Pain invaded her senses like a cold chill crawling up her spine. She had unlearned her fear, she felt glassy nothingness, but out of everything the pain remained. Constant and stagnant. Her ears had turned deaf from the screaming, from the crying and she could only stare ahead at nothing. She should have been able to see the red, orange, and yellow colors dancing in her vision, but it was lost. Her eyes turned willingly blind as she laid upon the wooden boards of what was her home. She was so ready to embrace it all, to let the warmth enveloped her form and let her life be born again. In her mind she became an amazing phoenix, rising from her charred remains, but something stirred within her mind. While she was willing to let her body decay and stop its existence, she was not about to let her brother face that same pain. That was not something she could have happen. She was the older twin, and therefore it was her duty to care for her brother.
She pushed herself up with her feeble arms and her vision and sound returned to her. She could hear the agonizing screaming of the people who birthed herself and her brother. While she wished she could allow the feeling of joy take hold, she had a purpose she needed to fill out. She pushed her brother roughly and watched as he coughed and sputtered. His mint green eyes stared forward and he let out a soft scream. She frowned and tugged him to his feet and lead him to the window of the house they lived in. She roughly pushed her brother from the window and jumped out herself. She heard a sharp cry from her brother and frowned as he began to crawl from the home. She felt pain in her side, but it didn't matter. She needed to fulfil her duty as the older twin.
She pulled her feeble form upwards and dragged herself to her brother. She roughly picked up his form, supporting his weight with her own and had she been more lucid she might have realized how heavy her brother was compared to herself. She did not have time to ponder this, she had one thought in her head; get Marcus far away from the burning house.
"Maria! What about mom? Dad?" She could hear her brother sob and her vision pointed down towards him. She shook her head. The people who had sired her brother and herself no longer mattered to her, and they hadn't for a very long time. They were faceless demons that her brother idolized and she merely tolerated their presence for her dearest Marcus. He was all that mattered to her.
"Pretend we're okay and move forward." Her tone was dull and listless, but it had been that way for a very long time. She dragged her brother farther and farther from the house they once occupied; her ears could faintly pick up the quieting sounds of her captor's cries and screams. They would not survive, but she and Marcus would and that's all that mattered to her.
"I cannot take them into my home! I have six children of my own and I can barely survive as I am now! I cannot feed two more mouths!" She could hear the woman screech and she could feel the glare on her form like the heat from the sun. It was so concentrated, so filled with energy she thought she might explode, but that did not matter. Her eyes concentrated on her brother, who lay his head in her lap. She carefully brushed her hand through his hair and noted that it needed to be cut soon, otherwise it would get into his eyes. She paid no mind to her singed hair or her torn night dress. Her concentration was on her dearest Marcus. He was minutes younger than she, and at the moment he was small. She was only taller than he because females grew faster, but for not as long as boys did. Soon he would be much bigger than she, but she would still remain the older sibling.
"Auntie isn't taking us, is she Maria?" Marcus curled tighter to her form as she shook her head. The people who had spawned herself and her brother were worthless, as was the rest of their pathetic family. "No, Marcus. We are going to be put into a home, where maybe someone who cares will adopt us." She explained this so certainly, and she was positive that they would end up adopted together. Perhaps they would be in a home, with a nice young couple who had a big backyard and a puppy and maybe a kitten and she could take care of Marcus and let him grow into a decent young man. She could see it all now and the idea that they might be happy one day made her excited for what was to come.
She could see them glaring at her and she felt only giddiness. Their charred forms crawled towards her spot on the bed and she felt herself giggle softly. The sounds of their wailing was like music to her young ears. They reached forward with blackened hands, dragging their corpses up to her bed and she could only smile and grin. It was music, beautiful music to her ears and she thanked God that her dearest brother would not have to know the feeling she felt. She knew she was destined to hell for the decisions she made and the way she felt, but at least her brother would have a spot in heaven. He would be a perfect angel with beautiful white feathers and while he stayed in His Kingdom, she could look up at him every night and know he shined with the other angels. He was her little star and he would accomplish everything she wouldn't.
She had realized something the other day. Something fantastic and wonderful. The number three was the pinnacle of everything. The number three was found everywhere and it was at the center of the universe. It was at the center of her and she also realized she was the master of the universe. She also found it pathetic that the universe would choose her to be the master. Three was amazing and wonderful, but Maria, Maria was disgusting. She had become aware that she was disgusting when she had confided in her brother and told him of the night of the fire. She told him about the amazing giddiness she felt every time she remembered their screaming and pleading for help, but instead she helped him and he had called her a monster, called her disgusting.
She had been unaware that the overseer of the orphanage they occupied had heard this as well. It wasn't until the matriarch Miss Mandy had called her into her room that she realized she truly was disgusting. She was the trash of the universe, but she was also its master. That night when Miss Mandy had instilled in her the ideal she was disgusting, she did not cry out once. Every slap and hit and squeeze and tear of her skin felt like the breeze and when Miss Mandy had finished laying down the law, she returned to her brother. He had not understood and she was thankful. Her dearest Marcus did not need to know more of the cruelty of the world. He did not deserve it when his life had already been so filled with loss. Not only that, but he had to share the same appearance of his monstrous sister.
It was that night that she lay bruised and bleeding that she had decided she would take up less space. She would take up less space and she would devote herself to the number Three, but on top of it all, she would continue to make sure her angel of a brother had a devil watching his every move. It was her gift to him.
"Maria… Maria! Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Her senses had been invaded by a heavenly voice and briefly she wondered if He was gracing her with His presence. It was not He, but her dearest Marcus who woke her from her lovely slumber. Slowly she sat up and stared at Marcus with dull mint eyes.
"Can you not tell? I am always sick. I am weak, I am feeble. I grow sicker as the days move forward and I wish I could freeze time so that I would not grow weaker." She smiled at her dearest Marcus' ignorance. It was not his fault, but her own, she knew this, but she had to uphold Three, always Three.
"You don't seem weak to me." She stared at her brother with such shock and disdain. He truly believed what he said and she felt anger coil beneath her skin like a viper ready to strike upon its victim.
"Really?" She scowled as she ripped up her white blouse, showing her dearest brother the markings between her ribs. Her stark-white skin was muddied with purple bruises inflicted upon her by the matriarch of the orphanage. Miss Mandy was sure she was a demon and she was not about to deny the older woman. She was a demon, she was disgusting and gross and without Marcus or Three, she would be nothing. The universe would not even exist if not for three.
"Jesus Christ! You need help Maria!" Her brother's gaze had turned desperate and she felt her scowl deepen. She did not need help! The only help she could receive is if the creatures of the universe began to take care of themselves. They were the true cause of her decline in health, she was certain of this.
"And who shall I tell, Marcus? Miss Mandy? She is partly to blame for this." She hissed out her words with such malice as she tugged her shirt back down and stared ahead with a blank gaze. Like a few years ago her ears turned deaf and her eyes turned blind. She was unaware of her hand clawing at her thin sides until her brother ripped her hand away from her body to show her chewed down nails. She had done that to save herself the trouble and make Miss Mandy truly work to inflict the damage she pleased. Why make the job any easier for her attacker?
"What're you doing?" Her brother looked so concerned and briefly she felt her heart tremble with guilt.
"Nothing, Marcus. Why not go outside and play with the other kids? I will be fine." She smiled and her brother bought her farce as she stared on ahead blankly. Her hand wound its way back up to the spaces between her ribs and pathetically clawed at her purpled skin.
"Maria… I am being adopted, you know that, right?" She nodded her head and smiled. The news was not new to her. Miss Mandy had made sure that she and Marcus were split up and had even told her of these plans, and she saw no reason to interrupt them. Her Marcus would be happy in his new home, with people he could call actual parents and he would not have to deal with his sickly, feeble sister who was disgusting. She would only drag him down and he needed to spread his wings and fly to the heavens where he belonged. Perhaps one day she would help him to heaven before turning herself over to Hell's gates.
"Yes." She paused and stared at her brother, certain this was the last she would see of him. His hair was dark brown, almost black like her own and the same mint green eyes. His skin was tanned from time in the sun, while hers was white and ill looking. It was no wonder her brother was being adopted while she wasn't. She was sick and no one wanted broken merchandise.
"I wish I could bring you with me…" Her brother's tone sounded so wounded and she felt her lip tremble. Emotions sprang upon her like a mountain lion pouncing on its unsuspecting prey. It had been so long since she felt something other than admiration for her younger brother or the deep loathing she felt towards herself.
"You need a family, plus… We will see each other again." She smiled at her brother, feeling bad for her lie. She could not feel the guilt get to her as her brother threw his arms around her and she tensed. She was not use to being touched, it was a foreign feeling and attempting to understand it was like trying to understand another language.
"I will miss you." Her brother slowly and reluctantly let go of her and headed out of her life forever. Once she was sure he was gone, she let out a sob and curled up on her bed. She would never see him again, this she was sure of.
