When a Star Dies
A/N: This is the second story I've published on , and I'm really excited for it. It's a little deep, and there will be times that you may have to hold your tongue, but trust me, it will all be worth it in the end.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha... anywhere besides my dreams.
Chapter 1: The Trigger
It was his lack of insight that made him feel such agony when he held her lifeless body in his arms. He looked up at the one responsible, but he was already blaming himself.
Kagome sat on the floor, leaning her back against her bed. The sun set on the horizon in an ocean of purples and pinks and the streets grew empty as people flocked back to their homes with their families. Her house remained quiet however, the members of her family gone to a far away city to take care of a sick relative, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Tomorrow morning she would return to the Feudal Era, to her friends, to Inuyasha.
Three days had passed since she returned to her time, the memory and pain of why hung over her head every waking minute. Of course, she knew he would go off to see Kikyo, that wasn't the whole point. Overtime, Kagome became more accustomed to their visits, who could blame them? While their physical beings were violently ripped apart for fifty years, their emotions lied dormant and metastasized to their hearts the instant they saw each other again. Kagome had accepted this long ago, that wasn't what kept her up at night. The intensity of what their past love seemed to be growing into, however, did.
Inuyasha and the group had once again taken camp for the night from traveling all day. It was chilly, the forest floor seemed to emanate no heat or comfort, and the stars seemed to be the only company one had out in the woods tonight. Kagome had left her bag of supplies behind because of the nuisance it was to carry around, having to deal with the stinging temperature in her short and tattered school uniform. She laid on the ground looking directly into the fire, watching the flames taunt her with their calefaction. Sango and Miroku snuggled up against each other as they had most nights now, Shippo and Kilala doing the same. She ached for the comfort of warmth from the calm half-demon who sat up directly behind her. Inuyasha didn't seem to mind the chill, he'd been in much worse over the years, but he could see Kagome shiver the way that she was. He picked her stiff form up into his arms and pulled her tightly into his body, his natural heat helping her find sleep without fail. Inuyasha carefully brushed his fingers through her hair in admiration of its silky feel until she was totally out. He smiled solemnly at how peacefully she laid there in his lap, falling into a light sleep himself.
Hmph, that's better.
Kagome silently laughed to herself, now the fire would envy her. She loved nights like these, under the night sky with the people she cared about.
A low, eerie cry startled Inuyasha awake, and it was only when he noticed one of Kikyo's soul collectors through the trees, almost beckoning for him to follow it, that he grew impatient of sitting still. His sudden rustling had woken the girl up but she kept her eyes shut and breathing even so he wouldn't suspect she was up.
I'll go there to see that she's alright and then I'm coming right back, he decided, hoping Kagome would understand."I'll be right back, Kagome, I promise," he whispered sweetly in her ear.
Without further hesitation, he set Kagome gently back down on the cold earth, placed his kimono over her, and was off.
Kagome waited for him to be far enough away that he couldn't smell her tears before she let them slide down her icy cheeks. The miko stopped sulking around her friends when she would spot the two or knew they were together. She didn't fancy the idea of acting like a child, falling prey to such unbecoming emotions.
Maybe that's why Inuyasha figured there was no reason not to go.
She laid there, trying to silence her heart and body from quaking in uncertainty and pain.
It's so cold. It's always so cold when he leaves. The fire crackled, as if to laugh back at her, seeing her lay there freezing once again. She turned away, their roaring flames were a single match in comparison to her hanyou. Well, not exactly "my"...
Kagome clutched the robe in her small, fragile hands, worried that someday this may be all she has left of him, should he choose not to come back. She seemed to feel that way more often than not, cold and small; so insignificant that he could dispose of her with no remorse whatsoever. It was because she understood the intensity of first love that she was able to mask her feelings for Inuyasha's sake.
Kagome didn't bother to go after him; she knew from experience all that would be waiting for her is disappointment.
It's so cold. So, so, cold, she repeated as she shivered uncontrollably, unable to reach her dreams. They'd be too hard to see anyway, with so many tears clouding her vision and her senses she was sure they'd backed up all the way into her subconscious. Each one seemed to hold a memory her and Inuyasha shared, falling away as if they never even mattered.
As if she never even mattered.
Inuyasha moved through the trees in the direction of the soul collector.
I hope she's not still cold, he thought as a wave of guilt surged through him and sent his mind reeling back to the girl he had just left behind. He slowed to a stop as if to turn back, but the demon gave him a sign that Kikyo was not far away. He just wanted to know she was well, he didn't want to leave Kagome. Especially when she was having trouble falling asleep and he got to hold her in his arms. It wouldn't matter how cold it was, he'd always be warm with and for her. Let's just get this over with, Inuyasha's focus turning back to the path that awaited him.
The hanyou peered through the trees looking for the lone priestess. The soul collector seemed to have floated off somewhere, leaving him the task of sniffing her out himself. He came upon a clearing, where Kikyo sat in peace, directly underneath a large branch of the biggest tree in the area. She looked like a life-size china doll, so delicately pale and poise.
Seems she's like this every time I find her. As he moved closer, the miko slowly awakened and gave a small smile at his presence. "Inuyasha, you've come," she spoke, seeming to light up as the words left her mouth.
Good, she's alright.
"Hey, Kikyo… is everything alright?" Inuyasha asked, closing in on her, "your soul collector led me here."
"I'm fine, just a bit weary from traveling," Kikyo answered, resting her head against his shoulder.
The half-demon picked up her cold, almost weightless body to rest in his lap, just as he had with Kagome. Kikyo closed her eyes, appearing to have once again fallen asleep in his lap. Inuyasha looked down to her, and fell prey to another sudden sting of guilt. "You know, Kikyo I… I'm sorry for how everything turned out. You deserve a much better life, not one full of suffering and agony. I can't help but feel responsible for all of it." He held her tighter. "If this is how I can make it up to you besides defeating Naraku, then I'm only sorry that I can't do more."
The priestess fidgeted slightly as if to get more comfortable and once again leaned even closer into Inuyasha. He almost wished it felt right to be with her like this, but all he could think of in that moment was Kagome, lying cold on the ground by herself. Thoughts of how he held her this same way only minutes before circled in his head. He'd promised her that he'd be back soon but there was still a gnawing feeling inside that he at least owed this to Kikyo. Becoming tired from the constant debate, Inuyasha was forced into sleep.
Kagome's silent crying and aching left her so tired that sleep eventually overcame her conscious. She didn't fight it, she was grateful for a break from the persistent gloom.
I'm sorry, Kagome, was Inuyasha's last thought before his eyelids finally fell.
So cold…was hers.
By the time Inuyasha woke up, the wildlife were already bustling through the forest and the birds were singing their songs. He slowly rolled his head into position, opening his eyes cautiously as if the light would attack his golden iris'. Feeling the weight of a woman no longer in his lap, he looked down and around where he sat.
Kikyo was no where to be found.
"Kikyo?" Inuyasha stood and turned his head in every direction, searching for the priestess. When he noticed her scent was already faint, he'd come to a conclusion. She must've woken up herself and left earlier this morning, he figured. He looked off into space and maybe even beyond that. I hope she'll be fine wherever it is she's going.
He suddenly flinched as if something had just hit him.
Kagome.
He wasted no more time, running as fast as his feet would carry him back to the spot where his friends camped out, cursing himself every step. I'm such an idiot, how could I just leave her there like that! Upon arriving, he could see Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kilala sitting around a new, larger fire... but no Kagome anywhere. The half-breed did however notice his haori folded and sitting in the same spot he left the miko the previous night. And while the smell of burnt ashes danced in the air, the only scent he could focus on was hers, lingering in the air from that very spot that his kimono lay. His friends looked at him confused, all accept for Miroku.
"Inuyasha? Where were you?" Sango gave him a puzzling look.
He sniffed the air again in an attempt to catch a stronger path of her aroma, completely ignoring the demon slayer's question. "Where's Kagome?!"
Miroku looked from the half-demon, to the forest, and back to his friend. He heaved a sigh, he knew exactly where she was… and why.
"Lady Kagome went home early this morning. She awoke very anxious and worried about some kind of test she'd forgotten about, back in her world," the monk poked the fire with a stick, to distract himself so that he wouldn't burst out and chastise the man who stood cluelessly in front of him.
"A test? Like for that school thing she goes to?" Shippo asked.
"Yes, I believe so," he tugged his lips into the best grin that he could, "but I'm sure she'll be returning soon enough. So, Inuyasha, tell us, where was it that you came here in such a hurry from?" pretending as if he hadn't the slightest idea.
Inuyasha looked at the monk with suspicion flooding all over his face, but ultimately dismissed the feeling and merely counted his blessing that Kagome was safe and warm in her own dimension for the time being. It did nothing for his guilty conscious but that was an entirely different problem all on its own. He joined his companions around the flames and exclaimed the usual "none of your business" line before stuffing his face with food to avoid further questioning. Of course his mind once again wandered back to the image of Kagome lying by the fire before he'd gone off. Inuyasha's eyes settled on his kimono folded so nicely a few feet from where he sat, not a speck of dirt or debris on it.
The sun fawned over the planet and every living creature flourished in the nice weather. He hoped this was what it was like where Kagome was.
And here she was.
Sitting against her bed, Kagome sighed in emotional exhaustion.
"Well, my cold is almost gone, and I packed some warmer clothes for when I go back. And these frost bites are getting better everyday." Kagome tried to console herself in any way she could. "They're gonna wonder why my test took three days to take." Although, she assumed that Miroku had figured her out by now.
It was that night that he carried her to the Bone Eaters well that he brought it up:
The sun just peeked over the Earth, looking to be in a constant struggle with the moon on when it would be okay to come out. The ground and the air still whispered cold spells upon her skin as Kagome slowly crept out of her sleep, which was particularly light considering the event from last night. She heaved herself to a sitting position, diverting her attention to the only one missing from the view in front of her. "Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kilala... Inuyasha. He hasn't come back yet". Her body was already clearly nipped at by frost in reference to the purple and blue bruise-like spots that covered her legs. They stung badly, and it hurt to move at all. It was her soul that then started to ice over when she remembered that the hanyou was probably in the arms of Kikyo still. The only warmth offered to her in that moment were from the fresh tears falling on cue with the familiar trigger of hopelessness she felt in moments like these. She hadn't even noticed that Miroku woke shortly after her and witnessed her moment of weakness consisting of silent crying and the clenching of her fists and blatant looks off into the path Inuyasha had taken. He said nothing, just merely rose from his spot next to Sango and offered her a hand. The monk's sentimental look gave off a sense of empathy and the miko stood up from her spot and took his hand.
"You know Kagome, it's not good to keep things stuck up inside like I suspect you are doing. I can understand your logic, but me, Sango, and even Shippo are always here if you need to let it out," Miroku broke the silence of the still forest. Kagome rested on his back, she had taken him up on his offer to escort her home to rest and give her cold injuries some attention. He understood that words would ultimately do nothing to erase the pain she felt but it crushed his heart to see such a sweet, beautiful woman in such distress. It was in his nature, plus Kagome was like family and no way was he going to completely dismiss her feelings like it seemed Inuyasha had.
"I'm sorry Miroku, you didn't have to do this, I don't want to be a burden," Kagome uttered quietly.
"You're no kind of a 'burden' to anyone, we all worry about how you must be handling this whole Kikyo thing, besides, you can barely walk. Deep down, I know Inuyasha's intentions are not to hurt you, but he gives into his guilt entirely too much," he reassured. She had never expected Miroku to continually be so open and helpful when discussing this specific topic but she greatly appreciated his kindness. "Thank you," she whispered before laying her head back on his shoulder. The monk glanced behind him to see her growing tired once again from lack of sleep, although he was glad to see her catch up on it, he figured she didn't get much of it last night. "We're your friends afterall, you won't have to deal with something like this alone. Though I bet Sango's a little better at this kind of stuff than I am haha," he said before turning his head back to the path in front of him.
Kagome knew that Miroku was being honest when he explained that he and the others would listen if she needed a shoulder to cry on. Still, she felt horrible dragging other people into her own problems, especially ones that she figured were considered childish and repetitive.
Or at least that's how she saw them sometimes.
The girl glanced up at her window and felt a chill run up her spine with no effort of hugging herself or warm blankets causing it to subside. The only thing that could was a particular boy that dwelled hundreds of years out of her reach, even when he stood inches away. The very one who'd left her frigid to begin with, physically and emotionally.
And God knows you still love him, she sighed.
A/N: Sorry if this lead on to any MirKag suspicion, wasn't my intention. I just feel like Miroku is very wise and considerate of Kagome's feelings so I wanted to show it, I absolutely adore their friendship. Besides, Kagome definitely needs a friend right now, don't ya think?
