"Elijiah Goldsworthy."
I stopped, frozen. My feet were glued to the ground and I couldn't run even If I wanted to. I knew that voice, I knew that voice way too well. I haven't heard that voice say my name in over a year… I must be hallucinating.
I swallowed, trying to ignore my steadily increasing heartbeat.
"Eli."
I shook my head, "No. This isn't real…" I said to myself, my voice shaky. I closed my eyes and imagined myself at home, in my room, by myself…
That's when I felt it. A hand grazed my shoulder, and left my skin feeling cold. My eyes snapped opened, and I turned around, afraid at what I might find. I stared, not believing what I saw. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be real, but it was. In front of me, stood Julia, just as I remembered her. Down to the last hair on her head.
"Julia?" I barely stuttered out. I shook my head in disbelief, taking in her full appearance. She was gorgeous, she always had been, but something about her was different, she didn't look human. It was then that I realized, how could she be human? Julia is dead. She's been dead, but there was no denying that the person standing in front of me is Julia, my Julia.
I just stood there, staring at her until my eyes began to burn. "What are you doing here?" I whispered.
She looked me, sadness filling up her big brown eyes. Taking a step closer, she lifted her hand slowly, only inches away from me now. She gently ran her fingers across my cheek; so lightly, I wouldn't have felt it if it weren't for the chill it sent down my spine. "You've missed me, haven't you."
I didn't answer, for it wasn't a question. I glanced down at the hand that grazed my cheek, wanting to feel it again. I missed her touch so much that it hurt to think about. I would do anything to have her back, anything at all, and here she was.
I finally spoke. "Why-"I began, unsure of how to phrase my words. I took a breath of air, "Julia, why are you here? Better, how are you here?"
She looked up at me, her eyes wide with fear. She shook her head gently from side to side, like she was trying to shake off a bad memory. Julia lowered her head to the ground, and when she lifted it back up, I realized that there was pain evident on her face. I immediately felt the urge to hug her, and tell her that everything would be alright, like I used to, but I refrained.
"Julia?" I asked again, scared by her silence. I grabbed her icy hand, and held on to it as tight as I could, my eyes never leaving hers. "Tell me what's wrong."
Her eyes glassed over, trying to hold back her tears as she struggled to speak. "Eli, I need help." She said, her voice small and tired.
"Help? What do you mean, how do you need help?" I began to ask, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was speaking to my dead ex-girlfriend.
She didn't say anything for nearly a minute, and I grew impatient at her lack of words. "How can I help you?" I said, this time with more force. I heard footsteps approaching from behind me and Julia's eyes snapped to the end of the hall.
"Eli?"
I froze for the second time that night, panicking; I looked at Julia, who was now still as stone. I turned around slowly, unsure of what to do. How do I explain this?
"Clare, what're you doing here." I said quickly, my eyes holding a frantic craze to them. I tried to block Julia from Clare's sight, adjusting my stance to make myself taller.
She looked at me strangely, taking in my awkward demeanor. "You said you were going to the bathroom, but you've been gone for ten minutes. I was worried that something happened." She said slowly, her eyes looking me up and down. She crossed her arms, her brow furrowing. "Who exactly were you talking to?"
"I-I don't know how to explain this, but I think that-that-"I stuttered, unable to form a coherent sentence. How do you say to your girlfriend that you just had a conversation with your dead ex in the middle of a school hallway? I sighed, realizing that I should just show her. I closed my eyes, and stepped aside, revealing Julia. I waited for a gasp of shock, or a scream, but there was nothing.
"Um, Eli?" I opened my eyes, and stared at Clare who seemed to be even more confused than before. I turned around, searching for Julia, but the hallway was completely empty. I turned back as Clare ran a hand through her curls, waiting for me to explain myself.
I shook my head, not sure if I had just imagined the entire thing. Maybe I was going crazy, and if I was, I wouldn't be too surprised. I forced a small smile at Clare's worried expression. "I was talking to myself, actually."
She raised her eyebrow at my lame excuse and I struggled to come up with something more believable. I let out a breath of air, shifting my weight from foot to foot. "Honestly, I'm just stressed." I started, not completely lying to her. "I came out here because I needed some time. Alone."
Clare looked slightly hurt, but she came closer, wrapping her arms around me gently. I was taken back by the sudden contact, but then pulled her tighter as I sighed into her shoulder. She pulled away, her blue eyes filled with concern.
"Eli, I know this past week has been hard, but you do realize that you can get through this, right?"I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear that I might tell her everything that was running through my mind. I didn't want to scare her.
"I don't want you to feel like you have to run away from me. I mean," She looked down at the ground, her voice getting softer. "If you need your space, I'll give it to you, I understand."
I shook my head, this wasn't what I wanted. I grabbed her chin, pulling her eyes up to meet mine. "Clare, I want to be with you. You're not the problem, I love you." I said firmly, wanting her to know that I was being honest. I looked away, anger building in my chest. "I just want things to be normal, but my fucked up head keeps ruining everything!" I yelled, frustrated with myself. "I keep seeing things. Things that I don't want to see. Its bad enough I had to live it once, but now I keep seeing that night replay over and over again. How am I going to testify in court when I can barely tell you what happened?"
Clare bit her lip, not having an answer for me. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to calm my sudden urge to punch something. I looked at Clare, feeling guilty for getting all worked up, but I didn't know any other way to deal with it.
"I'm sorry." I said.
She smiled sadly, "Don't be, that's what I'm here for."
I nodded, fully knowing that I didn't deserve this girl.
