Chapter 1
Clare
School is coming once again, I don't know if it will be the rise of a nightmare or a miracle. My heart aches at the thought of Eli…my Eli…the person I love. Everything about him makes me love him, his witty behavior, his imperfection, his concern for me and Adam, and his troubled state. I want to hold his hand once again, feel those warm lips against mine but it can't happen.
In the night of the lockdown as Fitz got closer to Eli, I felt my whole world crumbling down. And when Eli slid down the wall I actually cursed at god in mind, I just couldn't understand how he would want to take away the most precious thing I have in my life. My chest felt as it had opened, and when I saw Eli hadn't been injured I wanted to fling into his arms but I didn't something in stopped me. I told him that night that I couldn't be with him if all of this continued and I probably sounded like a hypocrite saying that, it took everything I had in me to say those hard words that scratched against my throat. I know people won't understand my reasoning but I love Eli too much, I couldn't bear to see him get hurt. I don't want to be there seeing him break apart.
I m sorry Eli…I m sorry Eli…I m sorry Eli
Eli your everything to me, you were there when no one else listened, you made me laugh when tears were about to burst, and you made me live for the very first time. I don't know what to do, I want to be with you forever but I'm scared, I am scared Ill lose you. Eli you're everything to me, but I can't fix you, and I can't handle the pain of losing you.
Tomorrow awaits a new day, I don't know where it will take me, and I don't know how I'll be able to walk the same halls as you. I'd like to Morty parked in the drive way, I'd like to run and swing my arms around you but that wouldn't be appropriate for you or me.
