Chapter 1

They play in the meadow. The dancing girl with he dark hair and blue eyes. The boy with the blonde curls and the grey eyes, struggling to keep up with her on his chubby toddler legs. It took 5,10,15 years for me to agree. But, Peeta wanted them so badly. When I first felt her stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as odd as life itself. Only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it. Carrying him was a little easier, but not much.

The questions are just beginning. The arenas have been completely destroyed, the memorials built, there are no more Hunger Games. But they teach about them at school, and they girl knows we played a role in them. The boy will know in few years. How can I tell them about that world without frightening them to death? My children, who take the words of the song for granted:

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your eyes

And when again they open the sun will rise

Here it's safe, and here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.

My children, who don't know they play in a graveyard.

Peeta says it will be okay. We have each other and the book. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I will have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won't ever really go away.

I'll tell them how I survive it. I' tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because, I'm afraid that it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years.

But there are much worse games to play.