A/N: This is a fanfiction I had long ago and scrapped, but now I'm posting it again. I hope you enjoy! Read and review pleeease!

Take me away to January

I'm done with this year

I'm tired of everyone here

I just need some time alone

Before I'm ready to come back home

There's gotta be something else out there for me

-Chase Coy, Take Me Away.

Bella POV

I don't even know where to start.

I don't even know how my life got up to this point, actually.

Well, here it goes:

My name is Bella Swan. I am seventeen years old. And I have no one.

You see, my life started going downhill in middle school.

I had a best friend. Whom I loved very much. I even had a bit of a crush on him. And a huge emotional attachment.

His name was Edward Cullen. We met in fourth grade when I moved here from Phoenix, where me and my parents, Charlie and Renee, lived. Charlie came here to be closer to all of his high school friend, Harry Clearwater. Everything had been going great. Our neighbors were the Cullens, and that's how I met Edward. He and his brother Emmett had been very nice to me, and I became close with the both of them. But Emmett was a year older, so me and Edward were prone to get along better, especially with being in the same class. I was also very close to Carlisle and Esme Cullen. It was almost amazing how much they became immediate family to me, along with Charlie and Renee being pretty close to them too.

Then, Edward and I had gone through some pretty messed up stuff. But that only made us closer…for a minute.

When we were in sixth grade, Esme Cullen died. It was devastating. She was a second mother to me. Actually, Renee has always been more of the best friend mother type, and Esme was more nurturing. Edward and I would always sneak into each others room. There was a tree between our windows and usually he would climb up it. I'd never really snuck to his room, it was mostly just him in mine, due to how clueless Charlie and Renee were.

The night that Esme died I had just gotten out of the shower and made my way into my room. I had no idea that she'd gotten into a car accident or anything, because it had just happened an hour prior. And the news hadn't even gotten to the rest of the Cullen's until a half an hour after the accident.

I walked into my room, and there was my best friend, Edward Cullen. He never looked sad when in my room. He usually brought a bunch of candy and had it spread across my bed before I entered. He knew exactly when I took a shower, and liked to sneak in before I got out, because he liked to look the surprised look on my face at the monument of candy he'd set up on my bed. But our relationship was never intimate or anything, we just needed each other to fall asleep. And it was always pleasant; sometimes we'd just eat candy all night while talking and laughing, or sometimes we'd play video games. One night, in the summer before going into sixth grade, we'd decided to experiment by having our first kiss together. It was harmless enough, and we were still in the awkward "Girls/boys-go-to-Jupiter-to-get-more-stupider" mode. I'd always found that statement funny, because while trying to sound smart, and the other is stupid, we end up saying something stupid, clearly not proving the point, by saying bad grammar such as "more stupider". Ugh. Anyways…

I walked into my room and there was a miserable, horrible looking 12-year-old Edward. It broke my heart to see him so…wretched and broken. I didn't even ask what was wrong, I just held him in my frail arms, when I heard him mutter an "Esme", I just knew. I knew she was gone. And so I cried along with Edward, feeling every ounce of pain that he had.

That's when I realized that I was in love with him, as much as an 11-year-old girl could be. I never wanted Edward Cullen out of my life. He was the purpose to my existence. We would be best friends forever, and someday, I would marry him. That's just the way things are, and the way things would be.

But I was wrong.

In eighth grade, he made friends with the great "Jasper Hale" and "Tyler Crowley". They were the most popular guys in the school, and I absolutely despised them. And Edward knew that. That's what angered me the most.

Most days he would ditch me for them, and it made me feel like total crap. He'd found something better. I mean, why couldn't he have his "guy friends" but still have me? And Tyler Crowley was the worst possible person he could be friends with, ever.

You see, in seventh grade, despite my being in love with Edward, I had developed a terrible crush on Tyler. It actually made me stop constantly thinking of Edward all of the time. I actually saw that Edward was jealous of Tyler, which I enjoyed. I knew that it wasn't because he wanted me to have a crush on him, to his knowledge I did not although I really did. It was because he felt that he was the only guy for me. Besides Emmett, I never became close with any member of the opposite sex except Edward. And Emmett hardly counted, because our relationship was effortless. We didn't have to constantly talk to stay close. Not that I minded that Edward and I constantly talked. It was just something we needed to function.

That's why I don't understand what happened. There was never a day that you could separate me and Edward. But then like that, he just disappeared out of my life, as if those last 4 years didn't happen. Now if that's not a blow to a girl's self esteem then I don't know what is.

I really had no other friends. I occasionally would talk to Angela Weber here and there, but after Edward cut off all ties with me I distanced myself from everyone. Mostly because I didn't want to get close to anyone else. Not if I would get hurt again like that again. So, I alienated myself. I'd barely had any human contact ever since.

Oh, and in seventh grade…yeah, that was definitely a turning point in my life. During the summer of my seventh grade year, a man named Phil Dwyer came to town. He seemed like a nice enough, pretty handsome too. He was big for the town of Forks, because he was a ball player. But not very well known. Well, yeah, I thought he was nice…until he completely ripped my mother away from me and Charlie.

Yep, she left us. In the middle of the night, just packed her stuff and left. I was devastated, but no one was as Charlie. He couldn't understand what went wrong. Poor man. Even I could tell how unhappy Renee was. It was just that Charlie, being the police chief, and spending every free minute fishing with Harry Clearwater, really never paid much attention to her. And Renee has always been one to require a lot of attention.

That still gives her no right for what she did. Especially because she left me, her own child, mind you only still 11 years old. It broke my heart, and I had Edward there to assure me that no one in their right mind would ever leave me. I was perfect. And I had absolutely no fucking reason to doubt myself.

Yeah, words straight outta his mouth. We see how long that lasted.

Charlie had Harry to help him pick up the pieces. It was pretty hard on Charlie, but Harry helped him in a big way, just like Edward did me.

Eighth fucking grade Edward left me just like Renee did, without a care. I felt like I didn't matter. I'd cried myself to sleep a lot, and Charlie would come in and hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I knew he was hurting just as much, but no, not as much as me, because two people didn't leave him in the matter of four months.

Well, was I wrong. He would soon understand. Well, technically, Harry didn't leave him with a choice. He'd died of a heart attack my sophomore year. Charlie lost all sanity. He'd become so depressed, he wouldn't even speak to anyone. It truly broke my heart. And he gave in. He gave in to alcoholism. And hasn't stop drinking ever since.

I even remember the first time Charlie hit me. He's not really violent with me often, only every once in a while when he's had too much to drink. I didn't hold it against him, because I know that this was his way of dealing with his grief, just like crying was when Edward stopped being my friend. And Charlie was there for me then, not judging, not prying, just simply being there, and making sure I was okay.

So, you can see my situation. I just wish Charlie would get better. There's really nothing I can do besides put up with it and be there. I loved him so much. Not so much who he is now, who he used to be. But never, no matter how much he drank, or how much he hit me, or refused to speak to anyone, would despise him. Never as much as Renee. I would and could never forgive her for doing this to us. It was all her fault. And trust me, I'm never one to put the blame on anyone, and I don't even blame Edward for my misery. I blame two people: Renee and myself.

But this brings me to now. Junior year, first day back at this hellhole called a school. Its pouring down rain and I am crying hysterically in my car. I arrived early. I usually did this. Because I had to escape from home. Constant reminders of who I used to be, pictures of me and old Renee, old Edward and old Charlie. All kinds of pictures. Even pictures of Esme.

It was all gone. Everything I'd ever cared about. And I hated my life. I didn't care about anything.

So I am crying in my old beat up truck. I had this feeling in my stomach. Something was telling me that soon, all this would get better. And I figured it would be the fact that I'd be graduating in the matter of just two more years. It's really not much compared to eight years here. Not when you know things can change so quickly.

I don't know how long he was there, but he was. Edward. He was standing in front of my truck frozen. He could tell I was crying and I could tell that he didn't really know what to do. Years ago, he would have demanded I open the door and take me into his arms until the sobbing ended. But now, he was changed. I don't even know why he was here. And it was kind of hard to see him well. The rain was streaming everywhere against the window, so nothing could really be positive. But judging by the look on his face, he knew what I was doing, he knew I'd been crying. Then, in a swift pat on the back, Jasper took him away from me, once again. Edward started reluctantly walking away, turning back, giving miserable glances in my direction. But nothing to make him come see if I was okay, or anything. I wasn't that important. Before I could even see anymore, I shoved the keys into the ignition and drove away. I drove and drove. I don't even care where I ended up at the moment. Hopefully it was better than the constant miserable fucking reminder of my old life and what has now become of it.

xoxo, B.