So. i was Realllly in a mood yesterday. still kinda am, but whatever. hahaha =)
so, this is what came out of my terrible day(: hope you enjoy :D


Giving Up.

She looked at the articles about her dress. Was it possible to be on the Best Dressed and Worst Dressed list? Apparently. She glanced over to her gown that was now neatly in the corner, all wrapped up and dry-cleaned. She loved the dress, and that's all that should matter. But it wasn't. Those lists did affect her, because no matter how high you get, hate won't go away, and that just didn't seem fair to her.

She was hunched? Well wouldn't they be hunched if they went online to read every imperfection about them pointed out? Or people who wanted to murder her. She knew that someone out there had a bullet with her name on it. A bullet that was ready to hit her at any given moment. A bullet that she wouldn't be able to prevent.

Or maybe she lost all that perfect-posture-confidence when she was being compared to Selena. When people called her fat and nasty once they saw those pictures. When she was being criticized for making a new friend. When she found out the guy that had been flirting with her, kissing her, and – most importantly – acting like her boyfriend had decided she wasn't worth asking out.

But most of all, maybe – just maybe – she lost that confidence when she became broken.

She may seem strong, but those smiles? They're fake.

The loud, somewhat obnoxious yet contagious giggles? Forced.

Better – her seemingly always happy, bubbly personality? I wasn't even her anymore.

But no one seemed to see that. No one seemed to look past those stupid laughs, teeth-showing smiles, and personality long enough to see that she changed. She wasn't the twelve year old she came into Hollywood as. Now, she was depressed. She was this teenage girl who was destroyed already. She didn't want to love, she didn't want a relationship, and she didn't need friends. She didn't even believe in God anymore, because nothing she did would have made her deserve to suffer this much. She didn't depend on anyone anymore. People leave. But most of all, she didn't want to do this any longer.

She isolated herself, and in private, she was quiet now. She didn't talk to any of her friends as much anymore and it was rare to see her genuinely excited. All of that was gone. It was trapped in the past. It was almost as if she was dead. Maybe on the outside she felt alive, but on the inside she was so low she couldn't feel anything at all anymore. There were no such things as feelings. When she thought back on memories, she didn't even recognize herself. It had to be someone else, because she knew that she wasn't able to smile that much and mean it. She didn't understand how she had come to being this fragile, but she knew that now there wasn't a way out.

She sighed, throwing her cell phone at the wall. She needed some escape. Something else to be ruined with her. It shattered, falling to the floor as the tears that she had been holding it for the past year came pouring out. She couldn't pretend any longer. She was about to burst.

She didn't want this anymore. She didn't want fame or love or sympathy. All she wanted was to go find a nice, isolated house without an address or telephone. Without any way of reaching her.

They all said she wasn't a quitter, and that pushed her to keep playing. But now she was finally realizing that she couldn't play any longer.

Because they were W R O N G.

She saw now that she was a quitter.

And she was ready to finally turn in her jersey, and just give up.

Review?