out the back way.
Ludwig: There is no back way!
Darth Bowser: Darn it, I hate this castle. Okay, Kamek, get Kammy and Kammo! You're coming!
Kamek: Those two hags?
Kammy: I'm right behind you, stupid. And Kammo is dead, remember?
Kamek: Damn.
Darth Bowser: Let's get out of here!
Darth Bowser, Kamek, Kammy, Ludwig and Iggy ran to the front door and ran outside
Iggy: Now what?
Air Koopa: There he is! GET HIM!!!!
Darth Bowser: To the underground cave!
The five ran as fast as they could just as Fox, Falco and Slippy shot lasers at them
Fox: Almost hit him!
They barley made it to the hole in the ground and jumped in. Except for Iggy who just stood there
Iggy: Duh, where'd ya go guys?
Iggy was hit with a laser and was blown into space
Darth Bowser: Quick, set the warp thing to the MK!
Ludwig: I forgot how you work this machine!
Kamek: Like this noob!
Kamek pushed a few buttons and they warped to the Mushroom Kingdom. The Elite Koopa's raided the castle
Darth Bowser: We're here! To the ship port dock bay like thing!!!
Meanwhile at the hospital. Mario lied in his bed
Mario: Brother, come closer. I'm dieing!
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Closer
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Closer.
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Closer.
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Closer.
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Closer.
Luigi got a bit closer to Mario
Mario: Okay that's good.
Luigi: Oh Mario! Say it ain't so! Just say it ain't so!!!
Mario: Put me out of my pain brother.
Luigi: No, Mario! I could never kill you!
A tear came to Luigi's eyes
Mario: Then how about a foot rub?
Luigi: Okay, I'd rather kill you.
Mario: HOLD UP!
Mario jumped out of his bed and landed on the floor
Mario: I'm better! Let's blow this joint.
Mario and Luigi left the hospital
Mario: So now what.
Luigi: Well, we were wanted last night, but I'm guessing they don't need us anymore.
Mario: Oh, that's right. Well, we do tend to be lazy sometimes.
Luigi: More like all the time...
Mario: Let's go anyways. They always have free donuts in the lobby!
Luigi: You the man bro!
When the two got outside, a gang of Lakitu's surrounded them
Lakitu Leader: Listen you twos, yous better gives us wut we need dog.
Lakitu Co Leader: Yeah ya hags!
Luigi: Well what do you guys need?
Lakitu Leader: We needs directions to da hospital. I'm pretty sure it's not good for your health to impale your head with a railroad spike.
Mario: It's right here! In front of you! You better get in fast... yo.
Lakitu Leader: Thanks homies!
Mario: Okay, let's go!
Mario and Luigi skipped down the sidewalk and everyone tried not to look
Marshall was now getting near the edge of the city
Marshall: Maybe that human can help me!
Marshall ran up to the fat guy on the bench and saw that he was sleeping
Marshall: Excuse me sir, could you help me out?
The man started to wake up
Fat Man: Go to hell you little mutant!
He got up and walked away as he scratched his butt
Marshall: How rude.
Marshall continued on down the road into the big city
Meanwhile in the Mushroom Kingdom
Darth Bowser: Well, here we are! Now does anyone remember where the space-port is? And also that adult shop?
Ludwig: Wait a sec. Where's Iggy? Oh my God he was left behind! He could be dead!!!
Darth Bowser: NO WAY! Look over there! Forty percent off of bed mattresses!
Darth Bowser ran over to the small bed shop
Kamek: He's hopeless. We didn't even bring supplies. Well, we were kind of in a hurry. But who knows what's become of our poor Troops at the castle.
Meanwhile at the castle
Elite Koopa General: Well check out miss April. She's like the hottest Koopa alive.
Storm Koopa1: Yeah, well Miss Spring has bigger boobs man!
Storm Koopa2: Hey guys! Check out these naked pics I found of the College Koopa's!
Back at the MK
Kamek: And besides! I never wanted to be his bloody Adviser anyways. I wanted to be a dental...
Ludwig: Yeah yeah boohoo to you.
Kammy: All of you stop your wailing. As soon as Darth Bowser comes back, we can get on with our sad little lives.
Darth Bowser: Stupid hidden fees. Come on let's go you guys.
The five, uh four made their was for the docking bay
Marshall: I'M LOST!
Mario and Luigi happened to come across Marshall at the edge of town. They stopped skipping and looked at him
Mario: Hey little Koopa, are you sad?
Luigi: No, Mario, that's puss coming from his eye.
Mario: Don't be a smart ass.
Marshall: Actually, it is. Wait a minute, you guys don't thing I'm ugly because I have one eye?
Luigi: Kid in a place were mushrooms make you grow, turtles talk and fly, and where the Birdos are all transsexuals, it can't get any uglier.
Marshall: You mean that?
Mario: Of course not! You're friggen ugly!
Mario and Luigi started laughing
Marshall: WHAT?!
Luigi: HAHA!!! We're just fooling with you.
Mario: We were?
Luigi: So kid, where do you live?
Marshall: Well I'm not really from anywhere...
The three walked down the road to the Elite Koopa Base as they got into a conversation
