Numb

Summary: A look at Manny's scattered life, without being a point of view. A Cranny fic.

Main Character
: Manny Santos, with other's like Emma and Craig.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or the characters, because if I did, I certainly wouldn't be writing this.

Notes: It's kind of based on the Amanda Clemen's song "I Don't Want To Be Me."


"I Don't Want To Be Me"
by: Amanda Clemens

I'm not feeling so bold
Can't you see I don't want to grow old
And my photograph's an epitaph of parody
I don't want to be me.

I'm not feeling so sure
It would help if you offered a cure
If I wait, it's too late for the remedy
I don't want to be me.

You won't save me 'cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me if I decide to go hide
Or instead to just run.

I'm not feeling so well
Maybe we could just sit for a spell
And make amends - it depends on my injury
I don't want to be me.

You won't save me 'cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me if I decide to just run
You won't save me 'cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me if I decide to go hide
Or instead to just run.


Prologue

"You are the school's biggest slut," rang in Manny's ears as she leaned against the wall in the girl's bathroom. She had ran out of the Gymnasium right after the commotion that she had caused, and down the hallway. She could feel eyes staring right through her, so she decided the best place to hide would be in the bathroom. After the fight she had with Darcy, she couldn't feel anything, she felt numb, and didn't want anyone to see her like this. And the reason for it all was simple: for, she was branded the title of school slut, yet again.

She had thought Darcy was her friend, someone who wouldn't judge her, but she had been wrong. Darcy was just like everyone else in the school, quick to judge every little thing she did. She would forever be known as the school slut, even if she cured cancer, or rescued a bus load of small children. She would even have that title in ten years, at their high school reunion.

Tears escaped her eyes and slowly trickled down her face. She let her petite body slide down the wall and onto the floor, as only one thought crossed her mind: She'd never be the same. She could never go back to the sweet and innocent Manny, who was secure being Emma Nelson's best friend and being afraid of Spinner and all of the other older students. She could never go back in time and make everything right again, as badly as she wished she could, she couldn't, and it ate at her every day of the week.

It felt so long ago, when her life went that way. The first day of junior high was what she thought would be the most scariest day of her life, but as the years went on, she realized that that was nothing compared to what she had to deal with. Being Craig's second girlfriend, and then finding out he was lying to her about Ashley was hard enough, but finding out she was pregnant with his child was something that she definitely couldn't handle. Maybe the choices she made in her past weren't the best, but she was trying desperately to move on, and make everything right again. But no one wanted to believe it, they had already made-up their minds about her.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Manny scrambled to her feet. She hesitantly opened the door, afraid of who was standing on the other side of it. To her relief, though, it was her best friend, Emma Nelson. The tall blonde girl leaned her body on the side of the door, and stared at her best friend with a sympathetic look. "I heard about Darcy, I'm sorry," she offered. She stretched her arms out, and Manny took advange of the kind gesture and hugged her tight.