This Can't Be It

Chapter One

Spoilers: End of the third season, well a little, I make up most of it.

This is my sorry ass excuse for what should've happened at the end of The Longest Day, just my version. Cause I hated the way it ended. Hell everybody should've. The first song verse is from "Hanging by a Moment" the next verses are from "I Believe in Love".

"I know this must be the hardest thing right now."

"No, I wasn't concerned-"

"Yes you were."

"It doesn't does it?"

"God I'm so sorry . . ."

"Thanks for protecting me."

"You know, don't you? Yes I know."

"I don't think you're in any position to talk about what's fair . . . you were my best friend."

"I still am . . ."

"Oh what, are you in love? Is that what this is?"

"Go ahead, ask 'em, because I can't stand to look at 'em anymore." As Dawson storms into his house, all Pacey can do is stare at Joey's back; even as she abrubtly turns and follows him inside. Pacey just stands there, staring at the closing screen door.

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving in to

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

"Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again." She's trying hard not to cry, along with Pacey, although he hides it a little better than her.

"Yeah." His voice is husky with unshed tears.

"You?"

"Yeah." She answers, nodding.

"So what would you have done differently?"

"I don't know . . . everything." His eyes close, he knows what's coming.

"Nothing at all. We'd still end up right back here, and I don't think I know where here is." He can only answer her.

"Here is right where we started." 'Don't cry Joey, don't cry Joey' she chants over and over again in her head. To distract herself, she instead glances over to True Love, taking a deep breath.

"Well, she looks beautiful in the water."

"This morning was really just a formatlity, I still don't know if she's seaworthy."

"She looks pretty solid."

"I don't know, I think I see some stormy weather ahead." 'Don't cry Joesphine Potter!' Joey takes a deep shaky breath, trying to calm herself down.

"Pacey . . ." She looks up to him, pausing.

"It's over isn't it?" The hurt, in his voice, just kills her, but she must do it.

"It has to be." Her words don't do anything for the throbbing pain in her chest. He licks his bottom lip, nodding, looking away, at the moving water below them.

"Maybe you should be the first one to go this time." Tears flood her eyes as she is reminded of the happiness that had been present that morning, and so Joey exhales, nodding; and scoots off the railing, turning away. Missing the lone tear slipping down his puffy cheek. After about ten feet she turns around, hands in pockets, but he's gone. This can't be it, she thinks to herself, crying freely now. This can't be it . . .

I made a promise to myself

Locked it way deep down inside

Told my heart we'd wait it out

Swore we'd never compromise

Oh I'd rather be alone

Like I am tonight

I'd settle for the kind of love

That fades before the morning light

I knew she would do it. In a way, it was inevitable. Even from the start, I knew it could never work out. I had hoped it would, but Dawson got in the way for his own selfish reasons. I want her so bad, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. It's like we're puppets in his show, he controls us. Something goes awry, he punishes, changes things to his liking. Which isn't fair. I mean come on, he was yelling at her, to her face. And she goes after him. Like always. The Dawson and Joey Dynamic. I wonder what the hell I had been thinking in the first place.

"She is never going to love you like she loves him, okay?"

I didn't want to believe that, but it's true in the end. I tried to push past that. But it always comes back to bite you in the ass. My moving feet hit gravel, and I realize that I've made it home without throwing myself off a cliff or something. Progress . . . my head shakes sadly as I make it through the front door and up the stairs. My room doesn't seem so inviting, but I venture forth anyway, pulling my jacket off my arms. I'm in the doorway when I hear it. A sniffle. Uh . . . that's when I see her, curled up in a ball underneath the window, crying her eyes out silently into her knees. The site just breaks my heart, but I'm not sure if she knows I'm here, or she does and just hasn't made any movement yet.

"Jo?" I whisper, shutting the door behind me and tossing my coat onto my bed. She raises her head to stare at me. Her eyes are bloodshot and tears trickle down her pale cheeks uncaringly. Biting my lip, I kneel down in front of her. She just inhales shakily and goes to wipe her eyes on her sleeve, but I grab her arms. She meets my eyes again, which hold a guilty, please kill me now look. I just pull her to me, and she gladly wraps her arms around my neck tightly, continuing to cry into my neck. My only response is to hug her trembling body closer to me.

Silence staring me in the face

And I finally heard it's voice

Seemed to softly say

That in love you have a choice

Today I got the answer

And there's a world of truth behind it

Love is out there waiting somewhere

You just have to go and find it

We sit here like this for a while, Joey despertly trying to hault this onslaught of tears, while I try to make something of this mess we've gotten ourselves into. Actually, the mess I got us into. I want to do something more, but all I do is hold her. There's a sniffle, and she pulls away to look into my eyes, whiping the tears off her pale cheeks. I don't think I've ever seen so much guilt in her big brown eyes, or misery. She then speaks, her voice trembling, fresh tears escaping.

"I'm so sorry Pacey. Through this whole time I didn't even stop t-t-to think about your fe-feelings, which isn't fair. I-I-" She breaks off, burying her face into my chest once again. My arms tighten about her, trying to give her some comfort. But again she pulls away, breathing in deeply, calming herself down while I rub her back soothingly. She tucks some stray hair behind one ear, then lays that hand back on my shoulder clutching the material, her eyes trained on my other shoulder. There's silence for a few minutes while Joey calms down, and then she finally looks up into my eyes.

"I," She has to take another deep breath, "Am so, so sorry Pacey, and not just for me. For Dawson too, he, he." She has to stop to brush some tears off her face.

"He what?" I prod gently. She bites her lip, moving her eyes away.

"He made me choose." She whispers, almost as if hell would open up if anybody else heard it. My eyes get big slowly, then narrow again, anger towards the guy I thought was my best friend.

"He what?" I ask again, confused, or just trying to understand what the hell that guy is trying to do to her. I can see more tears coming, but she holds them back.

"He told me that I can't have both of you." That bastard. "Either you as my boyfriend, or him as my friend, not both." She has that guilty look in her eyes again as she meets mine.

"But I wanted to pick you, Pacey, but he's been my best friend for so long, and I, I, I-" She falls into my chest again, but jumps away again, suddenly scared. She tries to push back as she speaks.

"No-I-I'll go now, you probably hate me by now." The last couple of words were quieter and quieter and rushed. Oh no you don't. Grabbing her arms, I pull her back, and she struggles weakly with me.

"Jo-Joey, I don't hate you, I don't hate you. I couldn't if I tried." Collapsing against me, she mutters something incoherently into my chest, and I wrap both arms tightly about her, never wanting to let go.

I believe in love, I believe in love

Love that's real, love that's strong

Love that lives on and on

Yes I believe in love

That bastard doesn't even hear me coming, good. Paybacks a bitch. I reach him and he looks up in time to watch my fist connect with his jaw. I feel no remorse as my best friend of ten years hits the pathetic earth in front of his pathetic house. I just stand there, clenching and unclenching my stinging hand. He finally pushes himself up, rubbing his lower cheek, glaring at me.

"Don't you think I should be the one punching you in the face?" I barely mange to stop myself from advancing on him.

"After what you did to her, no, I think that was pretty justified." The "innocent" confusion on his face makes me want to sock him again. I cut him off before he can speak again, and I'm pointing my finger at his chest.

"If you so much as approaches her again, you'll have a twin bruise on the other side of you pathetic face to match the other one." I begin to turn around when he confronts me.

"You have no rig-"

"The fuck I don't, these are her words, not mine. You just upset her so much she asked me to. Well, the punching thing was all me. Your welcome for that by the way." He just keeps his steady glare of hatred, not believeing me, obviously.

"And, if you do what I just warned you not to do, she gave me permission to sock you . . . again." This time I get all the way around and walk back down to the dirt road, making my way to his dock where Joey's boat is. After I get in, I watch him turn back around and walk back inside. Good . . . maybe he'll stay there this time.

I believe in love, I believe in love

Love that's real, love that's strong

Love that lives on and on

Yes I believe in love

Yes I believe in love . . .

Should I continue on? Please review and tell me! I love reviews! But can live without them, you can also email me! Thanks for reading!