She opened her eyes and immediately closed them. "God, why is it so bloody bright" she grumbled putting her hands over her eyes. That's when her mind was flooded with the memory of her drinking whiskey. She groaned. "Worst idea. Ever". She struggled to free herself from the quilts and sheets, noticing the lack of clothing that she wore.
"At least I drank that pirate under the table" she grumbled, trying to her hair up and essentially failing. She sighed and gave up, huffing in annoyance.
"You wish, love. You were, at best, equal." She jumped up and fell... Straight on top of the pirate, who was lying on the floor, wearing nothing but weirdly coloured boxers "Jesus Hook! Why are you on the floor?" She pushed herself off of him and groaned, lying beside him. "Would you rather me be in the bed with you?" He said, wiggling his eyebrows.
"You have a girlfriend" she told him, rising from the floor. "And you have a boyfriend. Speaking of, where is the archer?" She stared at him in the mirror and squared her jaw. "With his wife" she growled at him.
"Ah yes. Maid Marion." He mused. "That's your fault too, pirate" she said, walking into her closet to get an outfit ready.
"I told Emma that we should have left the wench. I think. I'm not really sure." She sighed, he was no help.
"Ugh, my head is pounding. All I remember is drinking cider. Then you walked in with your leather and your guyliner and you suggested shots and whiskey. What happened afterwards? How'd I get here? How'd you get here?"
"Well for your information, we drank about 3 bottles of whiskey, we did 11 shots each and you danced to 'I Wanna Know What Love Is' with Grumpy. I'm pretty sure you guys made out behind the counter of the bar." She paled. "Grumpy? I thought I had standards" she groaned
"Then what happened?" She said, brushing her teeth.
"Well, then you and Grumpy got all PG-13 on each other and the bartender kicked us out. Not before I grabbed 4 bottles of whiskey though. Then, we moved to the roof of Moe's flower shop. Then, Grumpy got sad because he started to think of his Enchanted Forrest axe. Then you insulted his nose, he insulted your hair and your eyebrows. Then you turned him into a bottle of whiskey and tried to drink him but it was empty so you used it as a microphone to sing 'A pirates life for me'. And that, my dear Queen, is when you decided to strip. You're lucky Locksley found us then because I'm pretty sure you almost got to third base with Dr. whale."
She paled at the thought of Dr. Whale seeing her out of her clothes and perked up at the mention of Robin. "Locksley, as in Robin?"
"Yeah. That's why I'm surprised that he's not here."
"Wait wait wait. Grumpy AND Whale? God, I forgot about the fact that my standards magically drop when I'm drunk. I'm just glad I never went there with you Hook"
"Oh you tried"
"...What"
"Yeah. Robin had to practically hold you back. He wasn't too happy. I'd say it's part of the reason that I'm on your floor, eh?"
"Ew"
"So then, Robin brought us here in his car. I swear, you acted like such a five year old. You didn't speak to him at all during the entire car ride"
"Well I'm sure his wife wouldn't like it if I had" she said bitterly. She didn't even have a chance to put on her outfit before there was a loud knocking on her door. She groaned and walked to the window, peeking out the curtains.
"Ew..."
"What? Who is it?"
"The Charmings"
"Oh. I mean I get it, they're my girlfriend's parents but... Ew."
She heard the knocking again and she sighed, stomping downstairs, deciding that if they wanted to see her this early in the morning, then they were really going to SEE her. She threw the door open and winced. Damn that's fucking bright. "What" she growled.
David's eyes widened and Snow paled at the lack of clothes Regina decided to wear to answer the door before plastering on a fake smile" Regina! Hey! So baby Neal's Christening is on on Saturday and we would like it if you'd come!"
Snows voice was so positively shrill, it made Regina's face scrunch up.
"Didn't you uh... Didn't you have, like, a 'thing' the other night?"
David leaned against the doorframe but then stood straight after he saw the glare Regina was sending him. Then he awkwardly rubbed the beaks of his neck."That was when we announced his name. It's the baby shower Regina! You have to go. Your his grandmother in law and-"
"I"m going to stop you right there, Mr. Snowflake. I'm like, 4 years older than your wife and I'm probably the same age as you so I will not be known as grandma to your child. Plus, I'm extra hungover right now and it's really fucking bright so you'd be better coming back, like tomorrow or more preferably Sunday"
"Regina, his christening is on Saturday. Sunday would be too late."
Regina groaned "My point exactly. Just come back later. Please"
Snow forced a smile and agreed to come back tomorrow. Then, she left, but not before she noticed the scantily clad pirate in Regina's room. She pursed her lips but decided not to say anything to David about it. She'd talk about it with Emma.
"Fucking Charmings and their fucking politeness and David's fucking staring" she muttered as she walked to her kitchen. She got out her eggs and a frying pan, making her hunger more of a priority than her clothes. She walked to her phone and switched on her favourite song of the month. 'Earned it by The Weeknd' and plugged her earphones in and put them into her ears. Just as the opening of the song rang out, she cracked the eggs in time. As the eggs fried, she belted out the words, forgetting about the pirate currently lounging in her room. She went over to her sink to wash her plate and spotted Archie walking his dog. His eyes wandered over to her and widened as the realisation finally hit that she wasn't as clothed as usual. His step faltered and he quickly walked in, rushing Pongo along, suddenly seeing something that made him want to quicken his step. She grumbled about privacy, knowing that it was completely her fault and continued singing. A flick of her hand and the blind had pulled down, covering her window.
She finished the eggs and made some bacon quickly before dishing it up onto two plates, the pirates existence popping back into her head. She slowly descended the stairs and walked into her room, finding the pirate searching around her room. His head turned so fast at the scent of food that she thought he'd given himself whiplash. "Yes" he simply muttered, accepting the plate with a grin. They sat on the bed and ate in silence.
"You are one worthy opponent of drinking though lass. I'll give you that" he muttered between bites.
"Thanks hook, you're not so bad yourself. I'm glad we're friends. I'm really not in the mood to get dressed right now. Plus, we all know you're too hot for Swan to do anything"
He nodded in agreement "and you're too stuck with Locksley to even look at another"
"True that" she said miserably, magicking up two glasses and orange juice. He graciously accepted and she poured him a glass.
"That is so fucking complicated. I don't even know what I'm going to do about that" she said, staring at the floor.
"Well, there isn't really a lot you can do. He is a man of honour, or at least he says he is and I doubt he's going to go back on his word, never mind a wedding vow." She sighed loudly and stared for a minute.
"I don't actually know where your clothes are, hook. Why aren't you wearing clothes anyway?"
"Ah. Well, you spilled quite the amount of whiskey on me last night and then you decided to show me what you'd eaten earlier that day" a giggle escaped her mouth and her hand flew to cover it.
"Oh my god Hook, I am so sorry" she laughed again and he couldn't help crack a smile.
"I'll just magic up some new ones and when I find your old ones, I'll drop them off on the Jolly Roger."
"Sounds good, lass" and with that, they finished their food and Hook stood so Regina could properly get a look at what size the clothes would have to be.
"Okay I think I've got it" she said, and with a wave of her hand, Hook was dresses head to toe in a baby pink suit with a fur scarf, a cane and a fedora. She started to cackle as he walked over to the mirror.
"Regina! What is this?"
He heard her wheezing "I think I'm going to pass out, holy crap"
She stared another moment before waving her hand again. This time, he was dressed in a dark pair of navy jeans, a black band top and the pink suit was nowhere to be seen.
"This'll do" he said, taking the dishes from her and bringing them downstairs.
She sighed and walked over to her closet and quickly put on her black skinny jeans and her baggy 'ACDC' shirt. She felt like today was a casual day. She put on her worn red converse, Henry's suggestion, did minimalistic make up and walked downstairs to find hook during her plates.
"My god, the pirate cleans!" She joked, putting the dishes away. He rolled his eyes at her and finished with he dishes
"Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it all from Emma. Speaking of, she's just called me off of her mobile device-" "phone" she corrected. "Right well, she just called me off of her phone and was wondering where I was. I told her I was with a friend, she made a jest about me having very little friends which is very untrue and then suggested we go on another date. So alas, I must leave your company, your majesty" she waved him off. "Ah sure, go on your date. Don't let me keep you late. I'll just- hold on. The lack of leather is suspicious." She walked over to the coat closet and a small 'Aha' escaped her mouth and she produced his leather jacket. He accepted the coat and walked to her front door.
"Till next time, Regina!" He called, leaving her house.
"Yeah yeah, until next time" she said quietly, walking over to her tv to watch the latest episode of Supernatural. Her poor, brave Sam.
So this is a weird little story I plan on doing whenever I can. Might be a oneshot, might be a couple chapters, might be more than a couple, who knows?
Well, keep tuned. We'll see, won't we?
