A/N: Starbucks is hell, crack pairings are awesome, and bohemian!Naruto rules the world.


A college town Starbucks at the last nine PM before finals week is the most depressing place on earth. Anxious, caffeine ravaged creatures hunch over tables, surveying laptops and textbooks with deadly intensity while the trash bin steadily overflows with large coffee cups.

Given the choice, Naruto would be studying in bed. Naked, preferably, with a steady stream of Red Bull and Bollywood soundtracks. But Sasuke has kicked him out again (using the ever reasonable protest of "your energy is putting me on edge"), and when he studies in Sakura's room they have a tendency to get distracted. So he sits in Starbucks, nursing a large green tea and using his iPod to drown out both the study group sharing a table with him and the smooth jazz blasting through the speaker above his head. It isn't working. He has read the same sentence five times without understanding a single word.

Naruto stretches, alarmed by the tension knotting in his neck. His eyes wander over to the window, where he sees the answer to his prayers.

Sitting by himself at the table by the window is a man with a cup of coffee. A quiet man. A hot man.

With an empty seat, tucked away from the mad throngs of malnourished, over-caffeinated undergrads.

Naruto is up before the study group even notices. He stands over the man's table, tea and coat in one hand, iPod and The Complete Machiavelli in the other. "Hi," he pants, flashing the smile that got half the dorm floor into his bed by midterms (including Sasuke, who refuses to count it because he kept his boxers on). "Is anybody sitting here?"

The man blinks slowly. His eyes are a startling pale gray, and he has the most facial piercings Naruto has ever seen on one person. "No."

Naruto throws his coat on the back of the chair and drops his belongings on the table, slumping into the chair with a loud creak. "God, you saved my life. This place is the eighth circle of hell, I swear." He drinks his tea, taking in the man across from him. Shadowy eyes, strawberry blond hair, serious expression that looks the slightest bit baffled by Naruto's cheerful presence.

And those piercings…dear sweet Vishnu. Maybe this isn't the best place to study without distractions.

"My name's Naruto," he says, leaning forward onto his elbows. "Am I bugging you? I'll shut up if I'm bugging you, but it's been a while since I talked to somebody who wasn't in the middle of a panic attack."

He could stop talking anytime. Really. But this man is staring at him like he's a cockatiel who just landed on his windowsill—bright, annoying, and possibly a sign of environmental catastrophe. Naruto likes being the center of attention, especially when it's the attention of someone attractive. And this guy looks just intrigued enough to pique Naruto's interest.

"You're not bothering me." The man sips his drink—his fingers are long and well-shaped, with dark purple nail polish. Naruto's never seen that color on a man before, a thought which sends an odd shiver up his spine. "I'm Pain. You must go to school here."

Naruto's heart gives a painful lurch. "Yeah. Sophomore. Philosophy major." He takes another calming sip of tea. Nail polish, multiple nose, ear and lip piercings, and a name like Pain? Who the fuck is this guy? And how does Naruto get back to his apartment?

"Pain, huh? Where does that come from?"

Pain's eyes drop from Naruto's. "It makes a person stronger. The pain I've experienced formed me into the person I am, so it seemed fitting to honor it."

Staring absently out the window, he looks almost beautiful. Naruto notices the lines of tension around his eyes, and is struck with the desire to smooth them out with his lips.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Lost my parents in a plane crash when I was a baby. I mean, you can't really miss somebody you never met, but it still hurts, you know?"

Pain looks up at him again. It would be stupid to call that a smile, but something in his expression definitely softens. "Let's hope we've filled our karmic quota of pain."

Naruto can't stop his eyes from wandering down, to the twin studs under Pain's mouth. You asshole, he screams internally. He's baring his trauma to you and you're thinking about S&M!

"Well, some pain is better than others," Naruto says, leaning back with a smirk (conscience be damned, he hasn't gotten laid in weeks). One delicate eyebrow lifts, and Pain gives Naruto a real smile that makes him shake with something other than nerves.

"My philosophy exactly."