***Spoiler Warning***A short story I compiled when I finished Dragon age 2. My Hawke romanced Fenris and after their first night together, he up and left her! And after, he acts like nothing happens when you talk too him in party or even when you give him gifts :( this made me Sad Panda, So I decided I would write a filler for the obvious plot hole between that night and when you continue on your journey kicking ass. Thanks for reading!(Some grammar mistakes fixed...apologies English is my second language)Thanks so much for the reviews, I appreciate you taking the time too contribute your input. I am writing a continuation on this, will update as soon as it's done.
Laughing at the silly banter being tossed across the table between her friends, Evaine Hawke, thought to herself, realizing she hadn't really smiled in a while. It was nice to just laugh and feel a little lighter. Even if the moment passed soon after. She tried to pay attention to the light hearted conversation but soon was pulled back into her own thoughts. Hawke stared into her half empty cup of ale, only mildly aware of her companions chattering around her. Varric was playing wicked grace with Isabella, Anders and Merrill.
Hawke was lost in her own musings, mulling over what had transpired last week. Varric was telling Isabella the story of the Magister they had taken down in the slaver caverns, with all the embellishments that Varric was known for. It wasn't till he got to the part where he mentioned Fenris' outburst after killing Hadriana however, that she was pulled from her reverie and payed attention to what Varric was saying. The mention of his name was like someone had just stabbed her and twisted the knife in her chest. It was so painful she almost physically buckled in her chair. She resisted the urge to let it show, they might be her friends but they didn't need to know every detail of her personal life. Especially this.
"Speaking of which" Isabella said turning to Hawke. " Any reason your Elven playmate couldn't join us? I dare say, I haven't seen him around you lately. I was starting to think you were inseparable. " Hawke hid the tension she was feeling from Isabella's prodding behind her usual uncaring nature. She just lifted her head too meet her gaze with a nonchalance and put her chin on her palm pulling a pouting face.
"No reason I know of, I was as surprised as you are at the fact he wasn't here." Hawke shot he a glare. "And he is NOT my playmate..." Isabella smiled at Hawke with curious eyes and shrugged.
"Whatever you say sweet thing..." Hawke was struggling with the inner turmoil in her chest at that moment. Isabella's constant fishing for gossip about her personal life was annoying at the best of times and down right rage inducing all the rest. Hawke had resolved that she would not talk about what happened. Fenris didn't need any more scrutiny from everyone, no need to add too the smart comments. And she could handle her own personal life without their opinions. She should have stayed home she thought, or taken a job to clear the gangs out tonight. She regarded Isabella with a weary gaze. She regretted letting Varric drag her out. All she wanted was too relax and not think about anything. She sensed Isabella wasn't finished talking though and was uncomfortably aware that everyone was listening in to their conversation. Also acutely aware that her mood was starting to sour fast.
"So if he's not your 'playmate'... then?" Hawke then tipped her head back and finished her drink.
"Why does it sound like you are asking my permission Isabella? It's never stopped you before. Fenris doesn't belong too anyone...least of all me" Isabella wasn't even phased and just looked expectantly at her as Hawke got up and turned to leave, but then Isabella opened her mouth again.
"So now that you have had your fun... He's fair game then?" Something inside Evaine physically snapped and sent her blood to boil. She turned back too Isabella ever so slowly and as she did so the air became very still, heavy and charged with electricity. This sent everyone on edge, Varric immediately warned Isabella to back off. He knew Hawke was threatening violence as she glared back at them. As this was taking place, Fenris stood behind the door listening to their conversation.
"He is not an animal, a prize or a piece of meat Isabella! And just try to imply that I'm a slattern like you again, and you will not enjoy my reaction." Anguish threatened to spill into her voice as she spat the words at her. But she managed too keep her composure.
Guilt started to gnaw at Fenris again. But the sudden flare of magic in the air made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, realizing something bad was about to happen on the other side of the door, he quickly went too open it.
Hawke went too leave before she lost her temper at Isabella and inadvertently set something she would miss on fire. The door suddenly opened just as she let the tension in the air settle , she stopped in her tracks as she came face to face with the last person she wanted too see right now.
Briefly, Fenris saw her anger turn too surprise, and then pain as she realized he was standing in front of her. She gave him a weak smile.
"Night Fenris" and strode past him. He looked back at the table where everyone was staring gobsmacked at what had just happened and then opted too leave and go after Hawke, not willing too face the inevitable probing the rest were undoubtedly going to give him. He turned to leave then Varric scoffed
"I do believe Revaini, she was about to set your fun bits on fire" Isabella looked a little ruffled.
"You know...I think you are right, but it was totally worth it" Isabella grinned.
Hawke's mind was reeling, what in the Maker's name was Fenris doing there? She already knew he probably heard everything she said, how her jealousy and protectiveness flared and threatened to take over. She stepped from the Hanged man out into the streets after wrapping her cloak around her, Artemis her customized staff was retracted and placed on her back. Artemis extended too a full length staff when she needed it. And she had some melee prowess when it came too the business end of the blade. She didn't need to announce too every templar she came across that she was a mage, just because of a staff she carried.
" Hawke" She turned around and tensed as she realized Fenris was leaving the Hanged man and following her. She really didn't want to see him right now...
"Go back and play wicked grace with everyone Fenris, I am just heading home..." Fenris gently took her elbow to stop her from leaving.
"Wait...at least let me see you home then." Hawke sighed and nodded.
They walked in silence back to her estate, she was still seething with anger at Isabella and she was sure Fenris was stewing in his own self hatred. How he loved his self deprecation. When they reached her estate, Fenris turned to look at her.
"What was that all about in the Hangedman? I felt your magic when I was about to enter the room." He asked with a guarded expression. She looked at him curious then embarrassed.
" You mean you didn't hear the whole thing?" Fenris shook his head. Hawke huffed and felt her anger grow impotent when she looked into Fenris' eyes, her chest tightened and she fought the urge to grab at the sharp pain she felt.
"Isabella was probing me for information, asking why you haven't been with me for the past week" Fenris looked down avoiding her eyes.
"I decided that whatever happened between us, would remain private, because I didn't want to add too any tension in our group, it's none of their business anyways... So when I refused to give that harlot anything, she implied that I was like her... now that I had my fun with you, she said you would be 'fair game'." Hawke scoffed.
"Naturally I got angry and was about to electrocute her into a drooling mess, I let the magic rise as if I were about to cast the spell as a threat...One that I'm not sure was just a bluff to be honest. The nerve of her! She couldn't honestly think I am anything like her!? I'm not so loose in my morals that I can sleep with someone I don't love, not to mention I haven't taken any lovers since I got too ...Kirkwall" Hawke got so carried away she said these words before she could stop herself. She felt her cheeks burn and looked down embarrassed at her lack of restraint. She really didn't need to tell him that. It was like she just admitted that she had been nurturing these feelings for him for the past 3 years.
Fenris just stared at her in disbelief, feeling even more guilty and angry at himself, she had chosen him to be with, him of all people. It was plainly obvious too him that she didn't just sleep around, with all the propositions he has seen her get and turn down. She was beautiful and alluring, witty and intelligent. She deserved someone better than him. He wanted too tell her how he felt but his voice caught in his throat.
"Hawke...I" She cut him off with her hand held up, and said softly.
"Fenris, you don't have to do that. I..." pain crossing her face "You weren't ready, and I took advantage of your emotional state and let my feelings for you cloud my judgment..." Fenris couldn't believe what he was hearing, she blamed herself?
"Hawke this isn't-" She cut him off again.
"I understand that...you have your own issues to work out. So I will give you as much space as you need, and I will not mention this again"
The pain in her chest was so bad she could barely breathe. She took the red scarf she wore with her armor and tore a length off it, she took his gauntleted hand and tied it to his wrist gently careful not to touch his skin. She fought the lump in her throat. Fenris was stunned he didn't know what to do, or say anymore.
"And if...you want to leave, I won't try to stop you...I just...want you to be happy Fenris. Just know what I told you that night hasn't changed" She turned and opened the door and gave him a smile
"Thank you for walking me home, Goodnight" She then closed the door behind her.
Fenris stood there looking at the door, not really sure whether he wanted to go home just yet
" I love you Fenris" rang in his ears, the words she whispered too him that night they spent together, the words he couldn't bring himself to say too her out of fear. He hated himself and he was frustrated that she understood him so well. He thought it would be better if she was angry with him, or hated him. But she told him she loved him despite what he did and understood him. Even when she looked like she was in so much pain, she said he could leave, that he could go if he wanted to. She wanted him to be happy. He didn't deserve her he thought, bitterly. He looked down at the cloth she tied around his wrist. He sighed heavily and strode back too his mansion, fully aware he would not be getting sleep yet again.
Hawke stood in front of her front door for a moment to gather her thoughts. She managed to avoid bursting into tears by sheer force of will in front of Fenris. She had said what needed to be said. She made her way too her bedchamber and as soon as she closed the door she slid down and dropped to the floor, letting go of the tears she had fought to keep back. No more eyes to watch her, she could allow herself to cry. She pulled her legs into her chest and laid her head on her knees, letting herself be overwhelmed by the gaping hole that was left in her chest. Her body shook as she sobbed. Maker, she felt so pathetic. She loved him, so much that her aching heart didn't stop her from telling him he was free to leave if he chose to. She hoped he wouldn't, that really would send her over the edge. She recalled a saying she heard back in Lothering when she was younger. Something an elderly lady said about if you love something, set it free. She couldn't remember the rest though, she vaguely recalled thinking that the old bat was full of shit. She cried until she was exhausted, and fell asleep on the floor.
