When you think of your past, do you remember the sweets or the pain… Saeran…

Saeran jolted awake from the voice in his head. He ran his shaking hand through his hair and shivered. He was drenched in a cold sweat; the nightmare of his past was coming back more often now which meant that his sleep schedule was all sorts of fucked up. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. It was 4 o'clock in the morning, the nightmares always woke him up around this time. Saeran shrugged his blanket off and got out of bed, lightly hissing at how cold the floor was under his feet. He quietly walked out of his bedroom and to the kitchen. He shared his brother's house with him, so the quick typing from the computer section of the living room was a normal sound for him to hear. Not paying attention, he stepped on a discarded chip bag, alerting his brother that he was awake. "Awake again?" His twin grunted from the computers. "Yeah. Not like it would matter to you anyways, you are constantly watching me even when you work, so you always know what I'm doing." Saeran snapped. It was too early in the morning for his twin brother to start nagging him. His brother was silent, continuing to type like his life depended on it.

Saeran went to the fridge and searched around for something to snack on. Eventually he found an orange, so he quickly grabbed it and started peeling it. His phone chimed softly from his pants pocket. Saeran set down the fruit and checked the notification. It was from that girl, MC, that he led to Rika's old apartment.

MC: Hey are you still going to meet up with me today? I've been craving something sweet all week. RFA work has been hell.

Saeran: Yeah, when do you want to meet up? Saeyoung has been watching me like a hawk lately so try to make it soon.

Saeran gave a slight smile to the phone. MC and Saeran weren't friends, she was still upset with him about the whole RFA hacking thing and hacking the security system for the apartment. She was civil with him, so meeting up with her on the weekends was the least he could do to apologize. His phone chimed again with another message from the girl.

MC: How about 11am? I have some e-mails to go over and Jaehee needed help in her coffee shop. Eleven is the earliest I'm free. That works, right?

Saeran: Yeah that works. See you then. Get some shut eye, its damn near four thirty in the morning.

MC: Will do Unknown, you get some rest too.

Saeran winced at the "Unknown" nickname. Although it was what she first met him as, he was trying to let go of that portion of his life as much as possible. The only things that remained from that time is his hair, still dyed white with pink tips, the Mint Eye tattoo on his arm, his choker, his usual red tank-top and black jacket combo, and the mint colored contacts he wore. Saeran grabbed his orange again and ate it, he could feel Saeyoung's eyes on him as he ate. The white-haired boy sighed and grabbed a glass of water to take back to his bedroom. "I'm going back to my room Saeyoung, don't continue to watch me. I'm not helpless." Saeran grumbled at the redhead as he went back to his room. "Don't call me Saeyoung. It's Seven." His brother snapped before continuing his work. Saeran shook his head and slammed the door shut.

It had been months since he got to Saeyoung's house. They were civil with each other but the abandonment Saeran felt wouldn't go away, no matter how much his brother tried to convince him otherwise. Saeran had tried to die to erase the pain, but Saeyoung stopped him. Saeran then tried to kill his brother, like Mint Eye had almost conditioned his brain to want to do. Mint Eye had given him so many drugs that when he had stopped taking them, he had a mental breakdown. In his first month of living at his brother's house, he had destroyed things, he had cried more than he wanted to, and he was put into the RFA. He met all the members correctly, though most of them still hated him, they learned to tolerate his presence in the organization.

The second month of living at Saeyoung's house was where it went downhill. Saeran was feeling worse from not getting dosed with the Mint Eye drugs, his body still craved them, just to numb his thoughts and hurts from the past. Unable to find something resembling what they had given him, Saeran turned to self-harm. He had broken a glass one day and the sharpest piece was almost begging to be used. So, he did, he used it for a good two weeks before the blood stains on his sheets and the inside of the arms in his jacket got suspicious to Saeyoung. His brother had caught him in the act, and that's what led to the constant watching. Even two months after that incident Saeyoung still watched Saeran like a hawk. His arms were littered with scars, like the rest of his body.

Saeran snapped out of his thoughts and gulped down some water. He wasn't proud of hurting himself, in fact, he was ashamed. The boy sat on his bed and held his head in his hands. The nightmare of his mother hurting him wouldn't go away, even when he was awake. The only time he felt relief from them was when MC got ice cream with him. Saeyoung had done it with him when they were children, so doing it with MC was just another way for him to cling to the past. Saeran laid down and pulled the blanket over his head. There had to be someway other than seeing a doctor to deal with these nightmares. His mother's voice haunted his dreams, he could never escape. Saeran squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself down. Hold onto that one good memory. The ice cream with Saeyoung. MC will make these monsters go away later. Just a few more hours. Saeran chanted this until he slowly drifted to sleep.

No matter how many times you push me away, I'll always be in the back of your mind Saeran…