Title: "Raison D'Etre -
Prologue"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an
AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It contains some Japanese words (the
Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...
Notes:
Born to... hum... torture Hokuto and Seishiro? Explore the
possibilities of Persocom usage in the 'X' series? Well, that
too but I was aiming at something else with this... What? You'll
discover when it'll be finished...
Warning over notes: This
fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a
number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the
word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the
notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the
word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to
understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the
notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know
more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon", "X"
and "Chobits" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using
their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and
Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and
a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh
reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Ruth
for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Fourteen
people are involved in the battle for the end of the world... but if
one is dead why not replace him with a Persocom?
'Futari ga kitto deaeruyouna mahou wo kakete / ... / Imamade zutto ienaimama kakushitetano / Tsuyogatteru soredakenano mitsukedashite / Machiawasemade atogofun mattete/ Sonoatofutari koi ni occitano / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Dakishimetainoni / Dakishimetainoni.'
('To make sure the two of us meet, I cast a spell / ... / Until now, unable to say it, I've just been hiding it / I'm only acting strong, that's all it is, please see through it / Just wait five more minutes until we can meet / And after that we fell in love / ... / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / Let Me Be With You / I just want to hold you /I just want to hold you.')
ROUND TABLE featuring Nino - "Let Me Be With You"
1991 - Tokyo - Shinjuku
Sumeragi Hokuto was walking back and forth in front of her brother's room.
She wasn't allowed in to see him, not while her grandmother was trying to Go Within Subaru's soul.
Hokuto knew it was dangerous to Go Within another person's soul, especially if he was an Onmyouji, even moreso if he was someone as powerful as her brother, particularly if the Onmyouji trying to do it was old and in a wheelchair due to a 'meeting' with the Sakurazukamori.(1)
The Sakurazukamori.
The one who had broken Subaru's arm and heart without any hesitation.
The Sakurazukamori.
The one who had marked her brother as his prey and now was Kami-sama knew where, planning to finish Subaru off.
The Sakurazukamori.
Sakurazuka Seishiro.
Sei-chan.
The one whom she had carelessly handed her brother's fragile heart to.
The one she had allowed to enter into Subaru's life.
The one she had joked with as one would with a friend.
The one she still couldn't bring herself to hate.
Hokuto knew that what had happened had been entirely her fault.
Even if Sei-chan was the only one whom Subaru would ever be able to get attached to, the two would never have managed to get that close without her support.
If they hadn't gotten so close Subaru wouldn't have fallen for him...
She had kept telling herself she was doing it for Subaru, because he needed someone Special in his life, because he needed someone just for him.
It was a lie and she knew it.
She had been doing it for herself, because she had wanted Subaru to do what she had believed was best for him, because she had wanted him to have the life she had chosen for him, because she had wanted to be able to look at him and see that he too was... human...(2)
Subaru had revealed himself much more human than she had expected and now his humanity was killing him from inside.
Subaru's door opened with a click and her grandmother manoeuvred her wheelchair out of the room with a bit of difficulty. In her concern for Subaru she hadn't realized she should have helped her, in her concern for Subaru all she could do was ask how her brother was.
"He's awake," was the laconic reply. "And conscious of his duties," the old woman added.
Hokuto couldn't care less about Subaru's duties, she just stormed into the room, forcefully shutting the door behind her as if to close out duties and problems as well and ran to hug her brother. She practically threw herself at him and she hugged him as tightly as she could, but she realized almost immediately something was wrong. She released Subaru to look at him in the eyes but he turned his gaze away.
"Subaru..." 'What's wrong?' she wanted to ask but she knew what was wrong or she believed to. She gulped and tried to summon the strength for a smile.
"I have to get up, Hokuto-chan," he told her, still not looking at her. "I have to... prepare things. Obaasan wants me to get back to Kyoto," he explained, still avoiding her gaze.(3)
"Kyoto? But..." she said in confusion as she moved to allow him to get up. Subaru was moving mechanically, tiredly, as if each act required all his strength and he was managing to do it only due to his strong will. And she hadn't missed how he had called their grandmother 'Obaasan' instead of 'Obaachan', as he usually did.(4)
"Obaasan said I'm born to be a Ten no Ryu, destined to fight in the battle for the end of the world," Subaru said calmly, almost impersonally. He was picking out the things he used for his work as an Onmyouji, the Shikifuku, the Ofuda, the candles, the mirrors and all the other assorted things, setting them carefully, despite the discomfort his broken arm should cause to him. She knew she should help him but somehow she couldn't find the will to move. She was frozen on the spot, staring at him, unable to block out that sensation of dread she was feeling but not understanding what was causing it.
Subaru paused in the middle of his work, his shoulders slumping, hands tightening on the last object he had picked up.
"A Ten no Ryu is born to protect humanity. A Ten no Ryu will create a Kekkai to protect them. A Kekkai to protect the person he cares for the most. The person I care for the most..." he trailed off but she knew who he was talking about.(5)
How could Sei-chan have done this to him? How could he have carelessly broken his heart?
She knew he loved Subaru, she was sure of it, was his duty as Sakurazukamori more important than his feelings?
What could she do to make things right between Sei-chan and her brother again?
To make them both live happily together?
"Do you know that the Sakurazukamori is born to be a Chi no Ryu instead?" Subaru continued, as if he had never paused, his tone tinged by a mocking note. "We're not only from opposite Ichimon, we're foreordained to be enemies in this, too... Obaasan said I will have to kill the Chi no Ryu to save the person I care for. Isn't it ironic? To have to kill the one you want to save?" he asked but his voice wasn't ironic anymore, just empty and she wanted so desperately to console him and yet she couldn't think of a single word to say to him. This matter was too big, too horrible for a teenager to handle, and it wasn't fair that Subaru had to deal with it.(6)
"Subaru..." she tried but he interrupted her again.
"Hokuto-chan. I have never thanked you for all you have done for me. I've never thanked you for all your help and encouragement while I was around Seishiro-san. Thank you. No matter what others will say or do, I've been happy in this year, I've been happy each and every second I spent with him, more than I have ever been in my whole life. I don't regret any second. I would have liked it to last forever. I would have liked to have more, to be able to do better. All I had with him I owe to you and I thank you," he said firmly in a very honest tone as he picked up more objects, she couldn't see which ones, since he had his back turned to her now.
"Subaru..." Yes, she too had wished it would last forever, she too had wished things would go better, she too had wished her brother could stay happy.
"I should apologize I didn't choose you as my more important person. My sister. My twin. The only one who loved me for what I was, for who I was. I'm sure, Hokuto-chan, that there's someone who will see you as his most important person, maybe he already does," Subaru continued. She blinked. What was Subaru trying to tell her? He turned and smiled at her but that smile looked... wrong in view of the situation they were facing, in view of the things Subaru should be feeling right then.
"I'm born to protect Seishiro-san," he said calmly, before turning to pick the last remaining objects that were part of his Onmyouji equipment. "I'm born to protect him from me. There's only one thing I can do in order to accomplish that, in order to protect him from someone he views as nothing more than a glass cup," he stated calmly and Hokuto wished she could scream at someone. At Sei-chan for telling him such an idiocy or at Subaru for believing him to be serious, she didn't know which one of the two. Instead she remained silent, just staring at Subaru. "Hokuto-chan, Seishiro-san told me that Sakura petals are pink because they feed on the blood of the people buried under them. It's the blood that makes them grow beautiful and strong. Please, make sure I'll be buried under a Sakura tree," and as he said so, firmly, without the tiniest hesitation, he removed the ceremonial blade from its sheath, turned it against himself and plunged it into his body.
"SUBARU!" Hokuto screamed but it was already too late. Subaru bent down and was forced to lean on the table to support himself, then his strength failed him, his grip on the table's corner loosened and he fell. Hokuto grabbed him but he was too heavy for her to support and they fell to the floor together. Other people joined them, screaming people, yelling people, but she didn't care.(7)
Her brother smiled at her, a weak, pained smile.
"I'm sorry... Hokuto-chan... All I wanted... was to be... with Seishiro-san... protect him... and that's... the only way... to accomplish... my... Wish... I... am... so... sor...ry... Sei..."(8)
On Subaru's naked hands the Sakurazukamori's marks flared for the last time, then faded to never be lit again.
She stared at him as his green eyes became dull and slowly closed while his body went limp in Death's embrace. She stared at him, trembling, unable to shed the tears that were filling her eyes because if she let them fall, if she let them fall it would mean that it was true, that he was gone forever, so she called him softly, once, twice, ignoring a man who was telling her that he was gone, ignoring her grandmother telling her to behave in the proper way for a Sumeragi, ignoring everything except Subaru lying asleep in her arms, because he was asleep, wasn't he?
She called him, called him, calledhimcalledhimcalledhim...
He never answered her back. He would never do it again. Her twin, her Subaru was dead, and with him a part of her soul.
She screamed at the realization, then bent down and wept, holding Subaru as tightly as she could, she wept without being able to stop, she weep until her tears ran dry.
Somewhere else in Tokyo a man was forced to lean in pain against a building as the spell that had marked Sumeragi Subaru signalled the boy's passing to the man that had created said marks.(9) Backlash was a nasty thing, especially when he caught his victim totally by surprise but he plainly didn't care about it. He panted heavily, not understanding what had happened, how it could be possible that...
"Subaru-kun... foolish boy, what have you done?" he whispered to himself as he sagged to the ground, void of all strength but only the wind answered him, blowing strong enough to raise fallen Sakura petals or, maybe, to cover the answer that a ghost would whisper to him, to cover his answer as it had done long ago with the voice of a teenager that was making a bet with a child.(10)
The previous Sumeragi no Chou kept her grief to herself when her grandson died. She had been trained to ignore her own feelings in favour of concentrating on her duty.
Destiny required the Sumeragi to give a Ten no Ryu for the last battle.
It was her duty to provide one and she would do just that, no matter what.
The Sumeragi Ichimon would never bow to the Sakurazuka Ichimon. Never.
In a water-looking world a YumeMi smirked. Everything was following her plans just nicely.
'Minaretamachi sarigenaku arukeba / Tashika ni konome niwa utsuru / Mugure ninatte susumu hitonami ni / Umorete obieteru kokoro / Raison d'etre sonna fuu ni / Raison d'etre onajiyouni / Waratte shizunde nagarerunowa naze / Kagi wo sagashiterunda zutto sgashiterunda / Dokomade mienai? Sono door no kagi wo / Kotobayorimo daijina nanika ni / Kizukenai toki wa sugiteyuku / Aizu wo machi oshierarerumama / Sashishimesu vector ni mukau / Raison d'etre kyoumo sekai de / Raison d'etre shinjirerunowa / Kasukana hikari to kegarenaki shin no ai.'
('The town where everyone sleeps/ If I walk with nothing on my mind, I can see it / Buried under the advancing crowd/ Is my trembling heart / Raison d'etre, in that way / Raison d'etre, in the same way / Smile, fall silent, why do my emotions sway/ I'm looking for a key, I've always been looking / I can't see it anywhere, where is the key to that door... / What's more important than words/ The time keeps passing and you can't realize it / Waiting for a sign to be taught like this / Facing the vector that was pointed out / Raison d'etre, in today's world too / Raison d'etre, I believe it / A faint light shining on a real love.')
Rie Tanaka - "Raison D'Etre"
To be continued...
JJ's Notes:
1. When Seishiro trapped Subaru in his Maboroshi and told him the truth about the bet Subaru's grandmother managed to free him. However, probably due to the Sakanagi, she remained injured and ended up in a wheelchair.
2. In 'Tokyo Babylon' Hokuto admits she didn't consider her brother's behaviour very human because he was too controlled and that she was glad to see him lose his cool when he saw Seishiro hurt because she finally found the humanity in him. She also said that she knew that Seishiro was dangerous but she hadn't cared because she had wanted Subaru to get attached to someone.
3. The Sumeragi main estate is in Kyoto, not in Tokyo.
4. Subaru and Hokuto always call their grandmother 'Obaachan' which is a polite yet affectionate way to call her. 'Obaasan' is more polite and formal but also more... distant.
5. According to Aoki Seiichiro when you create a Kekkai you've got to think of the person you want to protect the most. In the manga when Subaru loses Seishiro (who was the person he cared for the most) he is not capable of creating a Kekkai anymore.
6. Subaru's grandmother assumed that in the battle between Ten no Ryu and Chi no Ryu the Ten no Ryu will have to kill the Chi no Ryu to win. In 'X' isn't said it will be necessary to do so, however she believed that was what the Ten no Ryu would have to do in order to win.
7. Since Subaru's grandmother was in a wheelchair I assume someone had transported her from Kyoto to Tokyo. That's why there are other people in Subaru's apartment.
8. I know, I know, in 'X' Subaru's wish is to be killed by Seishiro. However this was after Seishiro murdered his sister and Subaru spent eight years trying to hate him and failed. Since here things went differently his Wish is different.
9. Actually in the manga it is never said if the star shaped marks Seishiro had left on Subaru could be used to get info about Subaru's well being or how they would react, should Subaru die. Seishiro said he placed them merely to recognize the boy. Subaru later said that Seishiro could have used them to track him down also. However I'll go with the popular opinion that they're a bit more useful than that.
10. In Subaru's memory of the bet when Seishiro said the terms of the bet he didn't manage to hear them due to the wind.
JJ's Extra Notes:
One of the things I don't understand
at all of 'Tokyo Babylon' is why, when Subaru went within, no
one tried to fish him out of it like Subaru did with Kamui. Wouldn't
it have been way better than let him remain catatonic or let Hokuto
go on a suicide mission?
Okay, so it might be that someone tried
and failed but there's no mention of this.
As for the behaviour of
Subaru's grandmother... no, she wasn't trying to be cruel with her
grandson. She just believes duty come first and she hadn't grasped
Subaru's attachment for Seishiro. In her mind she had believed that,
saying Subaru those things would make him understand Seishiro wasn't
worth Subaru's pain. Subaru instead was afraid of the mere thought of
having to hurt Seishiro in the future and preferred to kill himself
off.
"Let Me Be With You" and "Raison D'Etre"
are respectively the opening and the ending of 'Chobits'.
About
'Chobits'... I'll only use the concept of Persocom. I'll
assume that in 'X' timeline they had just started making them
but they were too expensive for common people so only very few people
could allow themselves to buy one.
Dictionary:
-chan:
Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with
a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or
"Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Ichimon:
"Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Kekkai:
Shield
Obaachan: "Grandmother" or "Old
Woman"
Obaasan: "Grandmother" or "Old
Woman"
Ofuda: Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda'
("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm"
used to cast some spells
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and
Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying
the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the
Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also
represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of
nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo".
Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu:
"Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo
spells
Sakanagi: "Reverse effect". Backlash of a
spell
Sakura: "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry
Blossom"
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry
Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill
who threatens Japan
Shikifuku: Ceremonial Robe
Ten no
Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
YumeMi: "Dreamgazer".
Who can see the future in dreams
Don't grumble silently,
please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your
comments!
