Three Times

(Disclaimer: I still don't own the rights to Silent Witness)

1) Her mother's funeral

A small blonde girl stood in the quiet graveyard. Her serious brown eyes were focused on the small row headstones that surrounded her and her body stood deadly still. Her black clothes dwarfed her as she listened to the speech the vicar made. All around her people were sobbing and holding on to each other.

No one was holding onto Nikki.

People were placing flowers on the grave and muttering their condolences to her. But still her stoicism held strong. Nikki wasn't going to let them see her cry; she refused to shed a tear. She couldn't shed a tear, she didn't know how. She didn't feel anything inside.

Her mother was gone

Nikki felt numb as they lowered the coffin into the ground. She was sure she was meant to feel something but the tears wouldn't come. They never came.

"Oh Niks…" she heard a voice say and she turned around to see her father say "It's all right to cry"

She felt something now but that was only hatred for the man that called himself her father. Nikki might have had one parent still alive but she counted herself as an orphan

"I'm not crying" she said firmly and she promised herself she never would

2) Her father's return

Nikki sat at her desk with her head in her hands. Her father had just made a crash landing back into her life and once again left a trail of destruction behind. She was amazed how one person could hurt her so much when they appeared in her life so little

"Nikki?" a voice called and she looked up to see Harry standing there with concern etched on his face

She brushed her messy blonde hair away from her face and stared at him stsight in the face

"It's okay to be upset" he told her sitting down

"Why would I be upset?" she said quickly "He's gone now and to be honest I couldn't care less"

"If you want to cry them its okay" he told her gently

"No it's not" Nikki told him bluntly putting an end to the conversation

3) Her broken heart

When Leo walked into the locker room he saw Nikki sitting there silently on one of the benches

"Where's Harry?" he asked

"Out with her" the venom was evident in her voice

"Oh" Leo said "I doubt it will last" he told her

"Like I care" Nikki stood up

"It's not a weakness to show upset" Leo told her

"Yes it is" Nikki said "And even if I did care I wouldn't waste my tears on him" she stormed out of the locker room

She hadn't told Leo that even if she wanted to waste her tears on him she wouldn't know how.

And one time she did…..

"And do you take Nicola Victoria Alexander to be your lawful wedded wife?" the vicar asked

"Yes" the man replied and Nikki grinned

The vicar smiled "I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride"

Nikki veil was swept away from her face and she leant in to a passionate embrace. As she walked down the aisle with her new husband she felt something strange inside of her. Something hot and wet trickled down her face which didn't go unnoticed her by husband

"Are you crying?" Harry asked looking down at her

"I do believe am…"