A/N: Just some rambling, I don't even know where all of this came from.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything (boooo!…)
So stoked that Paige's gonna be back.
Also, so nervous that Paige's gonna be back. (Please don't kill her Marlene King!)
And this is me praying for a good storyline for our Captain.
Sorry for any grammar, spelling and other mistakes that you might find in this story.
This is all on Paige's POV
Infinity x Infinity
I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you; not again, not with those big brown eyes, the dimples in your smile, the way you scrunched your nose a little bit when you laugh, the way you looked at me in the dark, but it was 2am, and we're both drunk, and laughing while crying on the things that we've been through in life, and I'm exploding with happiness that I haven't feel in a long time, and I knew, just by looking at you, just sitting here beside you while gazing at the stars, talking about broken dreams, the new ones, life in general, I knew, I just knew, I am falling in love with you all over again. (Jokes on me, I never really stopped.)
Because I have realized within minutes of meeting you again in that old bar just outside Rosewood is that I want you again; and I have realized within hours of looking at you that you are still everything I have wanted.
"What happened to us?" you asked me, while looking right through my eyes. I'm speechless, you always leave me speechless, you will always have that effect on me, you always scare the hell out of me, yet you can also calm my soul at the same time, is this what love should feel like? A contradiction that somewhat balances.
"Life," I answered you after a long pause, "Life gets between us."
"I just realized.." you started then looked down, then you refrain from your words and looked up again to me "I would watch you in Stanford, winning your very first race of the season, I will be standing there, cheering you, then I'll realized that I can be that girl…the girl on the stands watching you win…and I'll be so proud."
"Please don't…" I told you, "We would never know what would happen at that time."
"But please, I need you to know, that I'm sorry for dragging you into the mess that is my life, I'm sorry for hurting you all of this time, I'm so-" I cut off what you're saying, and hold your hands.
"I could have avoided you, I could have avoided all of this A mess, I could have avoided this emptiness I feel inside of me now, I could have avoided being hurt by you time and time again, but somehow I knew, you were a collision worth having."
All of the feelings I tried so hard to lose, come back with just one teary smile from yours.
"Please teach me to feel again, in all of the ways I've forgotten", you whisper softly to me, tears come streaming down our faces; life has never been that good to us.
Then I'm leaning into you, and then you're closing your eyes slowly, then I closed mine, I feel your trembling lips against mine, I can taste the salt in your tears, I can feel every single touch, every single breath, I can see every single memories we have while my eyes are closed.
The first time I saw you on the pool.
The first time I kissed you in your car.
Our first picnic.
The karaoke.
The kiss on my pool.
Every time we say "I love you."
Our moments on the window seat.
Every time we swim together.
The dance in the hoedown.
The dance in the Christmas ball.
Our last kiss in the airport.
Then blank.
I always feel you in my memories.
I stopped kissing you, then I realized, the most beautiful things in my life happened with you, and the most beautiful things that will happen in my life, I want to happen with you.
"Take a chance on us again", I pleaded. You never answer my question; you just looked down at your lap guiltily. The silence is deafening.
"Have you ever wondered, what will happen to us in California if I didn't hurt my shoulders?" you curiously asked me.
We were on my car now, I'm driving you back to your hotel room where you are staying right now, your mom already sell your childhood home and joined your dad in Texas when you graduated high school, you're in Rosewood for Hanna's wedding, and that's also the reason why I am here.
I chuckled at that and looked at you briefly, and looked again at the road, "Always", I truthfully told you.
"We would get an apartment near the beach, a small place where we can call home", I looked at you before I continue, I want to gauge your reaction, and you just nod, urging for me to continue.
"Then, we'll gonna fight on the most stupid things, because we just want to."
"We're gonna fight on who will wash the dishes, and because you always leave your shoes scattered on the floor", you added.
I smile, "Yes, then when we are on the mood, you will cooked so many food, and we will have a picnic outside, on the beach, and sleep under the stars."
"And then, we will adopt a dog, and you would have named him Rudy," you laughed at that, and I continue "that we always play Frisbee with, outside."
"Who also loved to jog with you, every morning", you said.
"And you would always get angry on the both of us, because there will always be sand scattered on the floor when you woke up."
"True", you say while chuckling.
"On spring breaks, we would invite your friends over in our little apartment, so they can spend it with us."
"Our friends", you corrected me. I just smile shyly and looked at you.
"We would sometimes swim on the sea at midnight".
"And plays with the rain outside."
"That would be the most difficult four years of our life together, but it doesn't matter, because we have each other", I told you.
So many wasted dreams, so many chances that we haven't took.
I can already feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes again, and my voice is already cracking.
"Then, after we graduated, while we're celebrating in our front porch, with wines and some bread, both of us getting slightly drunk, i will looked at you straight in the eye and I would asked you to marry me."
Then I stopped the car in front of your hotel building, and neither of us says anything, we just sit there inside my car looking at each other.
Then after a long pause and a heavy silence, we both got off of my car and stood in front of your hotel.
"So I guess, this is goodbye?" you asked me, but you're not really sure.
I hugged you so tight at that, I didn't want to let you go.
But then, ever so slowly, I let go of you. Again. It's all up to you now.
"Goodbye", I turned my back to you, and walked slowly towards my car.
It is raining now.
I can feel every step I took vibrates through my body.
I know every step I took, is a step far away from you again.
I can see the droplets of rain pouring above my shoulders.
I remembered my favourite poem.
I want love that is like a never ending drizzle
Pouring but not suffocating,
Light but you can feel everything
Dropping but not hurting
Just the perfect amount of falling.
I started to cry, without really knowing it. Tears started to mix with the rain on my face, it is suffocating, and I almost can't breathe by how heavy the rain is pouring on me. I am drowning.
I reached my car and retrieved my keys from my pocket.
"Paige…" you called out to me, and I closed my eyes at that and take a really deep breath as I turned back to face you.
We are standing face to face again so close to each other, I hope you won't notice the tears in my eyes. You took my hand, and pull me against your body.
We are both drenched by the rain and our tears. We are both shivering.
"I would have said yes", you said to me barely above a whisper, then you hugged me so tight, I nearly can't breathe.
Then you slowly pulled away from the hug and you looked into my eyes and said "You feel like home, you're like a dream come true."
"We are made from the same colliding of stars, I have never stopped loving you Paige, and I never can."
I looked at your eyes, for they were like the night sky, ever glittering and graceful.
I take you in, you are wild and lewd and unpredictable. You are breathtaking. You are beautiful.
I take your hand, and put it above my chest where my heart is.
"It beats just for you, even after all this time."
Soul and mind, hand in hand, you took me to your hotel room that night.
We laid together again, all night, my arms wrapped around you, a shield from the dangers of the night, you are haunted by your dreams, memories that are brought to life when you are asleep, A, redcoat, lighthouse, Maya, Alison, tortures, lost love, broken promises, dreams that will never come true, I knew I couldn't fight your demons, but I knew I could always be there when you woke up. And I wish, this time, I will always be there when you woke up.
I just realized that that's why people fall in love; we want someone who will be there to make sense of all that we are.
And as long as I remember, as long as I know, all that we are, all that I am right now, I owe all of them to you; you saved me in many ways that you didn't even know.
In the not so distant future…
I woke up just as the sun is starting to peak through the curtains, warming my bare back, I stretched my arms across the bed and realized you were not beside me anymore; It is unusual that you woke up before me. I immediately shot up from the bed and looked around the room. Before I start to get worried and asked where you are I hear a commotion downstairs, I hear pans being tossed and cabinets being open and some giggling and I smiled again, I started to get up and put on my clothes from the night before, I checked the clock 8:13 in the morning of January 31st, and I smiled to myself again, before noticing a note from our bedside table. I picked it and read it.
My Darling,
I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway.
And I'd choose you; in a hundred of lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I choose you.
Happy 10th anniversary my love, please come down to the kitchen when you've read this, the kids and I have a surprise for you.
I love you.
-Emily
They told me long ago that happy endings do exist, that people will eventually become endgame, but I don't believe in that, I don't believe in things that have the word "END" in it, end means a closing, a termination, finale, a goodbye. I believe in happy but not in endings, I believe in the future's uncertainty, I embraced it; future is a thing that is changeable. Tomorrow is not promised.
A story without an ending that's what we are, written by a pen that will never run dry, our tale will be hand over in every generation, will be passed on in every lifetimes, will be told by every people we touched, will live in every person we inspired.
Even fairytales that ends in "And They Live Happily Ever After", have their part 2.
So I, Paige McCullers, believes in unpredictability.
Because unpredictable can certainly be good right?
Just look at us.
.
.
.
Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you,
Well I knew we'd tell it well…
The End
A/N2: That words on the letter is originally by Kiersten White.
And the lyrics at the end are from the song Turning Page by Sleeping at Last.
So I just want to explain the "I would have said yes" line by Emily, it can be pertained to Paige's first question the "Take a chance on us again?" or the one where Paige said that "…and I would asked you to marry me", so it both can be answerable by "I would have said yes". That's it. I hope there's no confusion there.
Paily Today, Paily Tomorrow, Paily Forever!
