I watched as he placed the rose on the headstone of the grave. There was something about him that caught my eye and I couldn't help but listen to what he said to the grave. He knelt down in front of it and gingerly traced the letters with his fingers. He was silent for a couple moments before speaking. He spoke to the stone as if whoever was under it could hear him and respond back and as if he were alone.
I know it's been a while since I've been back. I, uh, I left Beaufort. Finished medical school and moved out. It was you, Jamie, that inspired me to become a better person. I have often wondered what would have happened between us if I had been nicer to you growing up; what my life would have been like if I hadn't been, uh, shall we say forced, to be in the spring play? What my life would have been without you. I'm in Seattle now, Jamie, and I'm working in the emergency room and every day I go to work, I think about you.
I watched him as he wiped a tear. He looked around, still seemingly oblivious to the world around him.
There are days it's hard to get up in the morning and days it's hard to cope. I know it's been a while and I've had people tell me to move on, but the truth is, Jamie, I don't know if I can. There are times I don't know if I want to. No matter where I go in life, you'll always be my first love; my first true love. I remember how once you said that you could feel every emotion in the wind, even though you couldn't see it. That is how I know you're still here. Some Native American tribes believe that the wind is the soul of the deceased and when you feel the wind, it is your loved one hugging you.
As if on cue, I felt the wind blow.
He continued.
I had this patient a couple weeks ago and she reminded me of you. She had your ability to smile, despite what was going on with her. She has leukemia too. She's not much older than you were, Jamie. I wanted…I wanted to protect her like I wanted to protect you.
He wiped a tear from his eye.
I, God, Jamie. Where do I even…no one knows. It's not that I want my life here to ever be a secret, but the pain of losing you hasn't gone away. For the past 7 years, I've lived with the pain. There are times I think it will get the better of me and then, I feel the wind on my face and realise that you're still watching over me.
The wind still blew gently as he talked and I began to feel as though whoever he was talking to was listening and wanting him to know that he was still loved and being cared for and watched over.
Can I move on? Do I have it in me? I'm not sure. All I know is that what I want is the one thing I can't have and that's you back with me. So, Jamie, what do I do?
He stayed kneeling, looking as though he were praying. Over the hill, I saw a young lady head his way. He looked up and I thought he saw her, but if he did, he made no notice. She knelt beside him and softly rubbed his back.
I couldn't help but listen to her words either.
You must move on, Landon. God has me where He wants me. He wants you, like I want you, to live, to love again. Don't ever feel that if you love again, you're betraying me. I love you and you and I will always be together, but you can not stop living because I died.
I looked around. Was I actually seeing the deceased person he was talking to? If so, why?
She continued to speak.
I'm at peace now, Landon. Why aren't you?
This is something that I've tossed around as an idea…but it seemed to fit A WALK TO REMEMBER the best. It's what I feel when I visit the grave of the one I loved dearly and wanted to somehow express it…Hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think.
