- Raven -
Meditating is definitely the only thing that keeps me sane. I would probably destroy everything if I didn't keep my emotions in check. Which is what I'm so close to doing if Beast Boy and Cyborg don't shut it. I can hear them all the way from the living room. Distracting and annoying.
I hear a low knock on my door and then Robin walks in with a plate of cookies. "I knew they would probably be making you anxious so I brought you something to cheer you up." "Thanks." I say.
"I was wondering..." Robin drifts off. "What?" I ask calmly, trying to regain my composure. "Maybe you would, I don't know... Like to go get out of the house... With me..." He seems nervous. Weird considering we've gone out just the two of us plenty of times before.
I ponder for a second. "Sure." I shrug. He relaxes a bit and says "Great!" I get up and we head to the living room to leave. "Hey guys, Raven and I are going to go to the park." We don't really get a response more so just some weird noises as the boys are too engulfed in their video games to notice anything else.
Once we're in the city, we quickly arrive at the park. "It's such a beautiful day." Robin tells me how much he loves the sun and blue sky. "It just makes me feel, happy. Like I can do anything. Figuratively speaking of course; I feel like I can fly." I laugh a little and say, "Well, flying is pretty great." "Tell me about it." He responds. I nod, trying to find the right words. "It's like, swimming I guess but minus the breathe holding and being soaked afterwards."
He laughs saying, "it sounds wonderful." "Oh it is! It's a freedom of some sort, just like you said, makes you feel like you can do anything." I say. We sit on a park bench and bask in the rays of the sun. Well he does at least. I don't tan that well considering my skin tone and what not.
I watch as people pass, Children, parents, elderly people. It's actually kind of relaxing. Seeing people enjoy themselves, leaving their worries at home and having a great time with their families. I look too see Robin staring at me with a smile on his face. "What?" I ask. "Nothing. Just, it's nice. Seeing you smile." I hadn't even realized that I was doing that. I quickly straighten my face and look away. Embarrassed that I wasn't aware. "Yeah..." I trail off, not knowing what to say.
Thinking about how he was looking at me, just makes me feel like I might barf. In a good way! If that's even possible? I'm not at all sure. "Um, we should probably head back home." I say, still slightly embarrassed. "Yeah. We should." Robin replies. Why is he so weird today? I plan on it figuring out so I ask him, "what's gotten into you today?"
"What are you talking about?" He seems a little nervous again. "I mean, why are you so nervous? And why are you looking at me like that?" I stop walking, as does he and we stare at each other for a few seconds before he says, "I, um, just, I don't know." He says defeated. "Well, stop it. It's weird." I say. "Oh, I'm weird?" He says slightly angry. "Why are you getting so worked up? I just said that it's weird that you're nervous."
He calms and replies, "maybe you make me nervous." Then continues walking. I stand their dumbfounded. I make him nervous? What kind of joke is this. Pretty boy gets nervous... Because of, me? "I catch up to him and say "what? How on earth do I make you nervous?" He continues walking, ignoring my question. "Robin! Tell me."
He stops again and I can see the blush in his cheeks. He scratches the back of his neck. The ultimate boy sign meaning it's either awkward or he's nervous. With his track record today I'm going with nervous. Of course I have no idea why because now he's nervous to tell me why he's nervous.
"It's just. You." "Me? What did I do?" "Nothing no it's not something you did, it's, like, I kind of... I mean." He is flustered and it's aggravating me a little, "just spit it out." I demand. "You make me nervous because I like you!" He almost yells.
I am a taken back. Probably with the most ridiculous look on my face. Again he's very nervous and very red. How do I even respond to that. I mean yeah I like him. As a friend. And maybe more than that. But Star has a thing for him and I kind of thought he did too. So I pushed these feelings back and now I'm not sure what to say because, well, Star is an amazing friend and how can I betray her like this. I mean, what if she is in love with him and here we are confessing our feelings and then she finds out and is heartbroken.
I may be half demon but I'm not a backstabbing bestfriend. Remembering I still have to respond to Robin I try and rationalize as much as possible. "You... You... You like... Me?" Well I tried? Kind of not really wow Raven get it together. "Yes. I do. I like you Rae." Robin says. "I like you too, but..." "But what?" "But Starfire."
"Oh. Right. She just has a little crush on me." He says. "I thought you liked her too?" "What no! No! I mean yes I like her but like just a friend kind of way. I am close with her because I want her to feel welcome and try and explain earth and human things to her." I'm so very stunned to hear that. "That's nice, but she likes you." "I know, and I liked her too but not like I like you."
"I could never do that to her, she likes you and if we like each other it's just going to hurt her and I don't want to do that!" I explain. "I know. I know you would never hurt any of our friends on purpose, especially Star. But we shouldn't let that stand in the way of our happiness. And I doubt she would want to do that either." Robin has a point.
Doubt starts to creep in. "How do you know we are each other's happiness. What if we 'go out' and then break up. It would be all for nothing and three people would have gotten hurt in the end." Robin looks away and then back at me and say, "I'm not sure. We just have to roll with the punches." I respond, "I really don't want to hurt her."
He gently grabs my hand. "You deserve love Rae. I want to be the person to give it to you." I feel my stomach go all haywire at the sound of that. "Maybe, for now at least, we can just keep it between you and I. See where this leads us." He's willing to keep it quiet for me? "Yes." He seems startled that I actually agreed and then a wide grin takes over his adorable face and he responds, "wonderful!" I smile back at him, luckily my skin doesn't turn red because my cheeks are hot from a "blush" and wow this is what it's like to feel happiness from a relationship.
I feel guilty because Star would be upset if she find out but I try not to think of that as Robin engulfs me in a hug. He grabs ahold of my face, pushes a strand of hair away and says, "I've waited for this moment forever. Raven will you be my girlfriend?" I smile and respond, "Yes, of course Robin."
And so begins the secret love.
