TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. SHEFFIELD MANSION - ESTABLISHING

A car drives by.

INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING

The family sits around, enjoying breakfast. The room looks
dark and the lights flicker. Fran, dressed in a robe,
sashays in and looks around, standing next to Maxwell.

FRAN
Good morning, everyone. Wow, this
new lighting makes Studio 54 look
like the Sears portrait studio.

Everyone squints as the lights flicker again.

MAXWELL
Mmmm, yes. I told Niles to install
the new chandelier, but, clearly,
he outsourced the job to a
complete and total idiot.

CUT TO:

Int. Kitchen - Continuous

C.C., the complete and total idiot, dressed in a white
jumpsuit with a bandanna tied around her head, packs up a
toolbox and chuckles to herself. A ladder leans against the
counter next to her.

Niles comes down the back stairs.

NILES
Oh, look, the secret love child of
Rosie the Riveter and Mr. Clean.

C.C.
(ignoring)
You may think you won, but when
you see the shoddy job I did, I
guarantee you'll be wishing I was
the one who could fit those
thirteen Oreos in my mouth.

Niles walks up to stand behind her and whisper:

NILES
Oh, you know you shouldn't speak
to me like that here. It's such a
turn on. The thought of you...

C.C. arcs an eyebrow.

NILES (CONT'D)
Covered in cookies...

C.C. fans herself.

NILES (CONT'D)
And cream.

She whimpers slightly.

NILES (CONT'D)
Slowly choking to death.

She looks away a moment then rolls her eyes.

C.C.
One day, Niles, all these walls
you build with your cutting jabs
and cruel remarks are going to
come crashing down, and you and I
are going to-

A loud CRASH sounds from the other room. They look at one
another with eyes wide and mouths open.

C.C. (CONT'D)
Be in so much trouble. Oh my God,
Maxwell? Maxwell?!

She runs toward the dining room with Niles on her heels.
When they get there, the kids stand around the table in
horror, trying to pull a fallen chandelier off Fran and
Maxwell. C.C. and Niles join them and succeed.

GRACE
Daddy? Fran? Are you okay?

They both moan and move slightly, not totally waking up.
Brighton and Maggie move to their sides. Maggie lifts up
Fran while Brighton takes Maxwell.

Cartoon birds, drawn in the style of the opening credits,
fly around their heads.

ZOOM IN: on the birds.

The opening credits start, but the birds are still around.
They fly all over the screen and with a few flashes
everything changes.

The "bridal shoppe" becomes a "pastry shoppe" and so on
from the new lyrics:

THEME SONG
He was working at a pastry shop in
Bethnal Green...
'Til his girlfriend kicked him out
in such a crushing scene.
What was he to do? Where was he to
go? He was out like a big schnook.
So, over the pond, from England to
Fran Fine's front door.
He was there to sell vacuums, but
Fran, she saw more.
He had taste, he had brie, he was free.
That's how he became the house cook.
How he would fit, that was
anyone's guess
When he took on the role of
personal chef.
Now Fran she finds him heating;
Watch out Niles.
And the kids are actually eating;
Such food styles.
He's the fella in whites when
everybody else is stuck in blacks.
The subtle guy from England, the
private chef Max.

FADE TO BLACK.

END TEASER