The Adventures of Konan!
Konan goes around Akatsuki one day and stirs up a bit of trouble for all the homosexuals in the group.
Disclaimer: I don't own! This is pretty much crack, btw. I just love the characters.
Hi, my name is Konan and I am a fag-hag. I say that because I am about 200% sure I am, at this moment, living with 8 homosexual males. Well... I'm not entirely sure about Zetsu and Tobi, but after today I'm going to make sure everything is out in the open! See, today I am bored. As hell. When I get this bored, I try and find something entertaining to do. As there is obviously nothing more entertaining than YAOI, I settled on that.
Ok, I'm lying. The reason this has suddenly come up for me is because of what I witnessed last week; Deidara, nude.
Now, I really hope no one gets pissed at me about this, but until I saw Deidara changing after taking a shower, I had absolutely no idea he was a guy.
No, seriously. I'm not kidding.
The boy looks more like a girl than I do! Sure his voice is a little like a guys but I just thought she- erm he was trying to fit in! I had no clue it was because he had a penis! Anyway, after I discovered this shocking fact a lot of pieces of the puzzle started fitting into place in my mind. I had always wondered what Deidara and Sasori's relationship was even before I knew he was a guy. Now that I know, it all gets a LOT more interesting! The first thing that popped into my mind when I was thinking about all of this was a flashback to about the second month Deidara had been in Akatsuki:
I was making me and Nagato breakfast when Hidan came in. He was wearing barely anything as usual but I ignored it. I had always thought the rest of the guys in the gang didn't think of me as a girl because I was on the team with them- now I'm thinking differently. Anyway, next thing I know, Sasori walked in looking awfully cheerful. Which, for him, is really saying something.
He wasn't smiling, but he might as well have been glowing. Deidara on the other hand, looked a mess as he followed Sasori into the living room which connects the kitchen. I offered Deidara some coffee, thinking he(she, back then) just had a hangover or something. He took it and made a slight effort to smile. I then noticed Hidan getting an awfully playful glint in his creepy pink eyes. Calling the glint playful is the nicest thing to call it. It was actually more like a disturbing/terrifying glint, but that's besides the point.
Deidara then walked over to sit in a chair next to Hidan. Just as he was about to sit- Hidan pulled the chair out from under him.
Deidara fell onto the floor with a crash, landing perfectly on his ass. His bright blue eyes shot open and he yelped. Hidan began laughing as Deidara teared up and started yelling curses at him. Sasori pretended not to see them as Deidara stood up and Hidan said,
"Don't act like such a little girl, damn."
Suddenly Kakuzu was all tall looming over Hidan. Hidan kind of stopped laughing as Kakuzu said,
"Yeah, like you've never suffered from 'back-aches.' Idiot."
"Asshole!" Hidan growled as he stalked back into his room to go sacrifice a goat or something. Deidara was still a little moist eyed as he went over to Sasori and pouted. It may have just been my imagination, but I thought I heard Sasori mutter,
"It's ok. I'll get him back later, don't worry."
All I know is that for the next 2 weeks, any time Hidan tried to sit down, Sasori's little puppet strings were pulling the chair right from under him. Those were an amusing 2 weeks, I admit.
Ok, ok. So do you get it now? Why I would think the people I'm living with might be gay? Not just Sasori and Deidara but Hidan and Kakuzu too! Besides, I haven't even gotten started on Kisame and Itachi.
As for Itachi's sexuality, I'm am definitely positive on. He is gay. There is no way in hell he could be that feminine and fucking anal and NOT be gay. He is gay. The strange thing is Kisame. See, Itachi is good looking. And I mean not general decent looking, I mean really, really, really good looking. He's kind of like a demon or something with those red eyes. A sexy demon, definitely.
But Kisame... well, he is not very good looking. Not at all, actually. I don't really even know how someone who is probably part shark or something could even be good looking. Kisame is really just kind of old and scruffy and rough. The complete opposite of perfect little Itachi Uchiha. Which begs the question, why would they be together? With Itachi's good looks, well he could have anyone he wanted, I'm sure of it! So why settle on someone like Kisame? That's one of the questions I plan on finding the answer to today.
Don't get me wrong, being old and everything isn't bad. I mean, Kakuzu is like, 99 or something. He just seems to pull it off better than Kisame. Even when Kakuzu has his mask off he still looks decent. He just looks dangerous and brave with all his scars. Kisame just looks... well terrifying. A bit like how Nagato looks these days, actually...
Never mind Nagato though! I'm trying to figure out everyone else! So, I decided when I woke up this morning that I would start with what I think will be easiest; Sasori and Deidara.
So here's the deal, for the past few months Nagato has been telling everyone to lay low. He says that we should focus on monetary gain as opposed to actually capturing jinchuriki. I don't think this was a very good plan, especially considering who exactly he was telling to "lay low".
I am mostly referring to Hidan. The man is a giant beacon of loud, attention-grabbing energy. It's like he has a huge sign that says, "LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!" above his head. After only about 10 instances where his loud moron-ness nearly got us in big trouble, Nagato decided he would be staying inside the headquarters until it was time for us to reveal ourselves to the world. Of course, this did not please the obnoxious idiot, and he complained. Loudly.
In the end, his complaints were disregarded and it was decided that we would all be staying firmly inside headquarters until Nagato deemed it time to show ourselves.
By the way, this was only a rule, that does not mean that anyone actually followed it. While Nagato can be in at least 6 places at once, that doesn't mean he can actually stop 8 highly skilled criminals from somehow getting around him and leaving our base of operations.
Right now in fact, all of Akatsuki seemed to have vanished right beneath his nose, and it did put him in a bit of a bad mood. He could tell instantly that no one was there because there was no arguing, cursing, explosions, strange smells, or Tobi's laughter to be heard.
"Konan," Pain turned to me as I sat on the couch folding paper, "How do they get out?"
I just shrug and resume what I am doing.
"I need you to go out and find them."
Really? Perfect! This is the perfect way to catch them doing something. I have not forgotten about my plan. Time to put it in action!
Yesterday I bought a diary, and I'm going to record the things that happen in that. Well, I'm off to go track down all those ridiculous criminals and see if anything funny comes out of it!
Here I go!
Konan, off on another whirl-wind adventure! Er... for the first time! Hee hee!
I know this chapter is short but I think the others might be longer... We'll see...
I'm hoping that the only really OOC character in this will be Konan, but since its a comedy and very crackish, everyone will prolly be at least a little OOC. Oh well, it'll still be funny.
Btw, I'm only continuing this if I get good reviews...
KeikoPanda102
