you've never been caught off guard

but this girl this girl

and you should hate her but her head jolts up as your shiny black shoes (you polished them yourself so he wouldnt hit you again) clack clack across the wooden floor and her eyes are so bright so bright and shiny with tears and her makeup's getting messed up and you don't care she still looks so beautiful with those dark tracks running down her cheeks and

you take a step toward her

and curse yourself

(you should hate her but you can't)

you've planted your feet but she didn't jerk backward she didn't look at you in disgust so you venture another step

and her face is so open and vulnerable

you've never seen someone else so vulnerable

except when you look in the mirror the mirror is where you practice your scowl. it's supposed to be menacing

you want to be anything but menacing now

and you step and you step and suddenly you're in front of her

you've always had such control over your body.

but you're drawn to her like a moon orbiting a planet, with no choice but to be dragged along by gravity

no- a planet orbiting the sun

because she is the sun she is so bright she is beautiful

and a gasp breaks into your mind

it came from her

because your hand is on her cheek

your hand is on-

she cradles it with her own, delicate hand

and you forget to breathe

her eyes are closed

it's like she's never been touched like this before and she's relishing in it

you can understand the feeling

doesn't matter that you're a lowly servant she doesn't

care

she wants your hand there

and you don't say anything

you're like that just the two of you

connected

for what feels like forever but it must have been only a few moments

when she blinks open her eyes, dazed, as if she had forgotten the world around her except for your hand

the hand that has-

and her eyes widen from their thoughtful, heavy-lidded study of you as you jerk your hand back

your dirty dirty hand your sinful hand should not be touching this beautiful creature

you mutter something you hope it's im sorry when you rush out of the hall and into an empty room

what just happened?

stupid stupid stupid-