Rick Castle couldn't sit still, he tried and failed to read or watch movies. He tried to get drunk, tried to do anything but replay over and over his last conversation with Kate. The writer in him immediately edited that thought. No, it was not his last conversation with her...it couldn't be. He could not accept the thought of losing Kate Beckett. For nearly four years, almost everything he did was about her, helping her, being there for her. No matter how many times Kate pushed him away...lied to him or hurt him; he loved her. "God help me, I still love her." Rick just could not find the switch to turn his feelings off and he had tried. He still cared, even after last night when he walked out on her. Kate decided that closing her mother's case was more important than him...more important than a chance for a life together.

Rick finally told Kate about his "secret". He glanced at the screen in his study. It held every piece of information he found about the death of Johanna Beckett. The screen represented a year of work by him and countless private investigators he hired. Her mother's case had cost him a lot of money and many sleepless nights...it had also cost him the life of a friend, Roy Montgomery. Rick closed his eyes, reliving the moment at Roy's funeral when he also nearly lost Kate. He remembered the flash of light, the sound of the shot; her blood...it was everywhere. As he held Kate in his arms waiting for the ambulance, Rick told Kate that he loved her but she didn't or couldn't respond. His mind recalled the endless ride to the hospital, as everyone else fought for Kate's life but he could only watch helplessly. Later in the hospital, Kate said she couldn't remember anything after the bullet hit her but he discovered later that was just another lie. Did she care for him at all?

Rick had his answer now. He reached again for a drink remembering the pain of those three long months alone as she healed, waiting for Kate to call him. She said she needed space, time to heal. She pushed him away again but Rick felt with Roy gone, it was his job to protect her. Yes, he had done all that research to protect her but selfishly he wanted to solve the case so Kate would get on with her life. So they could start over together, build a future that Rick always assumed would include him.

He put down the glass of scotch untasted. Tears prickled his eyes but he refused to let them fall. His heart did not want to accept there would be no ALWAYS. Rick dreaded the next phone call from someone at the 12th, knowing they would be telling him that Kate was badly hurt, dying or...Rick could not finish that thought. He had begged Kate to let her mother's case go; that finding her mother's killer wasn't worth her life. He was still stunned, hurt and so angry at the questions Kate hurled at him the previous night.

"Are you part of this?" "How can I trust anything you say?"

"I was trying to keep you safe...because I love you...but then you already knew that." She was remarkable and challenging but maddening. "Four years, I have been right here waiting. If you care about me at all, please don't do this."

Kate walked away, left him. She didn't care, she had never loved him. How many times did he have to be reminded of something he already knew? With a click of the mouse the information file on the screen disappeared, it was all gone, deleted. He was done!

With a bitter laugh Rick remembered it was just a few days ago he thought that the future he wanted with her was just within his reach. Kate told him she had been seeing a therapist and felt she was almost ready. Now he wondered if he misunderstood what she meant. Maybe she was trying to tell him that she wanted to finish what she started, to find who ordered her mother's death.

Rick once thought he knew Kate Beckett, what drove her, even what she was thinking. They used to be so in sync. Lately he wondered if the extraordinary woman he created only existed in his mind. There really was no Nikki. The tough, strong, brilliant and fearless warrior goddess Rick created for his books wasn't Kate. No one, no human could live up to that standard. Maybe Kate walked away because she was just tired of trying. Maybe he forced her to go, to complete an impossible quest that would kill her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Walking to open it, he hoped that Alexis changed her mind and came home early to celebrate her graduation with him. His smile disappeared when he opened the door to find a very wet Katherine Beckett standing on his doorstep.

"What do you want, Beckett?" If he was angry and confused before she came to his door, it was nothing to his shocked reaction to her answer.

"You!" Suddenly Kate rushed forward and pulled him into a kiss.

So many emotions raced through him at light speed: anger and disbelief battled his desire for her, the hope for a life together. Happiness was stepped on by the need to hurt her, to push her away like she pushed him away. Suspicion and curiosity were nearly beaten down by his smug acknowledgement that she chose him, she couldn't live without him. Rick's ego resented that Kate could just walk in and make his heart pound in love and need, so he tried to pull away. Kate's arms remained firmly around his neck. Rick's breathing was as ragged as his emotions, so he did not dare look at her.

"I am sorry, I am so sorry, Castle." Kate repeated it over and over as she showered kisses on his shoulder, neck, ear, jaw and lips.

Rick felt himself weakening. No, she can't just expect him to forgive and forget everything that had happened. He pulled her arms from around his neck and held her at arm's length. "What happened?"

"He got away but I didn't care...I almost died but all I could think about is you. I just want you." Kate looked into his eyes for the first time and saw the pain she put there. Then she remembered the cold lifeless eyes of her assassin, Cole Maddox. Everyone she had ever cared for told to let her mom's case go but it wasn't until she looked into her killer's eyes that she knew she had to let it go or die. Kate wanted to live; she wanted a life with Rick. She was done with the past; she wanted a future with the man she loved. Now she just hoped that he would give her another chance. Kate wished she had the right words to explain but Rick was the wordsmith, so she tried to pour all her love and her need for one more chance into her eyes.

Rick finally looked into Kate's eyes and was surprised to see love and need for him. All her emotions were there, nothing held back. No more walls. Doubt and fear of being hurt again made him hesitate for just a moment but he had never been any good at say no to a woman, any woman...he knew saying no to Kate wasn't an option. He could make mental excuses all day long but the bottom line was that this is the woman he loved. He could no more push her away than he could live without her. He grabbed Kate roughly pushing her against his door, which shut with the force, as his lips crashed into her. All the emotions he felt poured into the kiss. Her lips joined into the battle for dominance until air became a necessity. Her forehead rested against his as they both gulped in air. Rick's fingers reached for the top button of her blouse, the material was wet and his hands weren't steady. He struggled not to rip the shirt off her. One by one the buttons opened until the dark pink scar was visible between her breasts.

"Kate!" Rick raised one finger to trace the mark but hesitated. Kate covered his larger hand with hers and pressed them both over the scar. Rick closed his eyes as his fingers felt the puckered skin from the bullet. He said her name again. "Kate!" It was a whisper and a prayer. He opened his eyes and saw love, trust and need in her eyes. They both leaned in to meet in a gentle kiss. Kate reached for his hand, as their fingers twined together; she led him towards his study and his bedroom just beyond it. Kate finished unbuttoning her shirt one handed as they arrived in his bedroom. Rick reached to undo the buttons at her wrists and helped her peel off the wet garment.

"Oh God, Kate." He saw bruises on her throat and arms. "What did that bastard do to you?"

"Tomorrow." Kate reached up to unbutton his shirt but Rick stopped her.

"Kate, tell me what happened!"

"Tomorrow, Rick. Please!"

Rick reluctantly nodded reaching to help her remove her pants but there were more bruises, they were everywhere.

He stepped back afraid to touch her. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I need you." He gently kissed each mark as they sat on the edge of his bed. Kneeling down, he helped remove her wet socks and shoes.

"Kate, your feet are like ice." Before she could say another word, he turned to walk away. "You need to get warm and a hot bath will help those bruises."

She heard the water being turned on but decided that a bath could wait. She walked over to him trying to look as sultry as possible. "I want you, now."

Kate thought her plan worked as Rick scooped her into his arms but he turned to walk into the bathroom, not the bedroom. "Bath now, me later."

He gently deposited her into a huge whirlpool tub that was only half full but filling rapidly. Kneeling beside the tub, Rick soaked a sponge and squeezed the hot water onto her neck, arms and back. Turning away to play with a series of buttons, the whirlpool jets sprung into life. The water felt so good but Kate had never been very good at waiting. She reached over and began to unbutton his shirt. "Kate, will you behave! You are making it dammed hard to do the right thing here."

"What happened to bad boy, Rick? Can he come out to play? We can share the tub."

"Screw it!" Rick was stripped in a flash and stepped into the tub behind her.

Kate quickly flipped over to stretch out on top of him. "Oops, I think I splashed some water on the floor."

Rick reached for a hand held remote, the water turned off and the intensity of the jets decreased. He smiled at her for the first time. "It's OK, I know the owner."

He resumed kissing her and the bruises, one by one. Rick started to reach for the sponge again but Kate straddled him and placed his hands on her breasts. Rick leaned forward to kiss her scar as he felt himself slowly enter her.