This story is dedicated to my dear friend, Peyton, wherever you are. I miss you a lot and hope things have gotten better for you. Nyo!Sweden is her favorite character, so princessAppleline0011 and I thought to make this fic just for her! This one's for you, Peyton!
I also know that some of my dear readers struggle with things like depression and anorexia and unfortunate things like that. If you do, I am sorry and I hope that one day you get better. Things like that are hard and I can understand, having personally struggled with both in my life. If you have ever struggled with anything like that, this fic is for you too!
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Peyton sat back on the couch in her friend Nova's living room. She pulled her legs to her chest and hugged her knees as tears streamed down her face. Today was just one of those days, but she didn't understand why. It was just a day of feeling sad and emotional. Some days were just like that, and she didn't understand why. Why did she have to feel this way?
"Peyton?" a female voice asked. "Peyton, are you here?" Nova Oxenstierna entered the room, her blonde hair flowing down her back. Her blue-green eyes were shown behind her wire-rimmed glasses. "Are you okay?" She frowned when Peyton nodded. "Don't lie to me, Peyton. I can see that you're not."
"Come sit with me," Peyton softly said, her brown hair falling into her blue eyes. She sighed as she leaned her head on her knees miserably. "I just can't do this. I feel like shit…"
"Why is that?" Nova asked, sitting next to Peyton. She frowned and reached to the coffee table for tissues. Her hand brought tissues to Peyton's eyes as she wiped the tears from them. "Tell me all about it, Peyton."
Peyton leaned her head on Nova's shoulder and sighed. "What's the point?" she asked, frowning. "No one ever listens anyway. And I don't even know what I'm sad about anyway. It's so stupid. I hate this!"
Nova's eyes scanned Peyton's thin body. "Peyton, have you eaten today?"
"No," Peyton softly said, closing her eyes so she wouldn't have to see Nova's look of disapproval. "I'm sorry, Nova, but I can't bring myself to eat some stupid food that's only going to make me fatter than I already am."
"Peyton, you're not fat at all," Nova sighed. "I think you're too thin, if I'm honest. You're all skin and bones, dear. I think you need to eat something. What would you like to eat? I'll make it. And I'll even eat some with you and sit with you while it settles."
Peyton made a face of disgust. "I don't know," she softly said. "Just the thought of food makes me sick. I don't know if I'd be able to keep it down even."
"Come on, Peyton," Nova said, frowning. "I'll even make something light, like chicken noodle soup. And I'll include some saltine crackers even. Those are all easy on your stomach, and I think it'll be nice."
The other girl shook her head. "No no no no no," she quickly said. "I just can't do it. Nova, please don't make me do it. Please. I can't." She sighed as she began to cry again. "I can't do it, Nova. There is nothing I can do about it. I just want to die."
"Please don't say that," Nova said, frowning. "Don't ever say that again, Peyton. I couldn't imagine a world without you. You are my best friend in the whole world." She grabbed one of Peyton's hands and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. "Why would you say something like that around me? My world would not be the same without you."
"It's an expression, Nova," Peyton sighed. "It's not like I'd actually do it."
"If you would never do it, then don't say it," Nova warned. "Don't say something unless you mean it. You're too sweet to think thoughts like that." She stroked Peyton's brunette hair and played with the purple streaks on her fingertips. "And your hair is too amazing. I would miss it and you very much."
Peyton giggled a little. "You're just saying that, Nova."
"No way," Nova insisted. "I would miss you so much, Peyton."
"You'd get over it," the other girl sighed, bringing her knees back up to her chest. "Everyone would with time. That's the way everyone is. They're sad for awhile, but they recover. Eventually the ones who pass are forgotten with time."
"You really think you'd be forgotten?" Nova asked, staring at her friend in disbelief. "You really think I would forget you with time? Well, think again, Peyton! You obviously have no idea how important you are to me!"
Peyton waved Nova's concerns off with a wave of her hand. "It'll be fine. You'll get over me, trust me on it."
"I don't like the way you're talking," Nova admitted. "It worries me. Your depression is getting worse, Peyton. Have you talked to your parents about it?"
Peyton exhaled, flapping her lips. "Why should I? They never understand anyway. They always say things like, 'You have no reason to be sad,' or 'I don't get why you can't be grateful for all the good things in life and just be happy,' and it upsets me. It's like they don't even think I'm trying at all." Tears formed in her eyes once more as her voice became more choked. "It's like they think I like to be this way! They think I like to be depressed and feel so alone and trapped in my head! They think I like thinking I'm fat so I starve myself or make myself puke after eating!" Her tears began to flow. "It's not fair, Nova! It's just not fair at all! I want it all to just stop!"
Nova hugged Peyton tightly. "If I could, I would switch places with you in a heartbeat, Peyton. I would take away everything that makes you hurt and have it hurt me instead. You've had to be strong for too long, and I hate it.
"I don't think I can be strong anymore," Peyton sobbed to Nova. "I can't do it, Nova. I just can't. It's so hard! You don't know how hard it is! You don't know what it's like to have no one who truly understands what you're going through!"
"You're right," Nova said. "I don't know what it's like. Let me in, Peyton. Let me help you carry the load. You can't do it by yourself anymore. I know you can't. Let me help you. Let me be your strength. I know that you need someone to understand you. Make me that person. Tell me things and let me help you."
Peyton shook her head. "I can't do that Nova. You'd never see me the same. You'd probably see me as a freak. You'd look at me differently and would treat me different. You wouldn't know what to say to me anymore. Things wouldn't be the same between us if you knew what truly went on in my head. If you knew how many times a day I thought about killing myself. If you saw how fat I truly think I am. If you knew how I truly saw myself."
"How do you see yourself, Peyton?" Nova asked. "If you tell me how you see yourself, I'll tell you how I see you?"
Peyton thought it over for a moment. "I can't do that," she said. "I don't want to tell you how I see me. I'll save it for another day…"
"Well no matter what, I'll still tell you how I see you, Peyton," Nova softly said. "When I see you, I see a girl hiding behind a mask. A girl who is scared to fall apart because she was raised to be strong. She doesn't want others to see how she really feels, so she pretends she doesn't really feel it until she is all alone. Then the mask just comes off and she falls apart." She looked over at Peyton. "Am I wrong?"
Peyton slowly shook her head. "You're not," she softly said. "Nova, what do I do? I'm scared to let people in. What if they use it against me? People use the weaknesses of others to their advantage, you know."
"I would never do that to you, Peyton." Nova's eyes were wide and serious. "And the people who do things like that have truly evil hearts. You can trust me. I'm your best friend, and I will never betray you like that." She snuggled Peyton closer to her. "You are more precious to me than any other friend I've ever had."
"Why is that?" Peyton asked. Her eyelids were getting heavy from crying so much. She yawned a little as she closed her eyes. "Why am I more precious?"
"Because you are the dearest and most wonderful friend I've ever had," Nova answered, voice nearly a hum as she noticed Peyton was starting to fall asleep. "You've always been the perfect and spunky you the whole time I've known you. And you've never been fake or changed. You just stayed, well, you. And I love that. No hidden surprises. Just you." She smiled softly. "You are precious. You are beautiful. You are you, Peyton."
Peyton felt her heart swelling as suppressed feelings from the past few years of being friends with Nova began to make their presence known in her mind once more. She had fallen in love with Nova after a month of knowing her, thinking that Nova was the most perfect person in the world. But she always thought that someone like Nova would never look her way, being so beautiful and perfect while Peyton was so plain and ordinary. At first, the only thing the two both had in common was that they were both Swedish. That was it. But now, was there more.
"You know, I always thought you were one of the most beautiful girls I had ever laid eyes on," Nova admitted. "Your eyes were what drew me in. They're a shade of blue that's just so captivating that I can't stop gazing into them. It's just so beautiful." She blushed even though she knew Peyton couldn't see her face. "I don't know why I'm telling you this now, of all times. And I doubt you feel this way anyway…"
"Why would you doubt that?" Peyton asked her, raising an eyebrow as she sat up and looked over at Nova. She stared at her Swedish friend for awhile. "You're the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. I'm proud to say that you're my best friend, because who wouldn't want a best friend like you. You're loyal and caring to the end. I just…" She didn't know what to say anymore as she sat back, blushing. She knew that Nova was only talkative around her and always wondered why that was. Now she knew.
"You what?" Nova asked curiously, glasses sliding down to the end of her nose.
Peyton put her hands up to the side of Nova's face and slipped her glasses off, smiling warmly at her. "This," she softly said before gently pressing her lips to Nova's.
The kiss sent Peyton's mind spiraling back to when things felt like they were going to be okay. She felt like she went flying back to happier times, back to when she was carefree and the world felt like a wonderful place. She no longer felt the hatred for the world that she felt always hated her. Her heart felt free of all the hurtful burdens that it had been carrying. She finally felt free. And that's what she finally was when she was with Nova. Free.
