you've never been caught off guard
but this girl this girl
and you should hate her but her head jolts up as your shiny black shoes (you polished them yourself so he wouldnt hit you again) clack clack across the wooden floor and her eyes are so bright so bright and shiny with tears and her makeup's getting messed up and you don't care she still looks so beautiful with those dark tracks running down her cheeks and
you take a step toward her
and curse yourself
(you should hate her but you can't)
you've planted your feet but she didn't jerk backward she didn't look at you in disgust so you venture another step
and her face is so open and vulnerable
you've never seen someone else so vulnerable
except when you look in the mirror the mirror is where you practice your scowl. it's supposed to be menacing
you want to be anything but menacing now
and you step and you step and suddenly you're in front of her
you've always had such control over your body.
but you're drawn to her like a moon orbiting a planet, with no choice but to be dragged along by gravity
no- a planet orbiting the sun
because she is the sun she is so bright she is beautiful
and a gasp breaks into your mind
it came from her
because your hand is on her cheek
your hand is on-
she cradles it with her own, delicate hand
and you forget to breathe
her eyes are closed
it's like she's never been touched like this before and she's relishing in it
you can understand the feeling
doesn't matter that you're a lowly servant she doesn't
care
she wants your hand there
and you don't say anything
you're like that just the two of you
connected
for what feels like forever but it must have been only a few moments
when she blinks open her eyes, dazed, as if she had forgotten the world around her except for your hand
the hand that has-
and her eyes widen from their thoughtful, heavy-lidded study of you as you jerk your hand back
your dirty dirty hand your sinful hand should not be touching this beautiful creature
you mutter something you hope it's im sorry when you rush out of the hall and into an empty room
what just happened?
stupid stupid stupid-
