A/N: Can also be found in Archive of Our Own by the same title.
Disclaimer: I do not own ''The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim''; copyright goes to Bethesda.
"Knowledge is a strange thing, Nylian Avalen. Careful when, how and where you go looking for it."
The elder had done well to hammer this notion into his apprentice's head. He had been a curious elf since he was young, a quality that had only grown more apparent with age. He always had a question to ask his mentor; there was always something that caught his attention and interest, that intrigued him. Nylian endeavored to find the answers to everything. He wanted to know about the world and its workings, why everything was as it is, why processes followed one path and not another. Even knowledge that was considered forbidden and had been hidden away for that reason... he wanted to know why.
But one had to be cautious if they ever undertook the perilous journey that was searching for knowledge, for there was no telling what price one would have to pay for it.
Night had fallen and, as it was custom, he was unable to sleep.
His mind didn't let him.
He felt restless as he wandered through the ashen plains of Solstheim. He knew what was keeping him awake but didn't wish to give it any thought, lest he give into the desires of his mind. He had warned himself against his own actions -even Neloth had, in his own odd and crazy way- but he knew his self-control would ebb away until it was all gone. By that point, his sanity and everything that defined it would be gone as well. And then there would be nothing left of him; he would be a shadow of his former self and disappear in time, like ashes scattered into the wind.
This wouldn't happen in any reasonable amount of time. It would not be like ice melting with the coming of spring, or leaves falling from the trees when autumn made itself known. The process would be a slow one, which made it all the more dangerous... all the more corrupting. He knew Hermaeus Mora would make sure of that; it was a Daedra's business to trifle with the mortal world, after all, and especially with those mortals that wandered into his realm. Nylian knew the Daedric prince would certainly find it amusing to watch his descent into madness; everybody who was met with Mora and his artifacts inevitably suffered the same fate.
Every time he read a Black Book, he was nurturing the seeds of insanity that his own desire for knowledge had planted within his mind. But every time he wandered through Apocrypha, the individual sections and chapters of each book, he felt like he could stay there forever. In the darkness and gloom of the library, he found relief... even a twisted feeling of peace, regardless of whether Mora was watching him or not. Sometimes he sat among the swirling pages, listening to their rustling sound as they flew up into the air, some other times among the piles of books that constituted the library.
Perhaps this was the beginning of his descent, but Nylian's mind was strong. He knew that as long as he conserved his common sense, his rationality, he would be able to delay his inevitable downfall.
It was a possibility.
Even then, the odds weren't too high. Everybody involved with Mora's dealings ended up serving him in one way or another, and Nylian was no exception.
The thought was a frightening one, but it was a very real truth.
Nylian had not been careful, had not heeded his mentor's words. Because of this, he was walking down the path of ruin, with nothing but insanity at its end.
