Author's note - This was a fill for a prompt on the Mass Effect Kink Meme community. The following anonymous user requested for this idea to be written out:
FemShep is watched while undressing or doing "something", and totally knows she is. So she plays it up to tease whoever is watching. Make it dark, make it an established relationship, make it unintentional, whatever.
She wanted it to be done with the Halestorm song, "I Get Off", in mind. By the way, that is a totally awesome song from a totally awesome band, and you should go watch the music video on YouTube if you haven't yet done so. I also named this fan fic after another Halestorm song. It doesn't have much to do with the lyrics, though (which talk about phone sex, but still…it's about sex anyway, so ya). I just wanted to name this fic after a Halestorm song LOL that's all.
Warning: Has mentions of masturbation, voyeurism, oral sex, and food play.
Disclaimer: MASS EFFECT and all characters are properties of Bioware. I do not own anything besides this fan fiction, and do not make any money off of it.
"Commander, you've received a new message at your private terminal," the yeoman noted.
"Thanks, Kelly. I'll go check it in my cabin," Shepard said.
The Commander marched towards the lift and stepped in. She took a minute to wipe the sweat off her forehead; it was a hectic day for her, running around doing errands on every deck of the ship. She also recently came back from Kasumi's little heist and barely made it out alive with just the thief in her party. The MECHS were a bitch to her, and so was that damn gunship that belonged to that rich scumbag, Donovan Hock. She hated how it took her several tries to strip that wretched thing of its armour, and she was thankful to have a tech specialist like Kasumi be able to destroy it all.
She also discovered how annoying it was to walk around while wearing a dress and heels, let alone do combat in them. While the Commander was usually one to revel in such luxuries—having grown up under the wing of two high-ranking military parents—she always hated how impractical it was to prance around in them, given her line of work. She only bothered with such annoyances when she needed to, such as having to wear her mess dress to military balls, regimental dinners, and whatnot.
The lift emitted a ping sound, signaling Shepard that she had arrived at her destination. Her onyx heels made clanking noises as she strutted her way towards her quarters. The sound of club music emitted from her music player as she entered, its beats filling her ears and reverberating through every fibre of her being. Shepard smiled; she always liked the type of music that played in the Afterlife club and constantly had it on repeat.
Walking over to her private terminal, she turned it on and checked the message that Kelly told her about:
From: Illusive Man
Shepard,
I see you have returned from your heist with Miss Goto. I was anticipating that would end well; for the most part, it did. However, I was not very pleased with your decision to destroy the greybox. That object had valuable intelligence stored in it that we could have used to our advantage. Regardless, I trust your choice in destroying it for reasons that it might fall into the wrong hands. Overall, the mission was still a success, and I am content with the outcome. With Kasumi's concerns now put to rest, she can remain loyal to our mission in stopping the Collectors.
Also, I expect you had some fun in attending a society party and being dressed to the nines for it. You might assume that Miss Goto must have shoplifted the get-up you're wearing right now—if that is the case, then you assumed wrong. I know my clients well, Shepard. Technically, you could say that Kasumi did steal them, since it is in her nature to prefer the five-finger discount than to pay up front. Regardless, it was a favor I gave her; I specifically had her deliver that dress, necklace, and heels to you—all as a token of appreciation from me.
If you have not yet checked out the label—the dress is from Giuli Vorn, a highly trusted designer in the bespoke world whom also tailored the business suit you've seen me usually wear. The necklace that currently adorns your neck was made by luxury jewelry's most renowned leader, Kateřina Reichová herself. Lastly, those heels that grace your exquisite feet were handcrafted straight out the Chau Har Lee fashion house.
You might be wondering as to how I was able to obtain such sumptuous items without having you physically present to take your measurements. I have my means, Shepard, and that is all you need to know.
I hope you take pleasure in these gifts.
Shepard shut her terminal off as a wry smile appeared on her lips; there was something quite flattering yet highly odd about the Illusive Man's letter. Usually it was like him to always send her a message of congratulations after every mission, but this one seemed a little more personal than the last one. Shepard narrowed her eyes and frowned as realisation dawned upon her.
"Wait a minute—did he just flirt with me?" she blurted. She slammed her fists down quite hard on the table; she wasn't very pleased with what she just read.
Suddenly, a racket was heard coming from the inside of Shepard's display case. She could make out a silhouette of something shaking and was suspicious of where its movements were coming from. As she opened the display case, a tiny spherical object fell and rolled towards the edge of her desk. She caught it just in time and cradled the strange item in her palms.
Examining the piece, Shepard froze once she recognised what it was: it was a surveillance bug, clearly of Cerberus brand. It was definitely one of those pesky things that Mordin found in his lab (and also nonchalantly gave the expensive one back to Miranda) and had warned her about.
Now more irritated than ever, the Commander activated her intercom and paged the Cerberus Officer.
"Yes, Commander?" queried Miranda's tinny voice.
"Miranda, have you been spying on me?" interrogated Shepard.
There was a pause in Miranda's speech. Then, she answered, "No, Commander. Why do you ask?"
"Because I found a surveillance bug in my cabin," Shepard spat.
Miranda paused again before answering. "Shepard, I didn't plant a surveillance bug in your quarters."
"Then explain to me why Mordin found some in his lab and gave the expensive one back to you!"
Sighing, Miranda responded, "Alright—I take your point. The Illusive Man didn't like my idea of implanting a control chip in you, so we compromised. Before we gave the Normandy back to you, we outfitted it with several hidden cameras so that—Cerberus—can…keep an eye on you."
Shepard's eyebrows twitched at the intonation of Miranda's last line; she felt that the Cerberus Officer was definitely hiding something. "Miranda," she drawled. "Do you know if there is any way I can catch what the Illusive Man is doing right now?"
The more Shepard pressed for answers, the more Miranda hesitated. This pause was definitely longer than the last, and it did nothing but to further aggravate the Commander. "Shepard," Miranda finally spoke. "Communication with Cerberus head offices is a one-way street, where the Illusive Man is allowed to have oversight on us but not vise-versa. The only way to get a hold of him is to wait for him to grant you a request to speak with you in the Normandy comm room."
Shepard let out an exasperated breath and palmed her forehead. "Can't I just demand to speak with him on my own terms?"
"Well, you could try that. But you will get an unanswered call most of the time."
"Why is that so?"
"Shepard, the Illusive Man doesn't spend all of his time inside the room you're thinking about."
"Then what does he do?"
"He has other duties to attend to like the rest of us do. However, he is present inside the inner sanctum when he needs to be."
Shepard placed her hands down on her desk, her mind lost in thought. "Do you think…he will be there…after dinner?"
Feeling uneasy all of a sudden at what Shepard was hinting at, Miranda croaked a noise of discomfort. "Commander, I don't get what you're trying to do here, but I can assure you that—judging by the intel we were able to gather after our infiltration of the Shadow Broker base—I was able to take a look at the Illusive Man's files and track his routine down."
"Oh?" Shepard uttered, suddenly intrigued at this new information. "Patch it through my private terminal—I want to see this info for myself."
"Very well, Commander", Miranda said as she sent Shepard the files. "There, you should have the message in your terminal right now. Have fun scrutinising it. Just remember though…if what you're planning is revenge, tell the Illusive Man that I have absolutely nothing to do with it—this is all of your own accord."
"Miranda, don't forget that you helped the Illusive Man plant all these damn bugs around my ship!"
"Shepard, I was told to do so. I purchased those cameras out of the Illusive Man's request, and had the crew install them all over the place. If you have problems with these, please take it to the Illusive Man and leave me out of it."
Sighing, Shepard shook her head. "Alright Miranda, thanks."
She shut her intercom off and turned her private terminal back on. She saw two new messages appear in her inbox and skimmed through the first one. Her eyebrows furrowed as she recognised the contents of the message: it was a dossier of the Illusive Man's sexual liaisons, of which Shepard had already read when she was at the Shadow Broker base. She wondered why Miranda would send her this message, unless it was by accident. She closed the e-mail and moved on to the next one. She opened it, and its contents revealed the following information:
1500 – Afternoon tryst with Lexi Luxx (exotic dancer from Afterlife VIP club)
1630 – Attend to trivial business matters
1830 – Take a drag or two
1900 – Dinner time
2030 – Resume duties in the inner sanctum
Shepard looked at the clock beside her private terminal: it was ten minutes to eight-thirty, which meant that the Illusive Man was almost done with eating dinner.
Just then, another new message appeared in Shepard's inbox, and she clicked to reveal its contents:
From: Miranda
Shepard,
I think I know what you're exactly up to, hence my delivery of the Illusive Man's private records to you. I am going to send you one more file that may aid you in your…quest. Attached to this e-mail are some photographs of the Illusive Man that I was able to obtain from the Shadow Broker files; they are nothing explicit. However, I still suggest that you take a look at them along with the private records. I am sure you will find them very useful…good luck with your endeavors…
Shepard opened one of the attachments. Upon seeing the image, she was taken aback: it was a portrait of the Illusive Man alright, but not how he looked like right now. Instead, the photo showed him off, all young and glorified. His face had less wrinkles and looked more boyish, and his hair was a silky chestnut brown. His eyes, however, were the most striking feature—they were a brilliant shade of peridot. They were nothing at all like the cybernetic eyes he had now, and Shepard was awed as to how human they made the Illusive Man look. She also thought that he didn't look bad at all…not at all…
She took a look at the other pictures attached to the e-mail. They all showed the young Illusive Man, each in a different setting and each having him doing something different. One of them exposed him running away from a turian, and the other showed him nearly pulling the trigger on one.
Shepard's lips formed a lascivious smile; she originally was going to yell her brains out at the Illusive Man for spying on her. But she thought that was a silly idea since that was all she could do, anyway. There was obviously no way she could be physically present right now inside the Illusive Man's inner sanctum and just strangle him there. Instead, she decided it was better to just tease the hell out of that magnificent bastard based on all the hints that he and Miranda had been throwing at her.
She glanced back at her clock: it was seven minutes 'til eight-thirty, meaning she had only that much time left to prepare for her little stunt. She quickly placed the surveillance bug back in its original position in her display case and strode over towards her bed. She was about to settle down until an unexpected idea hit her like a ton of bricks. Heart racing, she walked in haste towards the elevator and hopped in. It took her to the crew deck and she stepped out in a hurry. She made her way towards the mess-hall where she could see Mess Sergeant Gardner wash some dishes.
Let's see…cucumber or banana…cucumber or banana, Shepard pondered. Hmm, I should probably go with the banana—less suspicious that way.
"Anything I can help you with, Commander?" the mess sergeant asked as Shepard approached him.
"Yeah, just want a banana to snack on," Shepard answered.
"Alrighty then," chirped Gardner; he halted his dish washing for a moment and grabbed a banana out of the bag of fruits on the kitchen island. "Here you go."
Shepard took the banana out of Gardner's hand and examined it. "Uhh, do you have anything firmer than this?"
"Yes, ma'am," replied Gardner; he scratched the back of his head in confusion. "Why?"
"Because…" Shepard drawled, unsure of how to answer his question. "I—like eating my bananas firm. Aaand—I like for them—to be—slightly tart in taste as well." She gave Gardner the best grin that she could muster.
Gardner just cocked his eye brow at her.
"Hey, it's an acquired taste," Shepard declared.
Gardner shrugged his shoulders. "Fair enough. Here—" he seized the banana out of Shepard's hand and handed her a more unripe one. "This one's a little bit more on the green side, but I'm pretty sure it's what you're looking for."
"Thanks, it's just what I need," Shepard said. "Alright, I should go."
"Anytime, Commander," Gardner mentioned. He resumed washing the dishes as Shepard marched towards the elevator.
The Commander stepped into the lift and exhaled a breath of relief; for a moment there, she thought that the mess sergeant would catch on to what she was really up to. She stared at the banana in her hand as she waited to be transported to her destination. She licked her lips and smirked; this was going to be a very fun night for her.
End notes: Yeah yeah, I know it's taking a while to get to the smut, but I always need some setting and action-building going on before I have characters do the nasty. So no worries, Joker and TIM will appear later on…lolol. I just hoped that what I set up so far was believable enough.
Also, I based young Illusive Man's appearance on, well...his canon young appearance in Mass Effect: Evolution. If you haven't read them yet, I highly suggest that you do. You get to find out more about TIM and his real name; plus, the art is just gorgeous.
