A/N: This story formed out of the need for my brain to throw up all that I was reading. Let me explain. I was reading Columbine by Dave Cullen, and with how intense it is, I had to write down all this information somewhere. Somehow that ended up being a Secret Life story. Most of the idea panned from the fact that people always spend time examining why/how it happened, and I'd rather pay attention to the effects its leaving on the victims.
That said, this story is NOT for the light-hearted. Yes, eventually it will get better and happy, but it's going to be intense for a while. Please don't think that I'm trying to judge or even remotely understand something I've been through. This story simply panned from the need to get ideas out of my brain and onto paper, or rather now the computer screen.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and hopefully chapter two will follow soon .
Ice
Chapter 1:
With A Little Poison
We Can Burn This Whole Place Down
Amy yawned as she opened her eyes. She jumped as thunder clapped and shook the house roughly. She pushed the blankets back as she sat up. Amy so didn't want to be awake right now. She wanted to be going to school even less. She'd barely gotten any sleep the night before between taking care of John and trying to get homework done. On top of that, her mother seemed to have no problem reminding her almost every half hour that she needed to get 'that baby' on a regular sleeping schedule.
She felt so worthless to her mother these days. She constantly yelled at her and even when Amy did so much good, Anne could always find something she did wrong.
Amy bit her bottom lip as she stepped out into the hall, brushing past her sister quickly, and stepping into the nursery. John's wailing quickly calmed to a whimper as he clenched and opened his fists repeatedly Amy, signifying that he wanted to be picked up. She lifted him from the crib and shushed him as she held him close to her. It felt like he was the only one who wouldn't judge her lately, and as much as caring for him drove her nuts lately, she'd rather be around him than be with her family. Ashley had become the perfect child and she was just the red-headed step child now. She felt worthless.
Amy walked over to the changing table and settled John on it, keeping one hand on him as she opened the drawers, pulling out a clean diaper and a fresh onesie. John fussed with her at the sight of them, but laid down regardless when she settled him on his back. She quickly changed him and then walked to the closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweater.
Her alarm clock started beeping in the next room and she groaned, knowing she'd be hearing from her mother in just a few minutes because she wasn't in there to shut it off. A knock at the door became her saviour as she spun around, seeing an already fully-clothed but soaking wet Ricky. He smiled as he sheathed his jacket off and settled it on the back of the door. "I'll take care of him. I think you have enough time to grab a shower and breakfast before we go."
Amy gave a heavy sigh as she passed the clothes off to Ricky and kissed Johns head. "Thank you so much. I really need one." She kissed Ricky's cheek chastely and then ran from the room. Ricky just laughed as she dashed into the bathroom. Moments later, he heard water running.
---------
Twenty-eight days to kick a habit
Twenty-eight days to let you go
--------
Amy was quick in the shower. She'd learned within days after John was born that she didn't have much time to spend doing things for herself before he would interrupt her.
She ran the towel against her head once more, fluffing her hair lightly with it before setting it into the basket on the floor. She walked over to the vanity, quickly brushing through her hair. It was so thick that it all fell into place where it wanted to; even her own hair wouldn't let her have a say in her life. She quickly brushed it, managing to get the tangles out rather quickly, and then she clipped her hair up, leaving her bangs swept to the side as she usually did.
Amy slipped off her robe, yanking a pair of jeans off her bed and jumping into them, buttoning them in record time. "What am I doing rushing myself? Ricky's with John..."
She smiled to herself as she realized she actually had time to get ready without rushing this morning. She leaned forward and grabbed a white tanktop off of it. She was definitely testing fate by deciding to wear it today, but she loved the shirt and even baby vomit was not going to stop her today. Once she had the shirt on, Amy walked over to the closet and pushed aside several shirts before she found a gray Roxy sweater. She pushed her arms into it and zipped the front.
Amy walked over to the vanity again and quickly applied a little bit of makeup before running back to her bed and stuffing everything into her purse.
She barely made it downstairs before her mother slammed into her, who barely missed a beat before starting in on her. "Take care of your son, Amy."
Amy gulped, looking over and seeing John on the table in his carseat. "Wha-...Ricky was here. He was going to take John to the nursery and-"
Anne shook her head. "No. You know he's not allowed in this house. Not since-"
Amy screamed, unable to hold it back any longer. She knew she shouldn't have, but she couldn't stand shoving it all down anymore. "Shut. Up! Ever since Bob got out of jail and beat him up in school, you've acted like all he's going to do is cause trouble, but he hasn't done a SINGLE thing to anyone here! Everyone has been safe, everyone at the nursery has been watching John like a hawk; they know to call me or Ricky if Bob shows up there. But you still treat him like he poison! You, you even treat me like all I'm going to do is damage everyone in this house! You yell at me every time I do the smallest thing wrong, you blame me for things that Ashley doesn't do but is supposed to, or doesn't get to right away. Its like...I don't know mom. Maybe I should just leave."
Anne sighed, appearing to be actually listening to Amy. "I'm sorry. Your father and I are just very worried about keeping you girls and John safe. We know there's a high possibility that Ricky isn't right now because of Bob and we don't want the two of you hurt because of it."
Amy groaned. "But he cares, mom. About me and John and he wants us to be safe too. All he was going to do was drop John off at the nursery with me and then drive me to school." She ran a hand through her bangs, brushing them out of her face; they'd fallen when she bumped into Anne.
"Well your father will make sure you get to school. Have Ricky take John to the nursery when you get there. I don't have time this morning," Anne excused, stepping past Amy.
Amy bit her bottom lip, shaking her head once her mother was out of the room. She walked over to the counter, tucking John's blanket tightly around him before she pulled the carseat cover down over him, leaving only the small window over his face uncovered. He peaked up at her only for a moment before closing his eyes again, apparently going back to sleep. Amy smiled and lifted the carrying lever, pulling him off the table once it was up. Hopefully she wouldn't have to wait too long for Ashley and George to be ready to go.
-----------------
Slow it all down, the damage is done
Play the music loud, don't make a sound
-------------------
Amy wiped a tear off her cheek as she set John's car seat down on the floor. The entire drive to school, George had been yelling at her for losing it on her mother. Once they'd arrived at school, she didn't dare say anything about taking John to the nursery. She didn't want to be anywhere near her family right now.
Mere minutes after she'd gotten out of the car though, her heart had jumped into her throat. John hadn't been to school with her ever since he was born and she didn't like exposing herself or him to this much attention. Ricky was nowhere to be found, even though she'd been texting him the entire ride to the school, and trying to call him once she'd arrived. Still, she hadn't seen him anywhere on campus, and his phone just continued to ring and ring until it went to voicemail.
Amy walked over to the piano bench, sitting down on it as she wiped another tear away. She didn't want to have John here with her, and now she was probably either going to end up having Ricky take her home for the day, or to work.
The bell rang loudly and she bit harder on her lip. Great, now she was going to miss class and would have to pray that Ricky actually answered his phone. She texted him once again, asking where he was...
----------
While I thought somehow, this hate would heal me
But this hate is never ending, and its only killing me…
----------
Ricky was barely outside of Dr. Bink's office before his phone buzzed once again in his pocket. It had taken all he could to fight her off without actually hitting her. He'd known the moment he met her that he couldn't trust her. Something about her had just sent a shiver down his spine and reminded him of Bob.
The bells chimed, signaling that it was time for class to start, but he pulled his phone from his pocket instead. Everyone ran past him, several people even knocking into him and shoving him aside in order to get to their homerooms on time. In the midst of it, he was knocked backwards, and someone swinging open their locker, hit him in the face. No words were exchanged though. The girl simply closed her locker and walked away.
He lifted a hand to his face, feeling for blood. There was only a small trace of it, and he ignored it as he headed for the music hallway. Lockers and doors still slammed as he read the text message on his phone.
My parents flipped on me again. Where are you? John's here with me. Piano room.
Ricky groaned, rubbing his eyes as he turned the corner to the music hallway. He really didn't want to go back to the counseling office, but Amy would want him to when she saw his face.
Several teachers glared at him as he walked past the rooms, and rolled their eyes even though he flashed the yellow slip that signified he would be running late to class. The next few seconds ticked by faster than he could think as they happened.
First, a door slammed somewhere behind him, and he heard his name echo down the hall, reaching his ears about the same time as two ear-splitting sounds did. A scream escaped him as it felt like knives hit him; first in his right shoulder, and then in his back, right below his neck.
Doors flew open and people screamed as teachers saw the bullet shells, and Ricky laid out on the floor. Still, no one was in the hallway to help him or even move him. Doors slammed shut just seconds later and as he finally turned to look up, Bob was hovering over him, holding a gun to his head.
"Why can't you just ever stop," Ricky gasped for breath, wincing at Bob's knee on his wrist.
"Why can't you ever just die," he retorted. Ricky squeezed his eyes shut as the gun fired again. His throat knotted as he felt the piercing pain in his knee, but his entire body buckled as he felt the stabbing pain in his chest, and then his wrist. He felt like he was drowning in his own body, and every movement hurt. He felt like things were fading around him; everything hurt too much to care about anything else…
-----
When there was nowhere
Left to hide, I found out
That nothing's real here,
But I won't stop now
Until I find a better part of me
----
The halls were filled with students running back and forth, screaming and shoving each other aside so they could get out. Three glass doors that blocked the entrance to the main doors had been broken after everyone had run in havoc.
However, inside the band room, Amy still had no idea what was going on outside. She'd been inside the room the entire time with John, and although things got loud for a few minutes, but they'd quieted back down just as fast. She knew nothing of what was going on outside that room; she didn't want to expose herself to that many people surrounding her with her son. Even at the nursery, there weren't that many people around them together.
She'd tried texting Ricky several times, but still she'd gotten no answer. It almost infuriated her that he hadn't at least tried to call her.
A knock at the door brought her out of her thought process, but she was nervous about answering it.
"Amy, its Ben. Open up."
She gulped, shaking her head at herself and walked over to the door and opened it lightly. Ben pushed her back, quickly shutting the door behind him. Amy scowled, walking over to John and picking him up out of his car seat. "What the hell, Ben?"
He dropped against the door, breathing out a heavy sigh. "Sorry. Its chaos out there."
Amy raised an eyebrow at him. "What're you talking about? Class is in session."
Ben shook his head. "No, its not… Wait, why is John here?"
Amy shrugged, growing more confused by the minute. "There was a fight at home this morning so I need Ricky to take him to the daycare and take me home. What do you mean class isn't going on?"
Ben gulped, looking down at the floor. "Maybe I shouldn't be the one to tell you-"
Amy shook her head, walking over to him and lifting his head up to make him look at her. "Tell me what? What's going on out there?"
Ben shrugged slightly. "I don't know, really. I guess some people heard some pops and the school's on lockdown. The school's pretty much empty but anyone inside isn't getting out, and no one has come in."
Amy bit her bottom lip, trying to understand all that was going on. "What…Are you saying someone out there has a gun?"
Ben looked down at the floor again. "I'm saying I don't know. Some people said Ricky was in the hall before, but he's not now."
Amy tried to control all the thoughts running through her head, but it was all too much to take in, and she began gasping for air, shaking as the tears burned in her eyes. It wasn't bad enough that Bob was trying to kill Ricky every day of the week, now someone in school had a gun?
"Try to breathe Amy. We'll find him. We'll think of something," Ben promised.
Amy shook her head, holding John tightly against her chest as sobs rattled through her. "I can't…lose him. We just… started working things…out," she gasped after each word, not sure she could actually get it together, let alone keep it together.
Before Ben could say anything else, the door handle jiggled again. He spun around quickly, nervous about leaving Amy alone. Then again, it might be someone who was hurt. "I'm not going anywhere, I just… Someone might be hurt."
Amy shook her head, grabbing his arm. "It could be someone with a gun. Don't answer it."
A knock followed the shaking of the door handle, and then muffled talking. "It's Adrian. Please open the door, Grace is hurt."
Amy shook her head still, clinging to Ben. "Adrian hates me. She could be lying," she whispered harshly.
Ben sighed heavily. "Amy, just let me check. I promise I'll slam the door if she has a gun," he whispered just as softly. Amy was tentative to let him go, but she did, and Ben stood, walking over to the door. He opened it slowly, and then threw it open as he saw Grace hanging off of Adrian. He helped Adrian get Grace into the room, and then turned to look out the room. "Did you lock the door?"
Adrian shook her head. "No, I was trying to get Grace inside. I didn't get a chance."
Ben huffed and ran out of the room, into the main band room. Just as he reached the door, it flew open. He ran backwards, about ready to shut the door to the practice room when he realized it was Jack and Ricky.
"I told you to let me go. I can walk fine!"
"What kind of joke is that?! You got shot in the leg."
Amy ran out of the practice room, practically dropping John into Ben's arms as she ran up to Ricky, clinging tightly to him.
"Ow, Amy, ow." His whimpers were strangled as he dropped his weight against her, though Jack tried to hold him up. Ben locked the door behind them once again, and took over for Jack, so that he could check on Grace.
Adrian walked into the room in the meantime, and helped Ben and Amy to lower Ricky to the floor. Amy ran from the room, back into the practice room before anyone could say anything else. She slammed the door behind her and locked it, dropping to the floor in tears.
Grace lifted her head off of Jack's shoulder, seeing Amy in front of them. "What happened?" She gaped as she saw all the blood soaked on Amy's clothes. "Amy, what happened." Grace pushed herself away from Jack, making him let go of her hand. She walked over to the door where Amy was sitting, and sat down next to her. "What happened?"
Amy finally looked up, her teeth practically imbedded in her lip as her chin trembled. "R-Ricky. I do-don't know what happened. He go-… I don't know," she shook her head as another round of sobs broke through her.
Grace wrapped an arm around Amy, hugging her. "It'll be okay. But if we're going to get through today, you have to calm down."
Amy shook her head, resting it against Grace's shoulder. "I don't know if I can."
Grace shook her head. "You have to. Now c'mon. Do you have any extra clothes? In your cubby or in John's bag?"
Amy nodded, standing and walking over to her backpack. She unclipped the two buckles and flipped the cover over, pulling out a pair of leggings and a mini dress. "I um, I think Mr. Sedlack keeps a first-aid kit in that closet, Jack." Amy spoke quickly, crossing the room so she could change. Grace hopped over and used one of John's blankets to sheild Jack's view, though Amy considered it futile. It was only a baby blanket, and there was no way he wasn't able to see something.
She quickly yanked her jeans off and slipped into the leggings she'd put in her bag weeks ago. Afterwards, she slipped off her sweater and then her tank top, and tossed them over Grace, onto the piano. She then quickly pulled the dress over her head and straightened it, brushing her hands over it reactively. Grace folded up John's blanket then, and handed it to Amy. Amy settled the blanket on the table as well, reaching into her bag and pulling out her yellow cardigan. She yanked it on and buttoned the first few before she folded up her jeans and stuffed them inside of her bag.
"Why a dress," Grace asked as she leaned against the piano.
Amy shrugged, looking up at Grace, and finally seeing why she was hurt. She had a cut on her head, and on her knee, and various bruises on her body. "It fits easier into my bag. Jeans, a sweater, and a shirt take up too much room. I put the clothes into my locker at the end of a day, and then I keep a pair in the car incase something happens at work and I have to change there."
Grace nodded. Realizing that Amy was looking at the cuts she explained. "Everyone was pushing each other to get out of the school, and I got pushed into the doors. Everyone was running and things were getting thrown, and the door broke somehow. I fell and got cut by a lot of glass. Everytime I walk it just digs in more. There's glass everywhere outside, and I'm afraid to take it out.
Amy nodded, and stepped around her, walking over to Jack. He turned around and handed her a bag. "I found gauze and antibiotic ointment in here; some bandaids, and some other things."
Amy nodded again, walking over to the door and opening it. "Okay. Thanks."
Jack nodded, turning back to the closet. "I'll keep looking and see what else I can find. Can you help Grace?"
Amy settled the bag outside the door and walked back over to Grace, helping her to hop into the band room. Grace unwrapped her arm from Amy's neck and hopped over to a chair so that Amy could grab the bag of the first-aid supplies. She walked over to where Ricky, Ben, and Adrian were sitting on the floor and settled down next to Ricky, dumping the bag out onto the floor. "We've got bandaids, gauze, antibiotic ointment, and bandaging," Amy noted as she picked through the materials. She looked up at Ben a moment later. "Mr. Sedlack keeps water and food in his office for when practices go late. Over there," she pointed to the office across the room.
Ben nodded and stood, walking out of the room. In the meantime, Amy stood and walked back into the office, digging through top drawer of the desk until she found some scissors. Ben grabbed her hand before she could walk out of the room.
"What, Ben?"
Ben smiled, letting her hand go. "I just… I wanted to say I really admire that you're trying to be strong right now. I really respect it."
Amy forced a smile, nodding. "Well thanks. But I need to get back to Ricky."
Ben nodded and handed her a few bottles of water. "So you can clean some of the blood away," he explained.
Amy took the water and thanked him again before walking back out of the room, and back over to Ricky and the girls. She kneeled down next to him again and settled the bottles of water on the floor, using the scissors to cut his jeans. Ricky seethed at the cold scissors against his skin, as well as the fact that they were touching the wound. Once Amy managed to cut the jeans enough to fully see the wound.
"Okay, call me dumb, but I don't know what to do next." Amy tried to speak clearly, but her voice shook at the reality of all that was going on right now. "I need someone to help me."
Ricky cleared his throat, grimacing as he tried to straighten up. "You have to clean away the blood first."
Amy bit her bottom lip as she looked up at him. "Don't strain yourself. You need to rest."
Ricky shook his head, though it pained him. "I'm the only person in this room whose dealt with gunshot wounds. I'm the only person whose waited weeks for stitches. I'm the only person that can help you with this. I don't care if it's my body. I know how to properly care for a fatal wound."
Amy dropped the scissors as the word fatal hit her ears. She couldn't handle the idea of discussing this when Ricky had multiple bullet wounds. "I-I need you to not…not talk about that. I ne-need to focus."
Ricky seethed from the scissors hitting his leg, but he reached up and grabbed Amy's hand anyway. He squeezed it as hard as he could, clenching his eyes shut. "Please. Just…Please. Work with me."
Amy nodded, opening one of the water bottles. "Okay. Tell me what to do…."
