It's been exactly a
year now, and I still hate him. Not for what he did, but because
I thought he'd gotten over that. I guess I'm a little more sentimental
than I used to be, as sickening as it sounds.
Quatre's slowly getting
back to himself, although sometimes when it's really late and I'm visiting
I'll see some of the pain come back. He's a lot stronger than any
of us gave him credit, but I don't think he'll ever truly become the Quatre
we knew back then.
Duo took it hard as
well, but he hid it behind that clown mask of his, like always.
Trowa Barton took
the easy way out of life, and none of us can ever forgive him for it.
I should have seen it coming, especially after Catherine's accident. When
she was gone he slowly began to slip away again. Quatre was there
for him, but he was forced to stay and work at the Winner Foundation until
late hours. I visited sometimes, when I wasn't working myself.
Even now it doesn't make that much sense why he suddenly had gone on an
unneeded mission and hadn't returned.
I guess I remember
that the clearest, watching Trowa leave in the Heavyarms and then going
off to bed only to be awakened by Quatre's screaming. It took Duo
and I a full hour to calm him down enough to make sense. Through all the
tears I guess I didn't need to have him explain the event, I already knew
it. Quatre has a 6th sense, and some of it must have been rubbing
off on me when I wasn't paying attention.
The mission was easy.
He was supposed to shoot down a few buildings and then get out. But
he had changed the plans himself, and hadn't lived through them.
I never told anyone
but Quatre had been a large influence on me.. if you've never met him he's
like one of those little puppies that you can't turn away because they
can give one-way tickets to guilt trips. During our time in the Cinq
Kingdom he became my confidante, and he still is. He's never realized
it, but Quatre's the first person I ever called a partner outright.
He was always completely honest with me, and vice versa. Maybe that's
why I hate Trowa so much now, because of the pain he put him in.
They had something deep although neither ever talked about it.
After Trowa had died,
Quatre had suddenly gone into some type of shock, he'd simply stare out
the window with a ghostly expression, the brightness in his eyes gone.
Afterwards he'd work overtime, but would always come back and look at me
with those strange eyes.
Duo was a lot stronger
through the entire time, although I could tell that he'd been shaken inside
as well. He didn't know Trowa well, in fact I think he still holds
a grudge against him, but who knows with Duo. I hide it, but I worry
about him sometimes.. the way he fights in his Gundam is downright brutal,
he turns into a true Shingami during a battle. Out of all of us,
he's the most dangerous and worst to cross, but that dangerous person is
hidden behind the facade of a comedian. He tries to keep everything
lighthearted when the world around him is falling down.
After Trowa had died,
he had become quiet and dark, finally taking off the joker's mask he had
on for so long. Instead of crying, he went and took out the entire
base and everything in it, only to come back with a smile. Even I
worry sometimes about him, and deep inside I hope the mask stays off forever
and Duo begins to heal.
As for me, well I just
got angry. During the little bit of time I'd known Trowa Barton I
had regarded him as a fellow soldier and we both respected each other.
After the war was over, I expected him to begin to turn into a real person.
He and I were a lot more alike than people realized, except he didn't have
an insane woman chasing after him all the time.
I'm not saying that
I have anything against Relena Dorlian, because I don't. After Trowa
died, she constantly came by to deliver some lunch or take me out for some
coffee or something to get my mind off it. I think she's finally
beginning to understand that I'm not ready for a relationship, but we've
supported each other through a lot lately.
Great. I'm getting
emotional again. Lately my title as 'The Perfect Soldier' has been
in danger. It doesn't help that today I'm standing in the middle
of a graveyard underneath a tree.
2 years ago, I wouldn't
have been there, but now I was simply standing with a grim look on my face.
Quatre was staring
silently at the ground, speaking gentle Arabic in a sing song tone.
He hardly ever sings but he has a nice voice.. both he and Duo have good
vocals.
"Heero?"
"Hm?"
"Just wondering if
you're still here.." Quatre stared blankly at the tombstone.
"It's peaceful here.."
"Yeah."
"It's funny.."
Quatre managed a weakened smile but I could see a slight tear on his face.
"It's almost like Trowa never left us. Like I can hear him now."
The baka had left
with no warnings or last words. I don't think I could ever forgive
him.. "Then what does he say?"
"He says, 'I'm proud
of you'.."
Quatre blinked and
held back another tear as he slowly reached down and set two white lilies
against the grey stone. He slipped back to where the car was waiting,
it was odd, I couldn't hear Duo's loud music echoing through the air.
"You know he's too
kind." I muttered as I stared at the name. "I don't understand
why you did this, but..I hope you're at peace."
The wind rustled slightly
and I heard a bird chirp in the tree. Turning away, I walked back
to the car and saw Duo waiting restlessly while Quatre was simply staring.
I stepped inside the backseat and forced myself to return to my calm demeanor.
"Where to sirs?"
Duo joked. "Something to eat?"
"Yeah." I replied.
"That would be good."
***********************
End