So…I tried this a few months back and had trouble with it. I'm trying it again since I rewrote it. Review.

"Hurt, hurt the way it feels
Cause you give me eternity
You give me eternity
You give me eternity to die

Kill, kill me Carolyne
Cause I'm not worthy
Of your affection"- Kill Me Carolyne By The Whigs


There were many reasons why I couldn't be with Edward Cullen. He was an idiot, he drank too much, and he didn't give a flip about me most of the time. He had slept with most of the girls in our high school… and their moms and decided one day that it would be a good idea to try to get into my pants since he had managed to get whatever he wanted since he was six-years-old. Let's just say, it didn't turn out well for him…or for me.

Reason #1 of Why I Could Never Possibly Ever Be With Edward Cullen: A typical Friday night with the boys:

EPOV

"Whew-hoo! Eat it bitches!" Emmett bellowed as he swallowed his third beer of the night.

Jasper was sticking his head out the open window, trying not to throw up from laughter and all the booze. I was one handing it on the steering wheel, hoping to God that this distraction would be big enough. I had to stop thinking about Bella. This was fucking ridiculous. Just like her.

Jazz noticed my somber expression and slapped a beer into my hand.

"Drink up, bitch," he ordered.

I looked back in my rearview mirror at the barricade we had just stolen. I shook my head, smiling as I thought. Carlisle had told us, me specifically, that we couldn't go to the La Push game because he knew we would have gotten into huge ass fights.

I had seriously debated on going, but decided I had given the old man enough crap lately. So, Emmett, Jasper, and I decided to steal a barricade.

Not my brightest moment, I know.

It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I snickered at the overused saying.

We were just asking for the ol' police chief to arrest us. I was secretly keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldn't be ol' Chief Swan.

The last thing I wanted or needed was for him to be all up in my grill when I was kinda infatuated with his girl.

Psh. Infatuated. Who says that?

Pansies. Pansies say that. Jesus, I was a pansy.

Right on cue, I saw the red and blue lights go off just as I heard that annoying siren.

Emmett told me to start gunning it and start Forks's first car chase.

That wouldn't have gone so well, so I decided to pull over and be a man.

I rolled down my window and glanced back at the officer. Not Swan. I blew out a sigh.

This guy looked like he was in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I chuckled.

He strolled all police-like to the window of my dad's truck.

"Is there a problem, officer?" I asked, smirking.

"Hey, smart-ass, look at the bed of the truck," he spit in my face.

Jasper started guffawing and Emmett was scrambling to hide the beer.

"I don't see any problem here, Officer," I squinted to look at his nametag, "Jones."

How typical.

Officer Jones's face started getting red and his beefy hands curled into fists.

I tried to choke down my laughter with no success.

"Outta the car, idiots," he called.

The officer actually had the nerve to handcuff me and push me up against my car, my left cheek pushed into the window.

Hell, no. No way.

Just then, another police car drove up.

Jesus, don't let it be the Chief. Don't let it be the Chief.

The other officer stepped out of the car and started laughing at the scene before him.

He was young, maybe twenty-five, twenty-six.

He cuffed Jasper, while Jones the monkey cuffed Emmett.

I glanced at the blinking lights of the barricade. It really had seemed like a good idea at the time.

They started talking into their radios and writing crap down.

"Psst, Edward," Emmett whispered.

I jerked my head towards Emmett's direction.

"What," I asked.

"Shut it," Jones yelled.

"The hand cuff is too tight," Emmett whined.

"Too bad," Jasper slurred.

Emmett tried to loosen the cuff around his wrist. His face was twisted in pain and I would have laughed if I wasn't the one getting arrested.

"I said, shut up," Jones repeated.

One they were finished filling out their police report, they piled us into the back of the car. So, here I was…in the back of a police car on a Friday night.

"Shit," I heard Emmett mutter.

"What now?" I asked.

"My…thumb…it's stuck," Emmett looked panicked up at me.

He showed me his cuffed hands and I started out right laughing my ass off. Stupid Emmett had gotten his thumb stuck in the side of the handcuff.

"What are you hooligans doing now?" Jones asked.

Hooligans? Okay, then.

"Sir, my thumb is stuck in the handcuff, I believe, sir" Emmett said, seriously.

Jazz started giggling and I shot him a look.

Jones started chuckling about hooligans and idiots.

"I take that as a 'too bad'' Emmett interpreted.

"Right you are, son," Jones answered.

The rest of the ride there Emmett tried in vain to get his thumb unstuck while Jazz was trying to stay awake. I was thinking about how dead I was after this. My father was gonna have a cow. Not to mention Esme…she would be hysterical.

We entered the Fork's County Jail and they un-cuffed us and pushed us all into one empty cell with three chairs.

We sat around for a while until the Chief himself stalked in, looking pretty fucking smug.

I blanched and started twiddling my thumbs.

"So, Cullen, Whitlock, and McCarty. My three favorite boys," he said sarcasm dipping in and out his tone.

"And Chief, my favorite…well I gotta say I really fucking hate you," Jasper confessed, smirking.

I looked away so the Chief wouldn't see my grin.

"So, wanna tell me what you three boys were doing with a barricade that was in use?" he asked, ignoring Jasper's comment.

"Well," I started, having already come up with a story, "Ya, know. We saw this huge hole that was going to cause a lot of problems on the side of the road. It was really worrying us, and lo-and-behold about five minutes later we happened upon a barricade and we just had to help the town, Chief. We had to give back. So, when your good Officer Jones found us, we were on our way to do a great service."

I had to admit, it was one of my better works.

Chief didn't think so. He rolled his eyes and said, "Anyone want to try again?"

"I think he's got it covered," Emmett answered, innocently.

The Chief sighed and glared at us all.

All of a sudden, there was a big commotion and the chief grinned at us. "That'll be your parents."

There was a huge window to our cell/questioning room, so we could see everyone that walked by. To say I was scared at that moment would have been an understatement.

I saw Emmett's father walk by. He was seriously pissed. He glared at Emmett, mouthing something I couldn't understand. Emmett saluted to his father and grinned.

I shook my head at his bravery, or maybe it was stupidity.

Jasper's mother walked by next. She was absolutely hysterical. She had the whole water works thing going on and I started to feel a bit better. His father also walked by with a stern expression on his face.

Finally, my old man walked by. I was prepared for the worst. I thought there'd be yelling and talking through the glass that I couldn't understand and I really thought he'd take away the Volvo.

But…he winked at me. He…winked. It was a wink that said, 'Psh. Don't sweat it son. It's all good.'

I smiled at him and put my hands behind my head.

"I'm all good, guys," I said, with a smirk.

I glanced at Jazz and Emmett who looked like they were about to pee their pants.

We sat there for about ten more minutes, listening to all the yelling and screaming.

My father was the only one not yelling his ass off. I was proud of the old man.

Finally, Carlisle came in and told us that we were all coming to my house.

"Thank you, Doc! Thank you," Emmett said, as he ran to my dad and gave him a huge hug.

"Carlisle, you won't regret this. You saved my life. My mother would have killed me with her brand new kitchen knife," Jasper whispered, still half out from all the beer.

"Why the change of attitude?" I asked as we strolled out of the jail.

I winked at Officer Jones and his face turned red with just a hint of purple again. I grinned and then looked towards my dad.

"You don't want to know," Carlisle said, shaking his head. "It's not over for you, yet, Edward. Esme is in hysterics."

I groaned and climbed in the passenger side of Carlisle's Mercedes.

Jazz and Emmett lumbered into the back. Within minutes Jazz was passed out and Emmett was getting his ear yelled off on his cell from his flippin' mother.

"Why do I get the feeling you did something to this extent back in the day?" I asked Carlisle, smiling.

He glared and said, "Don't push it."

He pulled into the drive way and Esme was out on the porch, along with my sister Alice.

Gah. This wouldn't do. I wasn't out of the woods yet and Jazz was gonna get it from my sister tomorrow.

"What were you thinking, Edward?!" Esme all but yelled.

"It just seemed like the thing to do…"

BPOV

So, you see…I can't really imagine Edward Cullen and me working out…which is why I never saw myself in the situation I was in now. With The Edward Cullen. The Edward Cullen that drank too much, swore too much, had too many girlfriends…and ended up breaking my heart.


Hahahaa…review:)