Dalinar had to play it cool. He was always cool. As cool as a cold rockbud vegetable; Navani always said so, anyway

Today was different. Today Dalinar was meeting Kaladin's parents. The strapping young dude had fallen his way across Alethkar to check if his "mother" and "father" were safe from the "apocalypse".

Sure, go check on them. Had either of them ever sold a priceless item to free their "son" from slavery? Probably NOT.

In his head Dalinar called them "Hellsina" and "Lierin" because it made him feel better about his competition.

Dalinar was a Dad Catch, he knew that; years of Father's Day cards from Adolin and Renarin told him that. He had one in his pocket right now for solidarity. On an impulse he whipped it out and read it.

'Hey dad,

you sir are an excellent man, and I am proud and honoured to call you my Papa.

I love you...'

A cute drawing of Adolin and Dalinar holding hands and destroying baddies together with their shardblades followed the touching message. The whole card was covered in love hearts.

Yessssssssss, Dalinar said to himself.

He was the Man, he was the Ryshadium of Dads. He would dad these citizens into the ground.

His cloak billowed in an affirmative kind of way. The breeze that stroked his ego also brought sounds of an excited conversation with it.

" -made us all pancakes for breakfast one time... There're 1,000 of us!"

That voice was Kaladin's, telling of Dalinar's Breakfast Success. Yes, that was a good story. He'd even used his shardblade to flip the pancakes.

Dalinar turned slightly so he could see the boy walking up the slopes. He was gesturing animatedly, his two ponytails bobbing and swaying in emphasis. A tall woman accompanied him with a hairbrush in her hand, and a forearm's worth of hair ties. With them was... him, a shorter man, balding, and sporting spectacles.

"Lierin," Dalinar snarled under his breath.

The sky made an upset noise, echoing his feelings.

The man, Kaladin's "father", Dalinar supposed, looked up to where Dalinar stood. He knew he was impressively silhouetted against the sky. The Stormfather gusted around him gently, moving his cloak to devastating advantage. Lierin's spectacles flashed challengingly as he adjusted them on his nose. He managed to angle them perfectly to shine a beam of light directly into Dalinar's eyes.

Storm it... The man had won the first round.

"So guys," Kaladin said, bobbing on the balls of his feet excitedly, "I really want you all to meet! And here we are! And you're meeting!"

The boy started to glow, the stormlight brightening to punctuate his sentences.

Dalinar looked past Kaladin's brave actions and ponytails, and into his eyes. Dalinar saw desperation there, he saw hunger, he saw a raw need, and he saw love.

Dalinar was left stunned and silent. How could he have missed it? He'd been so intent on proving himself as the Alpha Dad that he'd forgotten to consider what matters most in a Dad-Off... the child.

Dalinar was reduced to gruff tears immediately and for a considerable time. He grabbed Kaladin and hugged him fiercely, whispering dad jokes into his ears periodically and laughing at them, as was only right.

Lierin and Hellsina didn't matter to him any more. This. This was what mattered.

"Welcome, friends," he sobbed to the imposters. "I'm so glad you could make it to the war!"
They all laughed and the conversation grew from there. Secretly, silently, Dalinar knew that he'd have them both on the front line before the week was out.