Summary: Set after S1 + early episodes of S2, Kara muses on her feelings for one Lee Adama

Pairing : Lee/Kara

Rating : G

Word Count : 1,153

Feedback: I appreciate constructive criticism above all else

Disclaimer: Battlestar Galactica 2003 is the creation of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. The characters in the story are the property of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. Battlestar Galactica 2003 is copyright of the Sci Fi Channel. Battlestar Galactica is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is gained by this work.


SACRIFICE

This should feel normal, she's back with the fleet, in the middle of a card game which she's winning like always and she's with the people who know her the best but it doesn't. Nothing feels normal anymore. Not since she got back from Caprica, not since Lee told her that he loved her and not since she has only one tag to her name.

She knows Lee has seen it, she's seen the questions in those blue eyes. The ones she knows he wants to ask but is too scared so he falls back into familiar behaviour, he teases her like she was aten year old and she teases back. Neither one is ready to face one another's demons and neither one wants to risk their relationship.

Right now, they're facing one another down. Lee's got that smug shit eating grin on his face and Kara's got a guarded almost wary expression on her face. Lee only ever looks that way when he's got something going on in that exquisite head of his and Kara isn't sure she's ready for any more surprises. The 'I love you' confession had been enough to shock her out of the slump that her return to the fleet had seemed to push her into.

And sure enough, there's Lee's surprise. His hand of cards and the rewards that the symbols were bound to bring, Kara know she's frakked. She's not really been paying attention to the game and had been relying on natural luck to win the rounds but Lee's managed to surprise her again. Managed to win a game that she should have been able to win with her eyes closed.

Kara knows something's wrong, it's been wrong since she left Caprica and she left Anders behind. Something in her tells her that what she felt and quite possibly still feels is love but then another part reminds her of Lee's smile, the panic her voice had held when he had gone after Boomer and she knows differently. Maybe that's the problem, maybe she's fallen too far and too fast and she can't scramble for air because every time she breaks the surface, he's there pulling her right back under.

He's not even aware of it, that's what gets her the most. He's Lee, that's it, there's no exception and no apologies. He's the infuriating man who has haunted her dreams for much longer than she ever cares to admit, he's the man whose name she called out when Gaius was atop of her. She did it more than once so it can't have been a fluke. Gods know she wishes it had been a fluke, something she could brush off as a slip of tongue but she knows better. In spite of popular belief, Kara Thrace knows herself better than anyone else.

Lee's grinning from ear to ear and people are groaning as the CAG gathers his winnings but then his eyes lock onto hers and she knows he's reading her like an open book. His expression shifts subtly and worry is reflected in the depths of his eyes. Gods damn those eyes. Kara's pretty sure if Lee didn't have eyes like ithat/i, her life would be so much easier and she wouldn't feel the pull towards the brother of her dead fiancé.

She knows it's insane, she knows it would never work, they're too different but then there are times when they aren't all that different after all. Times when Starbuck and Apollo are on the same wavelength, times when she can see the person Lee used to be before Zak's death and before hurt and grief had put a wall between them. Her gaze drops and settles on that mouth, the same one that had touched hers upon her return. It hadn't been the welcome back she had been expecting but then, a lot of things had changed and Lee had changed in some ways and not in other ways.

His eyes are on her, she's always been able to tell when he's looking at her. Some kind of sixth sense when it comes to Lee Adama. First, the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, Secondly, tingles spread down her arms and last but not at all least, her stomach starts to churn. Kara likes to believe it's a natural reaction to being looked at but she knows it isn't, she knows it's the unique reaction she has whenever Lee looks at her. She drops her eyes down, throws her cards to the table and admits defeat, "Looks like the CAG's got it this round."

"Lucky." Hotdog mutters simply because he's lost the most and he's feeling a little bitter.

Lee smirks and then gives a small laugh. The kind of laugh he uses around people he isn't quite willing to let in. "You're just saying that because you're how many cubits in debt?"

Hotdog mutters the amount under his breath and the table breaks out into laughter as some hear it and they know he's frakked in the terms of cubits. Kara doesn't laugh or she does but not really, she doesn't have it in her. "I think I'm outta here." She murmurs as she feels Lee's eyes on her again and she knows she needs to move before she's tempted to meet and hold that unwavering blue gaze.

She makes it an all of three steps out of the door before a hand is on her arm and it's turning her. And there he is, Lee, looking at her with those damn eyes of his. "You alright?" He asks, voice steady and filled with a strength that's all his own.

Kara offers him her standard issue smile, the one that barely touches her eyes but hides the internal struggle well that's if you don't know her at all. If you do know her, the smile won't suffice and Lee knows her. He steps closer, "Kara?"

If she doesn't leave now, she'll break and she'll give into the emotions that are coursing through her. She'll tell Lee everything he's ever wanted to know about Caprica and she can't do that. She won't let herself because if she doesn't talk about it, it's like it never even happened. "I'm fine." She replies and even before he has time to question it, she's moving and she doesn't hear his footsteps behind her which means he's decided to let this one go.

Kara tries to pretend that it's better this way, it's better that Lee will never know what she thinks or feels, better that he and Dee explore whatever feelings they might have towards one another. She has a promise to keep and even as much as it pains her to let go, she has to. It's the only way, she can't and she won't be involved with another Adama, she barely survived the first.