The Fire to the Third Bar

Author's Note: Ok, this was meant to be a one-shot, but it just doesn't want to be. So this is the first chapter. It's loosely based around Snow Patrol's 'Set the Fire to the Third Bar'. Feel free to conspire as to why they're separated :) Enjoy!

Love, Ruby xx

DISCLAIMER: Don't own the Mentalist or the song, if I did, trust me, you'd know about it!

This was not happening. Patrick Jane was not being removed from her team. No, no. She couldn't take that. She love the stupid idiot too much. This was the worst day of her life.

Well done, Patrick Jane; you've really lost everything now haven't you? Now where do you go? I'm sure there's plenty of teams out there looking for an arrogant, self loathing prat who just so happens to dramatically increase the solve rate but create a load of paperwork on the side. Yup! The new team are going to love you!

"Welcome!" said a tall man, with a cheesy smile. "Errr, guys. This is Mr Jane, he's come to join us from the SCU!" This guy was far too excited, this made him overly annoying already. The rest of the team seemed well, normal. He was already missing his own team; this would never be his team. He didn't fit.

A new case already. Nothing like what the SCU got, just a burglary. Gang leader get's burgled, clearly rival gang or inside job. 'Inside job', he quickly settled with after seeing the house was left relatively well in tact, meaning whoever was here knew the layout well. Even the new team got this; wrapped up in two minutes. Was he really needed here?

Nothing for days. Teresa Lisbon was struggling, to say the least, without her beloved Patrick Jane. No paperwork, no case, no hassle, no stress, no fun, no excitement, no Patrick Jane. She felt like she'd been torn in two. How could they take her Patrick away? She put her head in her hands and rubbed her eyes, trying not to cry.

It was clear the others struggled without their unruly consultant too, boredom struck them all pretty hard. No tricks or games to entertain them. They may as well go home early.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. Jane just sat in a chair behind an empty desk. Yes sat in a chair. This was no comparison to his sofa back with the SCU. he really hoped they had a nice case to be getting on with, something that kept the boredom at bay; there's nothing worse than being bored. He hoped Teresa was enjoying the smaller amount of paperwork that came with the cases. He didn't feel right here. He didn't even know what this team's specialism was; he just had to take the first offer that came up.

"Hey, James." he called to the team leader, he paled compared to Lisbon. "What exactly is it you do over here? Like the team, they were the Serious Crimes Unit. What are you?" he asked, trying not to seem too rude.

James smiled at the consultant before replying with, "You didn't read up about us before you accepted the job?" He seemed surprised. Clearly his reputation had a little further to travel than he thought.

"Errr, no. Does that surprise you?"

"A little, yes. Ummm, we are the International Affairs Unit, the IAU. We tend to specialise in hunting foreign fugitives in Califonia. We haven't had many lately, so we just get called in when the local police are a little short."

"Oh, that's... different." Great, an international team. He already felt like he was in a foreign place. Hopefully he wouldn't have to leave the country, he was already far enough from Lisbon; he didn't need any more distance from her.

"I've just thought," said James, jarring Jane from his thoughts. "We haven't really had any introductions, have we? I'll let my team introduce themselves to you." he said with a sickly amount of enthusiasm. Well, let's seeif this can be made a little more interesting.

"No, no, no." Patrick interrupted, shaking his head and his hand infront of him. "Allow me. Let me show you what I can do, you've all been doubting my abilities since the moment you saw me walk through the door, so let me prove myself." he said smoothly. This was going to be good!

"Rachael," he began, pointing to a small blonde with bright red lipstick and a tight black suit with a white blouse. "Spelt R-A-C-H-A-E-L, but most people miss out the 'A'. You're 27, a promising agent with high ambitions. Your father was a blacksmith, your mother came from a small farm just off the edge of California. You live about a five-minute walk from the CBI building in a small flat, but you want to move into a house with your partner of two years." Patrick stated, and by the looks of the other agents, he'd hit the nail on the head too.

"Right, next. Errrr, Richard." he said, indicating a well-built man with curly mouse-brown hair, wearing grey trousers, a purple shirt and no tie. "You're 34, been with the CBI for about ten years now, not really got anywhere particularly fast, but moving up the career ladder just the same. You like the doughnuts with the apple jam, not raspberry, as the apple reminds you of your uncle's orchard over in England. Your mother is Spanish, your father is English. They met in America when they were fairly young, got married quickly and stayed together. You have an older sister who doesn't like your job as she thinks it's too risky for her little brother. You have two cats, one black, the other white. You live in a small house just out of town. How am I doing?" he asked with an 'I'm-pretty-pleased-with-myself' grin.

"Errr, very well, Mr Jane." spluttered Rachael. "Continue please, this is amazing!"

"And finally, we have the good team leader here, James." he said, indicating him with both hands for added theatrical effect. "You are 35 with a nasty addiction to caffeine. You have about three cups of coffee just to wake up in the morning, you really need to get that sorted. You have very little tolerance for shoddy tv, and have a large flat near the edge of the city, although still within a ten minute walk of the CBI. Your house is sparsely decorated as you spend very little time there, you spend most of your time at your girlfriend's house, which is over the other side of the city. Your mother died young and your father was never around so from the age of about sixteen you had to raise yourself. You have no siblings and your last remaining family member is you cousin who you rarely visit in Texas, although you're going there this weekend!"

Now they knew exactly what he could do they were all speechless.