This is my first fanfic ever so please be kind! Constructive criticism would be amazing. Any ideas you have for stories and any suggestions for my current story are always greatly appreciated. :) Hope you enjoy and I look forward to continuing this fic as well as Finchel's story.
My stories will always be dedicated to Cory Monteith and the beautiful impression he left behind on everyone he crossed paths with.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything related to Glee.
Finn Hudson sighed as he wiped his hands on the greasy old towel his stepfather Burt kept lying around the autoshop. He was currently working the tail end of a very long shift. All he wanted to do was go home and lay in bed for days.
He tried not to let it show, but he was so disappointed with everything that had happened in just a few short months, with the direction his life seemed to be going.
This was his first year out of high school, he should living life as a careless college student. Or making his mom proud by avenging his dad in the army.
But then he had to go and shoot himself in the foot, literally. Thus ruining any chances he had of not looking like a complete and utter failure. He had a feeling Mr. Shue only let him direct Grease out of pity. Everything that had happened to him recently had been out of pity.
His job at the autoshop, his help with the Glee club. All of it was just given to him because everyone felt bad for him.
Not that he wasn't proud of the students and all the work they had done on Grease, because he was extremely proud. Especially of his two leads Ryder and Marley. He was very proud of the way they'd stepped up and taken on the roles so seriously.
But that was all them, he just stood there and supervised, they probably could have done a perfectly fine job without him there. Artie was the real director, not him.
He sighed, rubbing his hands a little firmer, taking his anger out on the cloth and his greased up hands.
He still hadn't found his true calling. Even Blaine, Tina, and Artie all knew what they wanted to do with their lives and that had only just started their senior year of high school.
He tried acting and failed at that, tried the army and ended up being discharged for shooting himself. And then he went out to New York, hoping he could find some comfort in his ex-fiancées (but woman he was still fully in love with) arms only to find out she had moved on with some guy named Brody Weston.
What kind of douchy name was Brody anyways?
And that was when he'd hit rock bottom. He was replaced by a donkey faced douchebag, and from what Kurt had told him the day before, they were still together. Which infuriated Finn so damn much he felt like he snap a damn redwood tree in half. Or... something.
He loved seeing her when she came back to Lima though. She was different than the Rachel he knew but he had missed her a lot. Regardless of how she dressed or how she acted now.
As heartbroken as he was, he was so happy that she was making her dreams come true. She completely killed the winter showcase and severely impressed the dean and all the other students.
When she called the night of her showcase, he thought she had butt dialed him, but it turned out she just wanted to talk to him. It made him feel great that his voice was the one she wanted to hear. Not stupid Brody's.
It had been a few weeks since then and she'd been thriving at school. He felt a certain sense of pride at the fact that she was already achieving so much. Granted, it wasn't because of him that she was at NYADA, but if he hadn't put her on that train she'd be stuck in Lima.
Another thing about this new Rachel? She seemed even more mature and wise than the Rachel he knew in high school. She convinced him not to give up on the Glee Club using her sheer Rachelness and then they had spent hours on the phone talking.
He was pleased to say they were on their way to being good friends, despite his jealousy at her relationship with Brody.
And ugh, the holidays were just around the corner and it was going to be a very boring holiday all by himself in his old childhood home.
Burt and Carole had bought tickets for a couples cruise about a month prior to Finn returning home. They wanted to spend their first holiday without their kids off in the tropics.
They'd also wanted to sell the tickets and spend Christmas with Finn once they realized he'd be home, feeling horrible about leaving him alone for the holidays. But Finn quickly put a stop to the that. He was forcing them to go. He did not need any more pity in his life.
Finn grumbled, tossing the cloth back onto the tool box and closing it, stacking it next to Burt's toolbox and heading back to the offices to find Burt himself.
He spotted the older man filing through some paperwork. "Hey Finn. You heading home?" He smiled up at him from the papers.
"Yeah. Kurt told me to skype him at exactly 9pm." Finn rolled his eyes, chuckling.
Burt laughed. "Yeah that sounds like Kurt. Tell him I say 'hi'. See you at home buddy." Burt waved his hand, chuckling to himself.
Finn waved and stalked off, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he unzipped his jumpsuit, placing it in the locker Burt had labeled for him.
The ride home was quiet. It always was, Lima was probably the most dead town in Ohio.
Finn scoffed. After all that shit about not wanting to be a Lima loser, that's exactly what he ended up as. It made him want to cry and slam his fists into the steering wheel. But he restrained himself, knowing that if he started crying, he'd have a very hard time stopping.
All of his friends had gotten out of Ohio. Rachel and Kurt were in New York, Quinn was at Yale, Mike got accepted into Joffrey Ballet school, Mercedes and Puck were both in California somewhere, making their own dreams come true. Even Santana had gone to New York, to find what her true dream was.
He was very grateful that his mom was working a shift at the hospital. He was feeling extremely crabby and really did not want to talk to anyone and see that look on their face. The one that said they felt sorry for him. It made his stomach ache in the worst of ways.
After warming up some of his moms chicken casserole and grabbing a bottle of coke, he headed upstairs, trying to prepare himself for the likely lecture he was about to get from his brother.
His hair was messy, his clothes were out of style, he needed to shave. The list went on and on.
Not that he didn't love his brother dearly, because he did. But boy did Kurt love to whine about Finn's style choices.
He kicked his shoes off and shut his door, plopping down in his computer chair and turning on his laptop, seeing that Kurt had already tried calling. As if Kurt was physic and could somehow read his mind all the way in New York, Kurt called again, his face appearing on Finn's computer screen.
As soon as Finn clicked accept, Kurt was on him like flies on shit. "Finn, you're ten minutes late." Kurt grumbled.
"I know I'm sorry, I just got home from the autoshop." Finn rolled his eyes, leaning against the computer table as he took a bite of his casserole and watched Kurt rub moisturizer into his skin. "It's not like it's late anyways, grandpa."
"Haha, you're hilarious Finn." Kurt muttered sarcastically, "You know I have to go through my entire moisturizing routine every Wednesday night. Not to mention Rachel and I have a very early morning tomorrow."
"How is Rachel?" Finn asked a little shyly, still nervous to talk about Rachel. Especially since he knew Brody was living them.
It made his blood fucking boil to know that he shared a bed with Rachel. His Rachel. Probably held her as she slept, placed loving kisses in her hair. Just like he used to.
Stop it Finn. He told himself. He was going to make himself sick with thoughts about what Brody was probably getting from Rachel.
"She's alright. Busy with school and such." Kurt said quickly, obviously not wanting to speak too much about Rachel. He knew why. In his brothers own stupid way he was trying to protect him.
So Kurt probably didn't know they talked a couple times a month.
He didn't know if that made him feel bad or good. Either she didn't want people to know she was talking to him, or she didn't want to share him.
Actually, it was probably because she didn't want fucking Brody to know she was still talking to her ex-fiancée regularly.
He rolled his eyes at the thought. Brody was such a fucking tool. An ignorant tool at that.
"How's Blaine?" Kurt asked quietly, the same shyness in his voice that Finn had only moments ago.
Finn spun back and forth a little in his computer chair as he sipped his coke, knowing Kurt was going through the exact same thing as him.
Both he and his brother had been cheated on by their significant others and while it hurt like hell to think about them, they also still thought about them all the damn time.
It was the unfortunate price they had to pay for loving people that had obviously moved on.
"He's uh, he's alright. He's been a little down lately. But he's getting better. He and Sam have gotten really close. They're calling themselves Blam now." Finn chuckled, rolling his eyes again.
"Seriously?" Kurt chuckled, lightening up a bit. "That's good. I'm glad he's happy."
"Yeah." Finn nodded, ready to change the subject. "So what about you? How's that Vogue internship going? And are you making any progress on getting into NYADA?"
Kurt sighed. "I think I'm done with that actually."
Finn furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, done with what?"
"With the whole 'force Madame Tibeduex and the rest of the board to let me into NYADA'. It's a waste of time and I shouldn't be forcing it. I shouldn't be trying to force a career in music at all." Kurt rubbed some more face junk into his forehead. The dude had to be on his third bottle of a different moisturizer.
"But Kurt, it's your dream. Being a performer has always been your dream." Finn stared at Kurt in disbelief. If Kurt was giving up his dream, how in the hell would Finn be able to even find a dream? Kurt used to be one of the most self-assured people he knew.
Never did Finn ever think he'd see the day when Kurt Hummel gave up on his NYADA dreams.
"What about Broadway, about being a star? That's what you've always wanted Kurt. You shouldn't give that up, you're a star." Finn shook his head. "I know you're really put out by not being accepted into NYADA, trust me I really really understand, but that's just one path Kurt. There are other schools and other ways of getting onto Broadway. NYADA isn't your only option."
"Look Finn, I don't think you do understand. I accept that I'm just not made for performing. I love it, I really do. And I'll take any opportunity I can to keep singing for the rest of my life. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on my wonderful ability to spin a tune." Kurt assured his still stunned brother.
"But Kurt-" Finn pressed, determined to make his brother see that he shouldn't give up. He just couldn't.
Hell, Finn should have a professional degree in giving up with the number of times he'd done exactly that. His brother didn't deserve that kind of self-loathing that came with giving up on something.
"No buts Finn," Kurt interrupted him, "I've been thinking a lot over the past few days and I've spent a lot of time at Vogue talking to Isabelle. Maybe the reason I didn't get into NYADA is because I'm not meant for that life. I'm meant for something else."
"Kurt that's ridiculous-" Finn began again.
"No Finn. This isn't up for discussion. I've found something here that I really love doing. And I'm good at it Finn. Isabelle says I have a real gift. What kind of idiot would I be to pass up an opportunity like this with such a great mentor? I could really go places as a fashion designer." Kurt closed up the cap on his face moisturizer and smiled at Finn.
Finn sighed, feeling like he should argue but then he looked at the smile on Kurt's face. Maybe his brother was right, maybe this was a sign that he was destined to be in fashion.
"As long as you're happy. I just don't want you to give up because you don't think you're good enough or some shit like that. I don't want you settling for less than what you deserve." Finn tried and failed to stifle a small yawn.
"I am happy Finn. I feel needed and appreciated here. I love it." Kurt smiled at his brother. "I'm actually thinking about applying to the fashion institute here in New York. I'm sure I could get Isabelle to put in a good word for me." He added.
Finn felt a smile pull up his lips. "Then I'm really happy for you Kurt. And hey, you did manage to get me weaned off most my plaid shirts, boxers and undershirts." Finn laughed. "And if you can do that, you can doing anything." Finn joked, glad when he saw his brother laugh.
"Now if I only I could get rid of some of those ridiculous sweater vests you've been wearing. Seriously, you're starting to dress like Mr. Shue." Kurt shuddered.
"Hey, Mr. Shue was getting rid of a bunch of his sweaters and I took some off his hands. Shut up." Finn laughed.
"Hey, speaking of Mr. Shue. He's coming back really soon isn't he?" Kurt asked, suddenly a little more serious. Oh god, he had a feeling he knew where this was going.
Finn felt dread pool in his stomach at the thought. Of course he was happy Shue was coming back because had had missed his mentor, but that meant he was going to retake his Glee club and Finn would be back to just working at the damn auto-shop.
"Um yeah. He's coming back in about a month or so." Finn nodded.
Before Kurt could open his mouth to respond, there was a voice from Kurt's end of the Skype and a pair of beautifully tanned, shapely legs came into view.
"Kurt I need the laptop to... Finn." Rachel squeaked as she came into his full view wearing a tiny pair of sleep shorts and a white camisole.
"Hey Rachel." Finn smiled softly at her, waving a little, his food forgotten as he stared at his ex.
God she looked so fucking good. Like, her legs were even more perfect than he remembered. They looked so much softer too...
She gulped, waving back as her eyes glowed with something resembling sadness.
"Did you need Kurt for something?" Finn asked, noticing Kurt had been quiet throughout the whole exchange, merely glancing back and forth at the pair like he was watching a tennis match.
"Oh no. I just needed to borrow the laptop for something. It can wait though." Rachel insisted.
"Nah I gotta get to bed anyways. Glee rehearsal tomorrow. I wanna get the lesson planned out before I get there. I hate standing there looking like an idiot with nothing planned." Finn chuckled.
"Oh. Well goodnight Finn." Rachel smiled, a real genuine smile. Not one laced with sadness or pity but a smile more like the ones she used to give him back when they were hopelessly in love.
She'd told him before that she loved the thought of him teaching their old glee club. That it made her proud of him. And he was more than happy to put a smile like that on her face.
"Goodnight Rach. Have fun in class tomorrow." He smiled back lopsidedly, noting the blush on her face as she smiled again and headed back off the screen.
When his eyes flicked back to Kurt's, he was smirking knowingly at Finn. Finn cleared his throat. "So I guess we can finish this tomorrow? Night man." Finn said, stifling another yawn that threatened to escape.
"Yes I suppose. But Finn, please just heed your own advice okay?" Kurt sighed, taking in Finn's confused expression. "Don't settle for anything less than amazing person you are. You're destined for more Finn. You just have to get your head out of your own ass and realize that you could do great things. Goodnight Finn." Kurt smiled, waving as he clicked the end call button.
One thing about his conversations with Kurt? They always left him with a lot to think about. Kurt had a way of doing that easily. Well, Kurt and Rachel of course.
He remembered countless times during their dating period where she'd talk and talk about something and by the time she was done, Finn had no idea what she'd said because there was too much information. It was like his brain overloaded or something.
He shut his computer down and sighed, thinking about everything Kurt said. He really did need to kick his ass into gear. His life was just passing him by and he was doing nothing about it. Well, he was complaining a hell of a lot but he didn't think that really counted.
Just as he was dosing off in the chair, his food long forgotten on the computer table, his phone buzzed from somewhere over by his jacket. He groaned, reluctantly pushing himself up off the chair and hurrying over to the phone, checking the caller ID.
His heart skipped a beat when he saw Rachel's excruciatingly beautiful face on his screen and her name blinking above that. Wondering why she was calling when he just saw her not even five minutes ago, he picked it up.
"Rach?" He asked confused, taking the phone with him as he walked over to his bed and plopped down.
"Hi Finn. I hope you're not too tired, I just really wanted to talk to you." Rachel sighed.
"Is everything okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yeah everything is fine. I just... I couldn't help but notice how sad you looked tonight. And I sort of overheard you and Kurt talking about what's going to happen when Mr. Shue comes back. You looked not only sad but like, defeated. And it scared me you know? I've never seen you look so checked out before." Rachel explained. He could practically see her biting her lip.
Though it did make his heart go into overdrive at the thought of her worrying so much about him that she couldn't even wait until tomorrow to talk to him.
"Rachel I'm okay. I swear. Just having some trouble deciding what I want to do." Finn laid back, having had this conversation with her several times.
"You're not okay Finn. You seem to be forgetting how well we know each other. I could see the sadness in your eyes, you're not happy." She protested.
"Of course I'm not happy Rach!" Finn raised his voice in frustration, "My life has no fucking direction. I'm mooching off my mom and Burt, I work at my stepdads fucking auto-shop, I lost my shot at being a war hero and avenging my dad, I lost my shot at being an actor, I lost you. I have nothing going for me."
Rachel was silent on the other for a moment and Finn wondered if she was scared because he'd lost his temper so easily. He was just so angry at himself. He'd completely let himself go and achieved nothing in his life so far. Time was ticking and he was spending it at a dead end job that he only got because the owner was his stepdad.
"Finn, you have you. And that's all you need. You don't need me or Kurt or anyone to tell you who you are. You've always been unsure about yourself but now that you're out of high school, you can explore your options, try new things, decide what makes you happy. There are no restrictions on what you can do." Rachel soft, calming voice relaxed him a little.
"I-I don't even know where to start Rachel." Finn sighed.
"Get out of Lima. Heck, even if you just drive down to Columbus or something I'm sure you could find some kind of opportunity that will lead you on a path. And the best part is that if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else and try again. You have time Finn, please don't give up on yourself." Rachel sweet voice caressed him like a blanket and he sighed again.
"You're right- of course you're right. I just, I'm scared you know? What if I fail? I can't take anymore of this feeling of failure. Of disappointing everyone I love and care about." Finn rubbed his forehead.
"Don't worry about anyone else. All you have to worry about it you. Your mom and Burt will be proud no matter what you choose to do. I'll be proud of you." She told him seriously, making him smile like a idiot.
God she was so good at making him smile even when he felt like shit.
"Thanks Rach. You always know just the right things to say." Finn smiled genuinely, closing his eyes a little and just listening to her rhythmic breathing.
"We may not be together Finn, but you're still one of the most important people in my life. I really hope you find something you're passionate about, because when you're good at something and you love it Finn, you practically glow." Rachel almost whispered the last part.
"You mean the world to me too." Finn shifted a little, wishing he could just hold her as he heard her breath hitch a little. "But I'm sure you need your rest now Rach. I bet Brody is waiting for you." Finn tried to keep the bitterness at bay.
"I can't sleep. And Brody isn't here right now. I actually don't know where he is so..." She trailed off, a little sadly.
"I'm sure he just got caught up at work." Finn said. The last thing he wanted to have a conversation about was Brody, but he didn't want to shut her out either.
"Yeah that must be it." She sighed, he heard movement and assumed she was shaking her head to rid herself of any other thoughts. "So tell me about your day Finn. I want to hear all about it."
Finn chuckled at her sudden burst of enthusiasm. "Well there was this particular douchy client that came in today needing an oil change. He was wearing a ruffled shirt and bright green suit. He must have been coming from some kind of cosplay thing." Finn laughed, loving the sound of Rachel giggling on the other end.
They spent the next hour and a half on the phone just chatting about their day. He talked about the annoying clients that came in, she talked about her bitchy dance teacher Cassandra July.
By the time they'd finished sufficiently bashing Ms. July, Rachel was yawning almost every other sentence. "Alright Ms. Berry, judging by the fact that you're yawning every ten seconds, I'd say it's time for bed." Finn stifled his own yawn, glancing at the clock that read 1:12.
He could practically see her pout through the phone. "Fine. Thanks for staying up with me Finn."
"It was my pleasure Rach. I couldn't sleep either and it's nice to have someone to talk to. You know, someone who isn't my mom or Burt." Finn chuckled.
Rachel giggled again. "We should talk more often Finn. Once every few days isn't enough for me." She said shyly.
Finn was pretty sure his heart just doubled in size. "It's not enough for me either Rach. Hell, just talking to you isn't enough for me." He breathed out a deep sigh.
It was silent on the other end for a moment as he laid back and stared at the ceiling, listening to her breath. He wondered if what he said had made her uncomfortable.
He was just about to open his mouth and take back his statement when she spoke quietly, "Hey Finn?"
"Yeah?" He asked, his heart beating erratically as he waited to see what she was going to say.
"What are you doing for Christmas?"
"Are you sure you're going to be okay? You need anything else for the plane ride? More cookies? Another sandwich?" Carole fussed over Finn, fixing his coat and doing everything she could to flatten out his 'fin'.
Finn resisted the urge to laugh at how frantic she was being. "Mom, I'll be fine. The flight is only a couple hours remember? And you've already packed me three sandwiches and two dozen cookies." He stopped her by placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'll be okay, I promise."
She nodded and wiped her eyes with her handkerchief as Burt watched the pair, an amused look plastered on his face.
"Flight 152 now boarding." The announcer of the intercom interrupted Carole's blubbering about how she was going to miss him. He didn't understand why she was being so emotional. He was just leaving for a week or two so he could spend his holidays with Kurt.
"You better go bud. Come give me a hug." Burt managed to tear Carole away from her son long enough to give him a hug and a pat on the back. "Finn, try to enjoy yourself okay? Forget about the tire shop, the Glee club, forget everyone here. Just focus on yourself." Burt pulled away and handed Finn his ticket as he nodded.
"You got it. Thanks Burt." He smiled at his step dad and turned to give his mom a hug.
She grabbed his cheeks and placed sloppy kisses them on. "You behave okay? And please take care of yourself there. I love you Finn." She pulled back and wiped more of her tears as Burt placed his arm around her shoulder.
"Love you too mom." Finn grabbed the handle of his suitcase and waved at them, heading towards the terminal.
He turned back and waved a few more times before they disappeared from view. He smiled politely at the flight attendant as he handed her his ticket. It was only then that he noticed the ticket said one way. Burt had bought him a freakin one way ticket.
Did that mean Burt didn't want him to come home? He'd have to ask Kurt when he got to their apartment. Maybe he knew something.
Besides, it was a little too late to turn back now. He was already boarding the plane and Burt and his mom were probably already back at the car by now considering how long it took him to get through security.
He pushed his way through the aisles, plopping down in his assignment seat by the window. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. Having to get up at 5am when he was used to getting up at ten did not bode well for his sleeping pattern.
His phone buzzed in his pocket just as a young woman sat next to him, smiling bashfully as she settled herself in.
He grinned back lopsidedly, pulling his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it. There was a picture message from Kurt reading 'be prepared for tree hunting when you get here. We need an experts opinion on what makes the best Christmas tree. We suck at this' It was followed by a picture of Rachel and Santana dressed up in Christmas colors (Rachel in a fucking adorable red reindeer sweater with gold stitching) as they untangled the red and blue lights, Santana with a pissy look on her face and Rachel's arm adorably tangled up in the strings of lights.
He smiled widely and typed back his response, sorely tempted to crop out Santana and just make the picture of Rachel his background. She was just so cute it was hard to not think of her that way.
And the best part? Brody's nowhere to be seen in that picture. He smirked smugly to himself, leaning his back against the headboard of his seat. He was fully aware of the young woman beside him that was staring up at him in awe. But he curled up next to the window, watching people bustle about below him as they prepped the plane for takeoff.
He was vaugly aware of his phone beeping in his pocket but he ignored it for now, focused only on the fact that in just a few short hours, he'd be in New York City during Christmastime (the friggin busiest time of year) with his brother, Santana, his ex-fiancée and her boyfriend. As screwed up as it all sounded, he was actually really excited.
Even if Burt and his mom were trying to trick him into staying longer. Which he totally knew that's what they were doing. He had a sneaking suspicion that's why his mom was crying so much.
Regardless of everything that had happened to him in the past year, he was determined to have a good Christmas. Maybe it would even put him in a better mindset so he start of a better life for himself too.
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