"WHO DID THIS?"
The doors banged open with enough force to dent the walls as Nikola Tesla charged through. He was in full vampire mood, black-eyed, clawed, and snarling, and the terrifying effect was only a little impaired by nap-mussed hair.
A large Sharpied mustache had been added to his face.
"I take a well-earned rest after saving the world and this is the thanks I get?"
His eyes swept each member of the team in turn. Despite herself and her long-term friendship with Tesla, Helen felt her body reacting automatically to the presence of a large, angry predator. Across the living room from her, Will, Henry, and Kate seemed similarly frozen. John tensed in his chair.
"Druitt, was it you?" Tesla demanded. He stepped towards John, fangs bared.
"My dear Tesla," John said calmly - he had mastered himself by then as Helen had - "Why would I resort to such a puerile prank? Particularly with that mustache. I rejoiced with half of London when you shaved it off the first time."
"The ladies loved it," Nikola growled.
"The ones you paid to do so."
"I'm not the one who visited br..."
"Nikola," Helen warned, closing her book. "That is quite enough. You will calm down and behave like a civilized being. You too, John," she added when John opened his mouth to speak. He subsided with a small smirk.
"Civilized?" Nikola said indignantly. "Vampires are the peak of civilization and culture. When they were killed off, you pathetic mortals plunged into the Dark Ages." He pointed at Helen. "And don't think I don't know what you're doing."
"What exactly am I doing?"
"Trying to distract me from the dead man who did this." He jabbed furiously at the mustache. "Whoever it was, I will rip their guts out and feed them their own liver!"
"Well, that's hardly an incentive for someone to confess," Helen pointed out mildly.
"Why do you think it was one of us?" Will asked. "There are other people in this house."
Nikola gave him a look. "What, you think it was the Mustache Fairy? Do you believe in Santa Claus as well?"
Will looked stung. "I just meant that we're not the only sentient creatures who you've annoyed in the past few days."
"Excuse me? Annoyed? Dazzled with my genius. Led to jealousy among the lesser minded. Inspired hopelessly sinful thoughts among the female sex. Let's call things by their proper names, shall me, Huggie Bear?"
"Nikola!" This time, Helen stood. Tesla twitched. "If you have proof with which to accuse someone here, bring it forward. If you cannot do more than hurl allegations, I must ask you to leave until you have recovered yourself."
He stared at her a moment. Then, with a distinctly unvampire-like "Ugh!", he stomped from the room.
Helen slowly sat back down and glanced over at Henry and Will. "I trust you remembered to wipe the security footage?"
Wide-eyed, Henry nodded. "Thanks for the save."
"Oh, don't thank me," Helen said with a sinister smile, opening her book again. "This is Nikola Tesla we're talking about. All I've done is stall him a little." She glanced at them. "Best to watch your backs."
John smiled his eeriest smile. "A week until he finds out, Helen?"
"Oh, a day or two, more likely."
"Well," Kate said into the silence. "It's been nice knowing you."
Will gulped.
