Author's Note: Unfortunately, this must be in the form of a high school fanfic. There is simply no other AU where all the characters can have such casual interaction. Because really, Misa and L cannot be in the same college. So for future reference, unless otherwise mentioned, all characters are juniors, except for Near, Mello, and Matt, who are sophomores.
It was disgusting.
It was completely, absolutely disgusting. And that was saying something considering that L could drink a glass that consisted of pure melted sugar without barfing.
What was the subject of his nausea, you ask? The answer was quite simple, even simple enough for her. Because merely listening to Misa talk for 5 seconds made L want to retch. Misa, or more specifically Misa dating Light, disturbed the black-haired teen to no end.
He peered over the book he was pretending to be reading, looking out the library's window into the hallway, and glaring at the blond model as she hugged her boyfriend, Light.
Light, who was the only one whose academic performance rivaled L's. Light, president of student council, and current school tennis champion. Light, who was the main reason that, according to L's last investigation, over 10% of the school's male population was secretly gay.
L himself was part of that 10+ percent, and he wanted nothing more than to drown Misa in a toilet so he could have the gorgeous brunette to himself.
"Awful, isn't it?" came a voice, startling the genius out of his thoughts. He turned to see Teru Mikami, one of few students who could match L's nerdiness, standing beside him.
"What does Mikami-kun mean?" L replied, not wanting to reveal his secret obsession.
"That such an undeserving girl gets the honor of dating Kami."
"Kami?" L questioned, raising a nonexistent eyebrow.
f"Light-sama," Mikami clarified, making L wonder if perhaps he did not possess the title of Light's greatest admirer.
After briefly analyzing some percentages, L decided this student was probably too insane to do anything with the knowledge of L's crush.
"It is quite awful," L agreed. "Amane-san is, in all aspects, inferior to Light-kun."
Mikami's eyes widened for a moment, no doubt do to the blasphemy of L's use of a far less devoted honorific, but he seemed to tolerate it.
"I've been planning ways to break them up for a while," Mikami admitted, "but I haven't come up with anything I think would work on my own. I think that we could be allies in this."
"So," L said, trying to come to terms with what the other student had proposed, "Mikami-kun wants me to aid him in his plot to break up Light-kun and Amane-san, undoubtedly for the purpose of dating Light-kun himself?"
"I am quite observant, L. I know of your thoughts on Kami. But you must admit, neither of us can get anywhere with the current state of things. It would be mutually beneficial for Kami's relationship with her to end, and even if he ended up with the other, we would both be in a better position when Light-sama gives up the idea of liking females. Even if our status doesn't change, anyone other than," Mikami nearly hissed the name, "Amane would be more tolerable."
L paused. Mikami's arguments were surprisingly convincing.
"Very well. We may join forces in this endeavor."
Mikami smirked, his eyes flashing red. He followed L's gaze to the hallway outside, watching in evil amusement instead of horror as Misa jumped up and down next to Light.
"However, I am curious about the nature of Mikami-kun's plans regarding Light-kun. Is he able to reveal them now?"
Mikami glanced around the library, and, seeing nothing in their vicinity but books, sat down next to L to divulge his grand plan.
"Okay," he whispered, pulling out a piece of paper from his backpack.
"Mikami-kun... is that Light-kun's class schedule?"
"Yep. Not only that, but his afterschool clubs, usual evening activities, and average hours of sleep," Mikami explained, showing extreme pleasure in the knowledge.
"How did Mikami-kun obtain such a thing?"
"Oh, I do my research," the bespectacled teen said knowingly. L decided to ignore his stalker-like tendencies for now.
"I've highlighted the classes Kami has with her in pink, and the ones he has with me in green. You may use blue." Mikami handed L a blue highlighter, and he proceeded to mark the classes he and Light shared. When completed, the schedule looked like this:
Light-sama's Class Schedule
Period 1 - Science (shared with Mikami)
Period 2 - Theatre (shared with Misa)
Period 3 - Math (shared with L and Mikami)
Period 4 - English (shared with Mikami)
Period 5 - History (shared with Mikami)
Period 6 - Computer Programming (shared with Mikami)
Period 7 - Japanese Literature (shared with Misa, L, and Mikami)
"Why does Mikami-kun share six of Light-kun's classes?" L asked.
"I wanted to take advanced law, so I had to have one class without him."
"...Very well then," L stated, looking away with an odd look on his face.
"So," the future prosecutor explained, "to break them up, we will obviously need to use sabotage. And what better way to do so than to plant evidence that Amane is cheating?"
"Wait," L nearly interrupted, "one has to go about breaking up a couple in the same way they would solve a murder. You need to find the motive. Besides, I think Amane-san is far too clingy for Light-kun to believe she is cheating."
"Motive?" Mikami questioned, raising an eyebrow that actually existed.
"Yes," L explained, "We need to know why Light-kun dates Amane-san in the first place. I believe deductive reasoning will work in this case."
He turned in the rather uncomfortable sitting position to make eye contact with Mikami.
"Light-kun is obviously not dating her because of intelligence, nor witty conversation. As far as I can tell, they do not have any common interests. It is possible he is dating Amane-san to look better in comparison, but he is too amazing to really need to do so. And even if that were the case, he could have chosen someone less annoying. The only positive quality I can discern is her physical appearance. She is, as much of our high school's male population would say..."
He took a breath, the next words obviously awkward.
"...quite cute. There is an 86% chance that Light-kun is either enamored of her beauty, or more likely, using their relationship to increase his social standing. Either way, if we were to ruin Amane-san's appearance, it would cause a crippling blow to their relationship."
Mikami pondered this for a moment.
"That is good reasoning. But we need a good follow up plan, or Light-sama may simply turn to another female. I haven't yet come up with a plan to make Light realize his gayness."
"Once again, I believe this may be a matter of social status. Light-kun is very popular, and does not know how coming out of the closet will affect his reputation, even if over 10% of the males at our school are secretly gay."
"What?"
"A recent study I conducted," L clarified. "I also do not have a set plan, but if Light-kun is homosexual, there is a 37% chance that he will abandon the premise of dating girls if the entire school already believes him to be gay."
"You would deliberately hurt Kami's reputation?" Mikami asked in amazement.
"Well," L began, treading lightly (no pun intended), "I do not believe Light-kun would be as badly hurt by this as he may fear. I suspect that at least 90% of the females would find it 'adorable', and as I stated before, at least 10% of the males would be delighted with the new development. The result is that at least 50% of the school would be happier with Light-kun gay. With Light-kun's popularity, the homophobic students would not be able to mock him for long. Then there is of course the fact that our plans have little chance of success if Light-kun's sexual orientation is not made public."
"Well, if..." L clamped a hand over Mikami's mouth as another student walked past them, looking for a book. L lowered his voice to a whisper.
"Wammy's Club meets this evening after school. I believe some of the members would be able to aid us greatly. Come at 3:05; we'll need your information."
With that, L got up and walked past the other students filing into the library, leaving a slightly confused but very excited Mikami.
"Take that, Cortex! Fire breath combo!"
Matt rapidly punched buttons on his Nintendo as he waited for the other members of Wammy's Club to arrive. Although it was named after Quillish Wammy (who preferred to be called Watari), their teacher sponsor, he didn't participate much in the actual club, except to bring snacks. The actual content of the club was left up to the club's president, L.
L would bring interesting detective cases, many of which were real, and then have the members of the club solve them. When they were given a real, unsolved case, L would join in. Otherwise, the detective work was left to the clubs three other members, Matt, Near, and Mello.
Matt knew that L, Near, and Mello all loved the clubs activities (even though Mello's fascination probably had more to do with beating Near.) But Matt himself couldn't care less about solving cases. Of course, he was smart enough to contribute, but the redheaded teen would have really preferred to be at home playing video games. No, he was part of the Wammy's Club for a different reason.
You see, Matt was part of a certain 10+ percent of the school's male population, though not for Yagami Light. It was the blond student sitting in front of him, looking exceptionally hot as he was yelling at Near, who had caught Matt's eye.
"Dammit. I died," Matt grunted angrily to himself, having been killed in his game due to being distracted by the previously mentioned hot blond.
"Good," came the voice of the club's president, who had just arrived, "Because today's club meeting is particularly important."
Three heads shot up as they heard L utter the word 'important'. Matt turned off his game. Mello stopped moments from punching Near, who was actually sitting up straight to hear what their president considered 'important'. Even when they had to solve a case with a serial killer, L hadn't called it important.
"We have a guest today," L told them, nearly dragging in a tall, dark-haired man who wore glasses.
"This is Mikami-kun. However he is not important." Matt noticed 'Mikami-kun' did not protest this statement. In fact, now that Matt looked at him, he was pretty sure that they were in the same computer programming class.
"Previously," L continued, "you have done all of the casework from within this room. I am offering you a chance to put your skills to use in the field, and on a very important mission." Matt and Mello were almost jumping in their seats from excitement at this, and even Near looked intrigued.
"The plan I have developed involves cell phone hacking, throwing mud, and catapult design." L looked at Matt, Mello, and Near respectively as he stated the components. Matt noticed a slight change in L's normally emotionless voice, and wondered what could actually excite the insomniac.
"So what is all this for?" Matt asked, actually interested.
"If Matt-kun must know, the goal is to break Light Yagami and his girlfriend up, and make him admit to being gay."
"So you can go out with him yourself?" Mello questioned.
"That would be the ideal outcome of this, yes," L admitted.
"Then what's he doing here?" Mello said, pointing to Mikami.
"Mikami-kun possesses crucial knowledge about Light-kun that would take far too long to otherwise obtain," L answered, turning to the other dark-haired student, "The schedule, please."
Mikami nervously handed L a large piece of paper, which he then taped to the classroom's white board.
"This is a copy of Light-kun's class schedule, as well as outside of school schedule. Highlight the classes you share with him."
Mello and Matt got up, and got yellow and purple highlighters from Mikami. Near remained seated, stating that he didn't have any classes with Light. Matt marked computer programming, and Mello marked theatre. Matt then drew a small Pac-man picture for good measure.
"Mello-kun is the only one of us in theatre with Light-kun. Therefore, he must keep us informed on any crucial interactions between Misa Amane and Light-kun. Now, for the plan."
"According to this schedule, Light-kun has tennis practice every Friday after school. This is an ideal time for Matt-kun to pick the lock on his gym locker, and program in a highly embarrassing ringtone on his cell phone. I trust Matt-kun can set the ringtone to only go off for certain callers, so Light-kun does not discover it too early."
"Yep."
"Good. After tennis practice tomorrow, Light-kun will be attending a party that consists of most of the school's 'popular' students. It is an ideal time for Matt-kun to activate the ringtone, of course using an untraceable line."
Matt nodded. The whole task was rather simple, other than the fact that he would have to sneak into the gym locker area. If he were discovered, there would be few plausible excuses; Matt hadn't even gone near the gym for the entire year, for anything. And that included assemblies.
"... And Near-kun should have no problems with the catapult design."
Matt blinked. He had tuned out for a bit there.
"Mello-kun is of course the most qualified to use the catapult. He should aim specifically at Amane-san's face, especially her hair. Multiple mud balls can be launched, but Mello-kun must not be discovered."
"If someone does find me, can I just knock them out?" Mello asked.
"It is preferable to avoid detection altogether, but Mello-kun may use violence if necessary."
"Awesome!" came the blond's response.
"Remember that this is just the initial plan," L reminded them, "and subsequent actions will be determined based on the response and success of the plan. We will meet again this Saturday at the Koukai Toshokan Library at 4:00 to discuss future actions. The information portion of Wammy's Club has now ended. You are free to work on your own individual cases."
Near quickly whipped out a piece of graph paper, and began sketching out the catapult, while Mello, having little he could do to prepare, got out last week's case. Matt supposed that he could be thinking up a plan to infiltrate the gym lockers, but at the moment playing his DS seemed a lot more interesting.
Mikami quickly left the room, showing no emotion, although probably slightly upset that he was almost completely ignored in the speech. However, L remained within the room, eating a piece of cake that Watari had surreptitiously brought in, though it was a mystery as to whether he was thinking about the plan, a case, or a new ice cream flavor.
Dammit. Matt had died again in his video game. Maybe being observant wasn't such a great quality for a gamer. But Matt couldn't stop himself from looking at their club president's rare smile, and he knew that whatever happened, tomorrow would be very interesting.
Author's Note 2: At this point I just want to say that THIS HAS BEEN BETAED BY THE AMAZING ZENA SILVERWING! She is the author of the awesome story known as Life Note. Hopefully her greatness will rub off on me. :)
