Spoilers: Do shapeshifters dream of electric sheep?
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Author's notes: Well, that sucked.
Just kill me, please
"I'll see you later at the lab, okay?" He asked on that sweet tone and kissed her one more time before leaving. He turned and waved at her and she still had the strength to smile.
Olivia closed the door and went to the bathroom, she turned on the water to fill the tub, her hair was still a disaster, it was evidence.
She looked at herself in the mirror, it was quickly fogging by the steam, distorting her image a little; she lifted her hand and touched her hair: blond, she hadn't been a blond in a while; she had dyed it just after Lee had kissed her because Frank had suggested it days before. Did she even really like the color?
This was not her, she and her life were consuming her slowly. No wonder why she looked so sad, why Peter had described her as hunted. She was.
Olivia turned and barely reached the toilet before throwing up.
It was good that at least she didn't have to think about the possibility of getting pregnant, they still used condoms here; back home it had stopped been a possibility a while ago.
Once she felt strong enough she got up from the floor and shed her clothes; they were definitely going to the incinerator.
She got into the tub, the water was extremely hot but she just didn't care, she wanted to erase his scent from her; she felt so dirty.
"I'm so sorry Frank." And she started to cry.
In the middle of all she had cried too, Peter thought it was happiness and he had held her so tenderly. How to explain that it was disgust? At he, at her, at what she had just done.
He had been so sweet, a complete gentleman; maybe even a little even more than Frank. She shoke her head in disgust, how was she comparing them?
Was this why everybody get drunk when something harsh happens? Because they want to forget? She could clearly see the appeal right now.
Peter really, really, really loved her, he had probed that much with his touch and she just had wanted it to be over. It should feel like a small victory to have taken their first time from them; she had always been the kind who delighted in victory; but it felt empty, as she had sold herself for no reason, she knew she could have avoided this, but getting him to trust her was crucial at this point, her universe was counting on her.
Yes, Newton had pushed all the right buttons but at the end it had been her choice.
But, was it worth it? Breaking his heart, keep them apart, damage them, all of them?, She was starting to think that maybe it was not, because at this moment she wanted anything else more than to feel Frank's arms around her, and how was she going to explain this to him? Would he understand?
Frank knew her commitment to this war, but he didn't know this; what if he never forgives her? What if his Olivia never forgives Peter?
She left out a bitter laugh, she was worrying about the enemy now, but that was the thing, she was doubting; the secretary had said that they were monsters, but he hadn't feel like a monster, he had felt like a man in love.
How was doing all this right?
She stayed in the tub until the water got cold, she was so cold.
Maybe Newton was right, she is just predestinated to fail.
