The idea for this story came to me this afternoon. I was sitting in my father's arm chair, listening to The Bold and The Beautiful (which for some reason was on tv) and browsing the JEv Fanfic archives and I saw the title of a story by Two Guns and a Knife out of the corner of my eye while super-scrolling (scrolling really fast). The story was actually called The Secret Life Of A Trenton Police Detective HOWEVER I thought I saw "The Secret Life of Guns" and my mind immediately jumped to this little scene. Anyway, I hope you like it.
The Secret Life of Guns 1: Single Women are Bang Happy
Smith and Wesson Video Diary Excerpt:
Go home with a single woman, they said. You'll never regret it, they said. They're bang happy, they said. Well look who's living in the cookie jar now. Oh sure, living with a single woman is great. I get to sleep all day. And then at night, I get to sleep some more. Occasionally she'll take me for a walk. I get to go from the cookie jar, to her handbag, and then, when she remembers to, she puts me back in the cookie jar. God only knows what she does when she has me in her bag. I never see the light of day.
And bullets?
You've got to be kidding me. I've been starving since the day she brought me home. There was that one time that the man in black MADE her feed me, but that ended pretty quick. Don't get me wrong, I can see the bullets. I can even hear them talking in hushed voices when they think I'm not listening. They discuss escape tactics. One of them almost got away once, rolled under the toaster but was discovered before too long. I like to tease them about their dead end, suicide jobs, but they just snicker and remind me that it's been ages since I've felt the thrill of being shot.
Honestly, I had such high hopes when she came into the shop that day. She had that great Latino guy with her. The one with all the guns. I bet his actually get used. He's the one that picked me out, you know? He held me and checked me and then he passed me off to her, and I've been doomed ever since.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I get no action. There were a couple of times where I got stuffed down her pants. That was pretty exciting for a little while until I realised that she wasn't actually going to pull me out for anything useful. She pointed me at a couple of people, but that was about it. Oh! And there was the time she got me to shoot that guy THROUGH her handbag. That was pretty cool too, but it would have been cooler if she let me see the guy's face as I pumped him full of those snivelling bullets. I think she thinks that just because she doesn't want to see it no one wants to see it.
Hello! I'm a GUN! I LIVE to see that kind of thing.
Anyway, I better go, the Italian is lecturing her about not being prepared for the crazies of the world, so he's probably about to pull me out to prove she's incompetent. If only he would confiscate me to prove a point. I'm sure I'd be better treated at his place. I'm sick of this cookie jar.
So? What do you think? Any suggestions for future vignettes? I have at least one more gun one and a car one up my sleeves.
