Disclaimer: I own nothing.


No matter how many times they say that they are not the same I always find them doing it. Hiding their true feelings. Putting a barrier up.

Both had some sort of tragedy in their past. One killed the only friend that he truly had and the other turned his father into an akuma, was given a curse and now found out that he was an enemy. They definitely aren't the most lucky that's for sure…

I have a reason for almost killing myself by calling Kanda by his first name. It's because he needs a friend that understands him. I know that he worries (even though the way he shows it is a little awkward). Most people think he is a bastard because he says those things but that is what he wants them to think. No attachments means no pain. So I annoy him. I call him Yuu-chan and all that because, even when I have a sword near my throat, I see a little from the real him. There is a faint smile that most people don't notice but I do. No matter what defenses he had I passed through them and, no matter how many times he says no, I know that he considers me a friend.

Then there's Allen Walker. This is a complicated one. It's almost impossible to know how he feels but, no matter how good he is at poker with that bluff, I see through it. Since the 14th's discovery the kid has been smiling more false smiles but most people don't notice. I know that Yuu has noticed but other than him I don't know. Probably they simply relax when they see him smile, no matter how fake it is. So I annoy him too. Calling him Moyashi-chan lets me see some real feelings. Even though he gets annoyed, even angered, and says "It's ALLEN" I see a small true smile on his face sometimes. It's probably for that reason that Kanda does that too. It's better to show some anger than to fake that everything is right.

But who am I to say. I'm an apprentice bookman. I should be neutral and not feel friendship or companionship towards anyone. Aren't I a hypocrite? I make them show their true feelings and yet I hide mine. I hide my fears and I need to mask some other feelings because I'm a bookman, I'm not really their ally. Yet I'm already attached to them.

I guess I'm not the only person trying to make others show their real self because they already unmasked me. When did 'Lavi' became the real me?

I hope that Panda won't discover this though.


I can't believe I wrote this… Oh well reviews make me happy, constructive criticism is welcomed and flames are gonna be put out by the rain that fell yesterday :D.