Takes place during New Moon, Alice did come back but Edward doesn't know about the cliff diving thing. ENJOY!! I OWN NOTHING
CH1BPOV
As I stood in the kitchen with Jacob leaning in to me my mind was reeling. I haven't made up my mind yet! I was broken, damaged. My heart had a whole in it, a hole that might never be able to be filled. What if I couldn't love Jacob the way he needed to be loved? The way he deserved to be loved? What if I wasn't enough for him? Yes he was my personal sunshine, my safe haven, but would that be enough to save me? Would that heal my heart? The questions remained unanswered in my head.
"Bella" he whispered, he was so close I could feel his warm breath going over my trembling lips. Then I couldn't think any more, I tilted my head and that seemed to be all the permission he needed. In an instant I felt his lips on mine. They were so warm and soft; kissing Jacob was like nothing I would of ever expected.
It was a short chaste kiss, part of me was relieved but another part thought it was too short. And in that instant of a kiss, another door in my life opened. I had another option on how to live, who to live it with, to be happy. I wouldn't have to give up on everything. Except…
"Bella?" I was drug out of my thoughts by Jake's voice. I looked up at him in the eyes to see him staring at me so intensely, with such hope and love. How could I not love him? How could he not be enough? But…what if I'm not enough? What if he realizes he can do so much better then me? I was damaged goods.
I pushed those things out of my head. Jacob would never hurt me, he promised. Jake put one hand on my cheek and smiled at me, my smile. Even though it was my smile there was a hint of worry in his eyes now. He was wondering how or probably even when I was going to react. I have yet to say anything after he kissed me; I didn't know what to say. I just put my hand over his and looked at him, smiling slightly. "Jake" I had no clue what to say what, to think my mind was all jumbled and my brain felt like mush. Time passed and still I said nothing.
"I'm…I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Was all he said as he took his hand away from my cheek, making it feel instantly cooler, and backing up away from me. His hands started shaking and he looked so pained. "The lee…I mean you friend is back" that's all he said before he flew out of the kitchen and I heard the front door slam.
What the hell! I was so confused! Why was he apologizing? I already knew how he feels about me. Or did I? Why did he leave? Did I turn him down and not even know it? Did I not make up my mind fast enough? Did he get tired of waiting for me? Did I…did I just lose Jacob!?!? The thought made tears slip down my face. NO, he promised!
I sunk to the floor thinking the worst, the whole in my chest throbbing. But it wasn't the same whole, the whole that he made, it was a new whole and it was burning.
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