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Previously titled Fear Cuts Deeper Than A Blade.

*** Note I – WARNING: For those of you who've only watched the anime or who've started reading the manga but haven't gotten very far, we are dealing with spoilers right off the bat! By spoilers, I specifically mean anything prior to Chapter 91 of the manga. For those who are anime-only, that is up to the end of Season 3. ***

*** Note II – Disclaimer: All canonical work is under the ownership of their respective creators. All fanworks posted are intended for personal, entertainment and non-commercial use. No copyright infringement is intended. *** I only own the following: My OCs, non-canon places; ideas, events, storylines and plots that are my own and not in the original canon; and, my imagination~ :3 ***

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~ 000 – Of Missions And Amnesia ~

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"Survivors aren't always the strongest; sometimes they're the smartest, but more often simply the luckiest."

~ Carrie Ryan, The Dark and Hollow Places

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Year 832

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"– the Founding Titan. You must . . ."

". . . 'Ymir's Curse' . . ."

"– royal family."

"The Walls; you must –"

"– the Marleyans! Retrieve it before they s–!"

"The mission. Take back . . . Take it back!"

"–kasa and Armin. Save them; you must save them! Save them, save them, save them, save –"

"Take it back, take it back; damn them, take –"

"Oh? I do not know them . . . Do I know them? Who's . . . Whose memories are these?"

"Take back the Founding Titan!"

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Tch. Damn that Owl . . .

The plethora of words that had been spoken from Eren Kruger's mouth resonated incessantly within the titan's mind. The words . . . So many words . . . Too much information. It was all unceremoniously forced upon him regardless of the fact that he did not want it given his state of mind at the time, and it was embedded within his brain.

And the mission.

The mission that he had reluctantly agreed to fulfill.

Sighing internally, the titan traversed across the grainy, sandy beaches. Seagulls cried annoyingly and unceasingly; and the strong, warm late-summer wind whipped his messy dark hair. From yonder the horizon, the sun sank below the sea; its golden orange-yellow rays reflecting splendidly atop the waves and perceiving the colossal body of water as a serene sea of candles.

He felt strange in this titan form – it was his first time transforming, after all. It was warm . . . So very warm inside. Sparing a glance into the sea by his right side, he noted a vague reflection of himself: He had sunken eyes and elongated, pointed ears. His black hair was somewhat long as it reached his insanely broad shoulders, and he had a think, coarse beard – and unruly chest hair. Despite his muscular physique, his proportions seemed rather odd with almost gangly arms and an unnaturally bulkier torso. Standing at fifteen metres tall, he was quite pleased that his height was neither short nor overbearingly tall.

The huge left hand that the titan clutched against his left breast was in a fist; a firm yet gentle first, for what was inside was far too precious.

The sun disappeared and the skies were suddenly filled with ominous grey-black clouds. The wind picked up its' pace and the smell of rain was in the air. Taking one final glance into the dark seas, the titan turned and sauntered past sandy grounds and towards grassy lands . . .

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"Why, when I have nothing else to live for?"

"Will you not . . . You will not do this? After I had told you everything; after I said that I will give you my power; after all . . . No. I refuse to believe that you would want to wallow in this ludicrous self-pity. Don't be pathetic!"

Cold and calculating light grey eyes narrowed slightly towards the hunched and kneeling figure before him. Eren Kruger procured an exasperated sigh as the gentle wind tousled his greying brown hair. He then spoke the name of the man in a calmer tone, expecting an answer.

"I have . . ." The twenty-six-year-old man with ragged raiment and dark brown hair stayed kneeling on his shins; his green-brown eyes fixated upon his heavily bandaged hands and wrists. "I was a failure as brother; I was a failure as a husband; I was a failure as a father, and I . . . As a human being, I failed." The stench of rotting blood filled his nostrils and a few fresh drops proceeded to splat down from where his fingers and thumbs used to be. "They're all dead, or have been turned into those pitiful monstrosities. My own son . . . I cannot fathom why! And my daughter, my precious sweet girl; they most likely have her too. They will fill her head with false things and use her – unless they've elected to feed her to the dogs, instead. They have one child, so why keep the other one?"

As the man spoke, Eren's eyes filled with a certain gentleness, and a small smirk broke out of his unreadable, neutral expression as he glanced towards something at a somewhat far distance. Kneeling before the broken man, he placed a strong hand atop his shoulder and procured a comforting squeeze. "No, you will do this thing. Eldia needs for you to do it. Your daughter needs for you to do this. What? Have you no balls?"

At those final words, the injured, vulnerable man snapped his head upwards. His reddened, tear-stained eyes displayed surprise and a newfound hope as he stared into Eren's pupils. Removing his hand, Eren stood up and turned to his side as soon as he heard a low voice. The man turned as well, though he stayed on the hard ground.

There was a bald middle-aged man who donned the Marley soldier uniform, and he carried a large wicker basket filled with the torn and dirty clothes of dead prisoners. He spoke whilst lowering the basket onto the ground: "This wasn't easy. My companion elected to stay behind halfway to avoid suspicion."

The expression upon Eren's face was that of relaxed calmness. "Regardless, I thank you for doing this. I have left your payment with your wife. Your companion's payment should come to him in the form of a letter."

Smiling grimly, the bald soldier turned on his heel and hurried away. "Thanks, Kruger, and Godspeed."

Apprehensively, the injured man looked towards the full basket. "What is this?"

"Your resolve," came Eren's swift and blunt reply as he lowered himself by the basket and began to remove its' contents. "I loathe that it may seem as though I'm bribing you with this." Kneeling forward for a couple of moments, he then stood tall and turned around with a sleeping little girl nestled within his arms. She was barefoot and dirty; wearing an off-white and long-sleeved nightgown that reached her ankles, which was tattered at the hems. She was seven years old – she had just turned seven two weeks prior to this day on the first of August – yet due to the fact that she was so petite and skinny, she looked more like a four or five-year-old.

The kneeling man's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "My daughter – you have her; you've kept her safe!" Though he blinked back the tears of joy that had threatened to fall, emotion continued to swirl violently within his green-brown eyes. An overpowering surge of warmth began to course throughout his weak body.

"And now you must keep her safe." A smirk ghosted Eren's features. "At the Walls, where that Titan is. I will administer her a special memory drug. She'll fall into a deeper sleep, and once she wakes, she will forget everything." He paused for but a moment. "Give her a real home and safety and happiness. Give her a mother and perchance even a sibling . . ."

Hope and intense determination flashed across the man's face, and he stood tall on vaguely shaking legs. He will give his daughter the opportunity to live and grow and develop into a lovely woman. He will gift her the opportunities denied his younger sister. "Give me the serum."

Eren Kruger's lips morphed into a victorious grin.

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He walked and walked and walked.

Owning many shades of green and brown, the gargantuan dense forest obstructed almost all sunlight . . . How many hours had he been traveling now? Days? He had lost track of time . . . Did a week pass him by? No; if that were the case, then the child he protected within his left fist would have died due to dehydration. He could still feel her gentle breaths. Was it two days, then? Three days, perhaps?

A magnificent red stag and three beautiful creamy brown does pranced around the shaded flowerbeds by the bases of the thick trees; yet, they watched him cautiously with large, beady black eyes.

Time, however, was not the only thing that eluded his memory: With each passing minute, he would remember less and less of who he was as a human prior to turning into a Titan. How did he turn into a Titan? What exactly is a Titan? What was he doing here? He became scared of this memory loss.

He meandered between hundreds of ridiculously tall pine and spruce trees for the next hour . . .

Why am I travelling in this direction? Where did I come from and how did I arrive here? Why am I here, of all places? Who am I? Let me out; I want to get out.

Instantaneously, the world morphed into a black, abysmal pit. It was warm, so very warm and almost bordering on hot. Smelling flesh and blood, the man began to thrash around in a panic. Meaty red things swallowed his legs, up to his knees; and his arms, up to his elbows. More of it was stickily attached to his torso and most of his face. An urge to vomit began to develop within the pit of his stomach.

What is this? Where am I? Let me out, let me out! Alarmed and disgusted, he continued to pull with all of his might. The flesh that seemed to be glued to his face finally ripped free, albeit it was painful. Looking around his closed confines, he could barely see a thing. It was stifling in here.

Muscles aching, he continued to thrash and pull for an eternity – at least, that was what it had felt like to him. Must get out . . . Let me out. I need to get to my daughter, I need to see her. I need to get out of here. More thrashing, more pulling, and more tearing and ripping . . .

"LET ME OUT!"

Cool air assaulted his body, and an overabundance of trees and shrubbery filled his vision. Hot steam emerged from the opening of the nape of the titan's neck, and the man desperately gulped down the fresh air that whipped around him. How did I emerge from this huge body? Humans cannot do this! Can they? No, it's impossible. Yet I just did? Is this a nightmare? Absent hesitation, he managed to sit up; freeing the front of his torso and his arms in the process. Subsequently, after then standing up on shaky and slightly weakened limbs, the nasty flame-coloured flesh detached from his legs. Apparently, he was able to do this with ease now that he wasn't completely trapped within the giant body. Huh.

Lying face-down onto the soft grass, the titan's cadaver gave no inkling of movement. The man moved to climb down the body, but his legs were quivering so much that he stumbled and fell onto the grass. Ignoring the pain from both his muscles and the fall, he half-ran, half-staggered towards one of the Titan's decomposing hands. "My daughter! My daughter, please . . ."

In no time, the ragged man with dark brown hair and green-brown eyes pulled out a small and thin little girl from the steaming, eroding hand and right into his arms. He ran a shaky yet tender hand through her tangled shoulder-length hair that was as white as fresh snow. "Oh, my precious daughter, you are safe!" Clutching her tightly against his chest, he made to run away from this unnatural Titan corpse before his legs then buckled and he fell, once again. Two rips appeared across his knees on his faded black pants, and he cursed frustratingly.

Damn it all! Why now, when I am nowhere near safety?! Why have I made the decision to come here? Was it even my decision? Where is here, anyway?

"Daddy?"

The pure and innocent sound of a child's curious voice floated into his ears; instantly knocking his growing anger away. His pupils met teal-green doe eyes, and she continued with her questions: "Daddy? At least, you . . . No. You are my daddy . . . Are you?"

"Yes, yes, yes; child, I am your father!" The man procured a smile. "And I will keep you safe –"

"Why don't I remember anything?" the child interrupted with a pout, and she looked to be quite distressed. "I forgot everything! Even my name – what is my name? How can I have no memory?"

Listening to his daughter's words and observing the emotions crawling all over her face almost made him want to cry – yet he did not shed any tear. He would stay strong for her. "Don't say that; you knew that I was your father, did you not?" She merely blinked, and he continued, "I'm sorry. I don't even know my own name, or how we came to be here . . . Or even why we are here."

"Then we'll find out together."

He procured and gentle, wistful smile. "Yes, we shall."

Home . . . Where is home?

Emerging from the thick cluster of overgrown shrubbery, the man – still firmly holding onto his daughter – found themselves to have finally reached the other side of the forest.

There was a clear sky and an almost blinding golden-white sun. Grassy plains stretched outwards for as far as the eye could see –

"Daddy, is that a wall? It's huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!"

'Huge' was an understatement. His daughter continued to babble excitedly as he gawked at the colossal structure in the far distance. What is that place? I've never seen anything of the like! How did they build something like this? What kind of people live there?

"Hey! What are you doing out here? Don't you have any idea of how dangerous it is?!"

His reverie was interrupted by a sudden whinny; the shout of another man's voice; and, the faint clinking of something made out of metal. Astride a chestnut mare, an older man with short brown hair and a big forehead halted his horse a few feet away from the duo. The younger man of twenty-six noticed the strange garb of the other man (A uniform . . . Possibly military?) and then his eyes trailed towards an even more peculiar silvery grey metallic contraption that hung on either side of his upper thighs.

"I am Keith Shadis, an officer of the Scouting Legion, and I will ask you again: What are you doing out here?" The slightly older man discerned the shabby and barefooted appearances of the man and his little girl, carefully observing their facial expressions. "What are your names?"

"I don't know. I woke up in Daddy's arms in there and I can't remember anything," the albino child blurted out as she writhed in her father's arms and pointed towards the forest.

The man's grip around his daughter tightened. "We came from the forest – I don't know why we were there?" He turned from the soldier to face the numerous trees and bushes. "Why were we there?" he asked himself in an almost-whisper before then speaking in a clearer fashion and turning to re-meet Keith's face, "I became aware of my surroundings whilst traversing in there . . . I don't know where we came from, or how we got there by foot and with no supplies. My wife – eh? Why am I thinking about my wife; I don't have a wife? No, I do but . . . Who? How, wha–?"

Keith Shadis almost gaped at him in shock as the younger man continued on with his confused and frantic tirade. "Amnesia?" he whispered to himself and no longer disbelieving.

"Daddy, you're scaring me . . ." the girl whimpered with tears welling within her eyes.

Before any emotional damage could be done, Keith rose his voice in a calm yet hurried manner. "Come with me. It's not safe out here. I'll have to present you to the commander; however, but you two will be much safer with us. We will be able to sort you two out once we reach the Walls."

The younger man blinked. The Walls? Why did that just stand out in my mind? This is my first time hearing of these 'Walls!'

"Yes! I want to ride the pretty horse!"

The man winced, wishing that he had covered his ears as his daughter shouted, and Keith procured a small chuckle before speaking. "Come, then!" He lifted the child onto his horse; securing her firmly in front of him before then unbuttoning his short and hooded forest green cloak, and wrapping it around her body. The younger man could have sworn that he saw a pair of wings largely emblazoned upon the cloak, but Keith's movements were too quick. As soon as he climbed onto the horse, behind Keith, the soldier brought it into a light canter.

The man sighed quietly through his nostrils. Safety. We will be taken to safety; God bless this man. I will be able to build a new life for my daughter and for myself.

"Oh. I remembered . . . I think."

"Mm? Did you say something, young man?" Keith questioned; his eyes never breaking away from his horse's path. He finally caught sight of his comrades.

"Jaeger. It's Jaeger . . ."

"You've remembered your name?"

"Grisha Jaeger. A pleasure to meet you now that I'm able to introduce myself properly."

Keith smirked. "Ha! Likewise."

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Have you remembered mine yet?!"

"OI, CAREFUL!" Keith almost had a heart attack when the overexcited child in front of him squirmed so much, that she almost fell off the mare. "Calm down; you can flail and jump to your heart's content once we reach the Walls!"

Grisha sniggered, clearly amused, and that had Keith grumble. "Your name, my precious little one, is 'Elise.' Elise Jaeger."

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*** After Note I – Feel free to drop a review and let me know what you think~! :D Future chapters will definitely be longer, as this is only a prologue and an experimental chapter~ :3 ***

*** After Note II – On April, 2017; I published a fanfic under this same title, with a similar plot and intending for it to be an eventual LeviXOC. Although liking it at first, I ended up not fully satisfied with it – especially considering that I didn't fully plan it through, and A LOT of what I've planned wouldn't fit in that story due to the fact that my main OC wasn't as old and experienced enough, ergo a lot of things wouldn't make sense. I also wanted to change it to an eventual ErwinXOC . . . Erwin's my favourite character and Levi's my second, so yeah, I just had to change that little bit (also, there are waaaaay too few ErwinXOC romance explorations. He's such a complex man, so I'm insanely interested in exploring different things with him as well as the other characters throughout this story). The first version of this story has already been deleted; so if you're someone who had followed and/or favoured that version, I thank you and I'm glad you liked that prologue enough to follow the story – I also apologize for deleting it; however, I would rather write a story that makes more sense and that I love a whole lot more. ***

*** After Note III – June 2019 added note. Okay, about the whole thing with Grisha losing his memories in here: When I was initially writing this prologue, I had reread the parts of the manga relating to the past memories of Grisha and Keith; and – and I kid you not – based on how the information was presented, I was literally 100% convinced that Grisha really did temporarily lose his memories and that maybe Kruger gave him some sort of weird, potent memory loss drug to aide and give him more believability in his whole "Hey, Wall people, I've never heard of you and I don't know where I am and I have amnesia," shtick. Let's fast-forward to now, after I've reread the manga again and finally gotten around to checking out Season 3 of the anime: I realize that I may have been a bit too hasty in my initial assumption because now I'm thinking that although the first scenario might have been true, I'm also assuming that perchance Grisha was completely faking amnesia, or, he probably really did temporarily lose half of his memories and then faked amnesia on the other half that stayed with him. LOL, sorry people. xD But yeah, since I've already very much committed to the first scenario, I won't be changing it. It's still within the realm of possibility, and Grisha's definitely going to remember everything waaaaaaaay before Wall Maria falls. ***

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