Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, if I did it would be oh so different.

This was inspired by a conversation between me and my love, Aaya.

Pairing: ByaxRen

Byakuya's Problems

As a noble, Byakuya expected every day to be perfect. Failure and disappointment were not in his vocabulary. At least, he thought they weren't. In all his time as a captain, he was never late for a meeting and he completed his work on time. He was the definition of perfect. Nothing could go wrong, that is, nothing did go wrong until that fateful day. Two days ago, he finally, after years of heartache, confessed his love to Renji, or he tried to.

It all started when he arrived into the office on time as usual. He sat at his desk and began his daily chore of reports. As usual, Renji arrived an hour late. It irked Byakuya to no end how he could be tardy every day. As usual he gave Renji the lecture on perfection and how his tardiness shamed his name,.

"Renji, you need to be on time. You are a disgrace to this squad…." As usual, Renji agreed and promised to be on time. Anyone who knew Renji well enough knew he wouldn't, but Byakuya played along with his word. So long as the work got done he didn't particularly stress the details. After two years of trying to reform the red head's behavior, he let it go. In the end, he just made Renji work over time as compensation.

It was during one of these late night work days that the event happened. It all started when Renji came close to him, so uncomfortably close that Byakuya could hardly keep his normal cold expression on. His pulse quickened so much he could hardly keep his breathing quiet. Renji, being the kind person he was, leaned in way too close and asked him if he was getting sick. Oh how Byakuya wanted to die just then. His cheeks flushed bright red, which caused his vice-captain to worry even more, so much so that he placed a hand on Byakuya's forehead to see if he was running a fever. Byakuya stammered for the first time in his life and could barely say, "I'm okay." Renji went pale, and Byakuya fainted from the sheer gravity of his situation.

Byakuya awoke to a soft bed and a glass of water being handed to him. He looked to see Renji leaning over him. He murmured a word of assurance to him and broke down, admitting all of his love and feelings for him. Renji stood still, looking at him dumb struck. Byakuya couldn't blame him, he was known for being an ice block when it came to emotions. Renji leaned down and wrapped his arms around his now vulnerable captain and whispered words of comfort and assurance to him. The two of them stayed like that until they fell asleep together.

Byakuya slowly opened his eyes. One quick told him he was not in his room. A glance to the window told him it was about noon. He jumped up knowing full well he was late. How could he, the definition of perfection, be late? On top of that, his stomach hurt terribly. He shook Renji, waking up the red head. Renji grunted and yawned loudly looking at Byakuya.

"Now I know why you are late.. You don't have an alarm and you stay up late," Byakuya looked at him reproachfully. "I shall give you one so that you are on time. Renji smirked and started to get dressed.

Renji stopped in mid action and looked at his captain, "Aren't you late for a captain's meeting?" Byakuya grimaced and nodded. The word late shot through his heart like a knife. "You look a little pale and flushed, are you ill?"

Unable to contain it all Byakuya launched into a rant. His emotions poured forth and his mask of indifference faded. Renji had just that powerful an effect on him and he couldn't keep hiding his feelings and health from him.

"I feel sick. I haven't been able to push any out lately when sitting on the toi-toi. my stomach hurts… I have a bad case of constipation, that's mostly why I'm an ass all the time. that or I really have to piss badly, kind of like I really do now. I'm about to turn yellow with it. Do you have this problem Renji? I seem prone to it. But I really need some kind of medicine and I really do have to pee, but I hate peeing in other people's houses. I'm just weird like that. What are you looking at me like that for? you asked how I was and no, I did not drink. you should know that. You were with me after all! Oh, but my bladder is about to burst from holding it all in. I still wish I could push one out while on the toi-toi. what's a toi-toi? It's a toilet that's what. Yes I am a weird person, surprise, this is what I am truly like. You know I cant hold this piss in any longer… you know, when times like this happen, I sneak out to a bush and let it all go. It's a wonderful feelings. I can do it so elegantly and gracefully too. Oh how my stomach hurts badly. Constipation is not fun you know? Oh the blasphemy of being a noble!" He falls on top of Renji and cries, clinging to him, not wanting to be separated from him. He sobbing quietly, letting out all of his feelings. He looked at Renji, with a "woe-is-me" look, not feeling a bit of shame for anything he just said.

Renji, having listened to Byakuya's rant, stared, not know what to say to his captain. Who knew Byakuya Kuchiki was so…imperfect? He was even a bit on the dirty and weird side. This was one rant that he listened to with all ears, not wanting to miss a thing his captain said. For once his captain left him speechless and interested, after all, this was a side of him that no one would ever see, except him. For this was the kind of entertainment, you can't find anywhere and it talk all of Renji's power not to laugh at his captain's "distress".