First there was an unusual silence. He gradually became aware of a strange yet also familiar sensation of nausea. Then the slow realization of being on a strange bed that somehow felt familiar. Finally the full awareness of a hand gently pressing down on his shoulders. And that voice, "You just lay still, Spock. You need to just rest." McCoy. Blue eyes looking down at him when he opened his. Blue eyes on a face that radiated happiness and relief and yet, as the Vulcan studied the face so close to his own, also a deep and crushing sadness.
Momentarily he closed his eyes as he tried to remember why he was obviously in Sickbay. They had been sent to the planet Valston to investigate the reason for the silence from the science station there. To clear the station of all sensitive material if need be. They had found a planet in widespread revolt, had managed to get the information Command wanted. There was a highly aggressive attack by the rebels on the landing party as they were leaving. He had been wounded and was calling for beam up when Jim got shot.
"Jim?" he opened his eyes and looked at the doctor who looked steadily back at him.
"Oh, Spock. I, I'm, I'm so sorry Spock. We were lucky to get you, Knight and Bayliss back. They said they saw him get shot." when Spock moved to get up the hidden strength of the doctor was revealed in the force pushing down on his shoulders, "We got you back and they started firing on us. Scotty was all for blowing the planet to pieces when we could not get Jim and after the reports from Knight and Bayliss but we had our blasted orders."
"How, how long?" although his internal clock was telling him he had been recovering for one hundred and sixty-four hours, twenty-one minutes and thirty-six point eight seconds he refused to believe it. He closed his eyes as he started to calculate: at warp four for that length of time they would be at. . . .
"You've been in a healing trance for just on six standard days after the operation and we are at Star Base Nine. Have been for five standard hours. The powers that be wanted to take you off the Enterprise and send in a temporary First but I persuaded them that it was not in my patient's best interests and Scotty let them know in no uncertain terms the Enterprise is his ship till relieved by you." There was a slight smile that reassured the Vulcan that McCoy would ensure he stayed on the ship and he had no doubt that the Chief Engineer would see to it that nobody took over the bridge. "I gave them the impression that you could be in a healing trance for much, much longer than I knew you would be and that it would endanger your life to move you. They will not be bothering you for a fair while. You'll need time."
"They will want to debrief me."
"That can wait, Spock. They said they had comprehensive statements from Knight and Bayliss and they have the material you and Jim got."
"The situation on Valston?"
McCoy sighed as he knew what the Vulcan was really asking, "For us that is closed." Only having known the Vulcan for as long as he had did McCoy see the annoyance bordering on frustration flicker over the face he was looking down on, "Command said that when all the temporary new command crew comes aboard we will ship out but that they have all they need to know how to proceed with Valston. They intend not to go back for at least a standard year, give the rebels time to sort themselves out. Plus they said the information gave them an insight as to how to deal better with the situation but that now is not the time to act or be there."
"They, they believe Jim to be dead?"
"Yes. We have been ordered to go on a routine check to station SM-sixty. When we return we will be told who is to captain the ship."
Dark eyes looked up at him and McCoy saw such deep pain in his friend he wanted to hold him and let him know it was perfectly normal to feel pain but respected him too much to do that. There was something about how Spock was looking at him that reassured him but also gave him concern.
"I do not; I cannot accept that, Doctor. I believe I would know and I do not. I saw him get shot, I saw him fall over the ledge, but I do not believe him to be dead."
"We cannot go back to Valston, Spock. Command has made it clear that it is out of bounds to all of us. For some reason the command crew of the ship were all individually named in the order."
An eyebrow all but vanished under the fringe, "Individually?"
"They mean it, Spock. They have eight officers roaming the ship to ensure we do not do what we want to do. We have one Darren Travis as temporary captain till they decide on a permanent one."
For a long time the Vulcan just looked up at the doctor, seeing the conflict deep within his friend. It took him but a second to understand it yet he was not sure as to how to broach the subject as McCoy was one of the more emotional and reactive Humans he knew. For this matter he decided on a direct question, "Do you believe Jim to be dead?"
The question was expected yet not expected. From the time Spock had said he did not believe Jim dead McCoy had been expecting him to ask yet for him to ask so directly was a surprise. As he looked at his friend he knew he would not, could not lie, "I know that, just on what I have been told and know, he most likely is dead. But you must know that at the core of my being I do not accept it, Spock. A part of me will not, can not, accept Jim Kirk is dead."
For two point nine one standard minutes they looked at one another, each seeing the deep pain in the other reflecting what they felt. McCoy let out a long breath and nodded, "Right now I want you to rest, Spock. You're still a fair way from being fine so do not even try that old spiel about being fine."
As Spock watched he saw how McCoy moved to the other side of the bed he was on and took the stance that indicated he was not going to leave his patient unless he was totally incapacitated. Oddly it comforted him as he looked at the man. "On this occasion, Doctor, I will not offer resistance as I am aware I am still in the need of rest." Spock closed his eyes as he not only had matters to deal with but also because he was aware his body needed more rest. McCoy's statement was what he had expected. Despite all the banter they had and all the times he pointed out the illogical decisions and actions that McCoy was known to take he knew the man and had been sure he knew of his deep friendship would also negate his belief in Jim being dead. He could not tell McCoy how he had heard in his mind Kirk calling out to him before a silence and numbness filled that part of his mind where he usually heard and felt his Captain and friend. He could tell from how his body was reacting that McCoy had administered a mild sedative and he understood not only the reason the doctor would do so but also accepted that his body required the sleep.
After adjusting the sheet over his Vulcan friend McCoy just stood looking down at him. When Knight and Bayliss had beamed up with an unconscious and bleeding Spock supported by Bayliss neither of them had told him that Spock had also seen Jim being shot. No wonder the Vulcan had twice tried to rally while under anesthetics and had called out Jim's name as he had. Command be damned, he would keep Spock in Sickbay as long as he could to keep him from having to tell them, in detail, how he saw Captain and his best friend get shot and have to relive it even if only for a moment..
