I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto DOES. I would pity the characters if I did, because then they'd have to endure such unending torture as demonstrated in this story.


I wonder why Kakashi-sensei wanted us to visit the academy, Naruto thought as he took a seat.

"Hey, Sakura! Do you know why we're here?"

"No, actually. He just said, 'Be here by eleven-thirty.' So naturally, he won't be here until two in the afternoon." She replied, concluding with an agitated tone in her voice. Noticing Sasuke's presence, she scurried over to the vacant seat next to him.

"True," Sasuke added. He glanced at Sakura, who was grinning and flushing madly.

"Hi Sasuke-kun! Mind if I take a seat?" she asked, though she pulled out the chair and sat before he could voice his opinion.

"Yes. I mind." Damnit, when will she get it? I'm too sexy to be with anyone else, except for myself… Wait – what?

"Sakura-san! Naruto-kun! What are you doing here?"

The three genins shifted their eyes to the speaker, a skinny boy clad in green spandex and ridiculous orange legwarmers with the largest eyebrows you could lay your eyes upon . What a guy. He approached them and waved with his two teammates, Tenten and Hyuga Neji, tagging along.

"Fuzzy brows!" Naruto shouted. "Take a seat!" and he gestured to the seat next to him.

"Hi Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto!" Tenten greeted, then tugged on Neji's sleeve. "C'mon, let's sit down."

"… Don't I get a say in this?" he inquired, not particularly wanting to spend the day in a room with two fan girls (Lord knows he gets enough of that already), a drop-out who pulverized his conceited ass during the Chuunin exams, and Lee (enough said). The only sane one in this nut house is Uchiha…

"Sasuke-kun!" A shout echoed throughout the room.

Once again, everyone's heads snapped in the direction of the speaker. Yamanaka Ino winked, while Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji brought up the rear.

Sasuke's eyes widened. Kill me now, Itachi…

"Hey Forehead!" Ino screeched. "Scoot over so Sasuke-kun and I can have our alone time." She seduced, and threw a sweet glance in poor Sasuke's direction. Sasuke responded with a huge coughing fit.

"Think again, Ino-Pig! Go sit next to Shikamaru or Chouji!" Sakura shook her first in front of Ino's face menacingly.

"They're already sitting next to each other! And who cares about them, anyway?"

"Crazy fan girls who are far too troublesome?" suggested Shikamaru as he leaned back in his chair so only the back legs touched the ground.

"My mom?" Chouji added while munching on his infamous potato chips. Or maybe his habit of frequently devouring potato chips is what made it infamous? Only Chouji knows the truth, or does he…? (sorry...)

"Shut up. Who asked you guys anyway?"

"… You did…"

Ignoring Shikamaru's last comment, she pulled up a seat next to Sasuke so they squeezed together behind the table. Sakura twitched madly in her seat, before moving herself closer to Sasuke as well.

This is the life, sighed Sakura. Let's just pretend Ino pig's not here…

This is the life, sighed Ino. Let's just pretend Forehead's not here…

Abruptly, an eerie silence filled the room, which could mean only one thing: Shino. He glanced at his associates and acknowledged their presence with a mere hand wave. Behind him, his two teammates – a girl and a boy with a dog lying on top of his head - strode into the classroom.

"Arf!" barked the boy's dog.

"What do you mean, 'you have a bad feeling about the meeting, Akamaru'? Oh, hey guys!" hollered Shino's comrade.

"Kiba!" Naruto blurted. "Your team's here, too? What's going on here? Oh, and hi Hinata."

A timid girl with opaque eyes turned red as a beet and twiddled her fingers as soon as she heard Naruto's comment. "H-hi, Naruto-kun…" she muttered while avoiding his eyes. Shino felt no urge to greet his blonde haired "friend" since he had just greeted everyone with his wave, so it would have been a waste of his valuable time. OK.

"Hey, Hinata!" Kiba called, beckoning to a chair beside him.

"Coming, Kiba-kun," and it was then that the most horribly pleasant reality dawned on her: I-I'm sitting right behind Naruto! She froze in mid-step. The remainder of the genins – excluding Naruto, obviously – had recognized her peculiar behavior whenever she was within a forty-foot radius of him long ago, since they discontinued agonizing over her shyness.

"Y-you don't have to sit here if you don't want, Hinata," Kiba mumbled, suddenly looking offended.

"No – it's not that!" she stuttered, hurrying over to sit next to Kiba.

"So," Neji nearly shouted, straining to be audible over the tiny commotion suddenly created. "Does anyone have a guess why all our teachers gathered us here without telling us why?" Except for Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sasuke, the rest of the genin donned awkward, perplexed expressions.

"Didn't give it half a thought," Naruto remarked, completely forgetting that the first question that popped into his brain was: I wonder why Kakashi-sensei wanted us to visit the academy…

"I thought Asuma-sensei was hooking up me with Sasuke." (Hopefully you assumed that was Ino.)

"I never question the authority of Gai-sensei!" Lee shouting, thrusting a fist into the air.

"Shut it with your Gai-sensei crap, Eyebrows! You don't see me wearing a mask obscuring most of my face and reading perverted novels!" Naruto yelled, about to knock Lee upside his head. After he controlled his temper and several concerned looks in his direction, Naruto continued in his usual manner. "Hey – maybe they're teaching us some weird-ass jutsu, huh? Maybe it requires ALL of us…"

"I doubt it, Naruto," Sakura replied. "Why would one technique require all of us?" She glanced in Sasuke's direction awaiting one of his typical snide remarks to Naruto or some sort of input concerning Neji's question. Poor, sufferable Sasuke sighed.

"Personally, I think that this is another one of our senseis' cruel attempts in trying to have us 'bond'."

"Wow! What an awesome answer, Sasuke!" and Sasuke flinched as Ino swung her arms around his neck. Veins popped on Sakura's forehead as a result of her inhuman rage toward Ino; Naruto's (Why does Sasuke-teme get all the girls? He's GAY!); Sasuke's (Get off me, bitch!); and Shino's (he's weird like that).

"Maybe," Lee began in a thoughtful manner. "They're giving us 'the talk'."

An uncomfortable silence commenced. Then… all hell broke loose.

"HA HA HA HA! You're kidding, right Lee?" Kiba couldn't seem to contain himself. Naruto's laughter came soon after. (it rhymes... ha)

Lee let out a long, heavy sigh. "Why do you think they didn't tell us why we were meeting? Because then they'd have to deal with us exploding in their face – and worse, they'd have to do it individually. But, if all of the Jonins banded together, then they might have somewhat of a handle over us."

"But I know everything about girls!" Naruto claimed, feeling mighty proud of himself until he realized every female in the vicinity glowered at him, especially from the likes of Sakura and Tenten. "Well, I do! How do you think I came up with 'Sexy no Jutsu'?"

That. Was. It. Tenten snapped. A fury unlike anything remotely human spread across the proud feminist's face. Neji edged as far away from her as he could, but nearly fell out of his chair. Lee shivered.

"Scratch that thought, Kiba. They won't have a chance at any type of control over us."

"How, Naruto?" Tenten managed, levelling her voice to a deadly calm. "Cause… You're… A…"

"GOOD MORNING, MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS!" a familiar voice rung in the classroom.

"PERV!" Tenten shrieked, oblivious to the four new faces in the room. Maito Gai's expression, previously quite content, shrank to a look of complete confusion and… worry?

"Kakashi! It's worse than I suspected," he exclaimed in exaggerated urgency.


So that's the first chapter! Please comment, and I accept constructive criticism (God knows I need it) and maybe some positive feedback couldn't hurt :). I'll be writing the second chapter in no time, but I don't know when it'll be done. I have a gigantic research report, and I'm sick to boot. Plus, I'm writing a one-shot about Lee's first experience with alcohol and I'm still writing a story/one-shot (can't decide) about Obito's funeral and what happened afterwards, so whenever it comes it comes.